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    Kaykat16's Avatar
    Kaykat16 Posts: 17, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Apr 28, 2016, 06:40 AM
    Emancipation
    Its been awhile since I've been on here. Since my last post I have turned 17 an I am still living with my mother. Things have not improved. They have gotten much worse an I am now making a plea for someone to give me an idea on a way I can get out of here? I cant runaway. I promised my boyfriend I wouldn't. But things have gotten so bad that I'm breaking down. I need someone to please help me. My mother is emotionally abusive in case you didn't read or don't know my last post. It has gotten so bad that when she lashes out on me calling me a , telling me I'm worthless or good for nothing, I've begun having what I think are panic attacks. I begin to hyperventilating an feel like I cant breath. It gets so bad an I cant make it stop an my face an tongue go numb. My mom doesn't do anything when it happens. Once after screaming at me she just turned up the radio, when it started happening, so that she couldn't hear me. She goes around the house banging on things an screaming when she gets angry. Also when she is mad or angry when we are in the car she will drive 90mph until she know she cant without getting caught. I know some people would say to just bare it since I only have 274 days until I turn 18. But I'm already breaking an I'm hanging on to my life by a thread of string. I want to contact someone. Like DFS or just someone that can help me get out of here but I'm afraid that they wouldn't do anything for me since I'm 17. Im so emotionally an physically drained someone please please please help me. An just to give you more of an idea of my situation, I was assaulted by a family member so most of my family we have no contact with. I don't know my father. Im homeschooled. Im not allowed to have a job because she said itd mess with her disability. She doesn't work so she's always home an I'm not allowed to go anywhere. And while doing homeschooling she's made me work hard hours such as 8am-9pm or 8am-7pm on weekends sometimes too. She tells me she has no life an that its my fault. She has a bunch of extra medication like Xanax an adderal in the house (shes not a user though) so I've considered nearly every possible way I could get out of here I rack my brain crazy with ways to leave but I've come up with nothing because I don't know what would really work. Also DFS has been out investigating my mom before. Once when I was 12 an then just this past year. But my mom makes everything look perfect an seem perfect an tells me what to say an do an trlls me if not ill get in serious trouble. An also just this past month my mom told me she took four pills that she was allergic to purposely. She said she knew I wanted her to doe an that I would be happy an she told me to tell the police that it was an accident so I could get her life insurance. It was so messed up an scary. But she made me not tell anyone an it turned out she only had taken one or two of them. At least that's what she told me. Im at my breaking point with being treated this way. She needs some serious help an I need to get out of here someone please help! :(
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,593, Reputation: 2941
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    #2

    Apr 28, 2016, 07:24 AM
    Have you asked her if she will approve emancipation in court?
    CFS might investigate again if you tell them about her pill threat. They won't like that kind of manipulation. Horrible as she is, however, I think she's terrified of the day you turn 18, and is lashing out in her childish way.
    You have a right to get a job so that you will be prepared for being on your own. Better yet, is there a one year course you can take that provides a good skill? Are there technical schools near you? Anything from the building trades to hairdressing. There are PLENTY of jobs in the building trades, like carpenters and plumbers. I realize that it's the end of most school years in a month, so there might be nothing starting until September, but even that is worth checking out.

    There's a saying "Don't make decisions by default." That means that if you do nothing, decisions are limited and usually made for you. Explore as many options as possible so you have more choices.

    Age 17 is a grey area in most states, and many won't even send out the cops if someone leaves home at 17. However, your mother is giving you the necessities of living, and those are EXPENSIVE if you try to do them on your own, unless you get a live-in nanny job. So what if her SSI gets reduced? It's going to in 8 months anyway.

    One last bit of advice: don't make promises to boyfriends. It isn't fair. What's to stop him from doing something totally against what he promises, if he does? Teens can't be expected to follow through on promises. Tell him so. YOUR life is more important than your relationship with him.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,302, Reputation: 7692
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    #3

    Apr 28, 2016, 08:26 AM
    Record her doing this, and send it to the agent who is investigating.

    Also, while I never suggest running away, at 17 in many areas the police do nothing. But I can not talk about your area.

    Also I will agree, boyfriends come and boyfriends go, esp at your age, And it appears he is not proving any suggestions to help ? Talk to local shelters, and/or build a case against your mom, proving things
    Kaykat16's Avatar
    Kaykat16 Posts: 17, Reputation: 1
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    #4

    Apr 28, 2016, 09:03 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by joypulv View Post
    Have you asked her if she will approve emancipation in court?
    CFS might investigate again if you tell them about her pill threat. They won't like that kind of manipulation. Horrible as she is, however, I think she's terrified of the day you turn 18, and is lashing out in her childish way.
    You have a right to get a job so that you will be prepared for being on your own. Better yet, is there a one year course you can take that provides a good skill? Are there technical schools near you? Anything from the building trades to hairdressing. There are PLENTY of jobs in the building trades, like carpenters and plumbers. I realize that it's the end of most school years in a month, so there might be nothing starting until September, but even that is worth checking out.

    There's a saying "Don't make decisions by default." That means that if you do nothing, decisions are limited and usually made for you. Explore as many options as possible so you have more choices.

    Age 17 is a grey area in most states, and many won't even send out the cops if someone leaves home at 17. However, your mother is giving you the necessities of living, and those are EXPENSIVE if you try to do them on your own, unless you get a live-in nanny job. So what if her SSI gets reduced? It's going to in 8 months anyway.

    One last bit of advice: don't make promises to boyfriends. It isn't fair. What's to stop him from doing something totally against what he promises, if he does? Teens can't be expected to follow through on promises. Tell him so. YOUR life is more important than your relationship with him.
    She wouldn't let me get emancipated I've tried talking to her about it. She may be doing this now but things have been this way since I was around ten years old. It wasn't this bad back then but it was bad. An I live out in the country in Missouri if I was in the city it would be easier for me to find jobs that she couldn't or wouldn't say no to. I have asked around if anyone knows of any work I could to make money such as babysitting, mowing lawns, cleaning house etc. but so far I haven't heard anything back from anyone. A week after I turned 16 I had applied for a job at walmart and a job at a fast food place in town and she had said then I could get a job an that she would take me everyday. When the fast food place hired me I was excited, then the day after I had been hired an a few days before orientation my mom told me that I could not work because it would mess with her checks. She made me call the place up an tell them I no longer wanted the job. And also I only promised my boyfriend I wouldn't runaway because when I've ranaway before when I was 15 and my mom said if I did it again id go to juvi? But really my boyfriend has been my rock through all of this. If it wasn't for him being here for me these past ten months I don't know what would be of me today. Also I don't want to runaway because I'm in 11th grade right now and near finished with my schooling. But I'm also deathly afraid my mom might mess up my schooling also. I am supposed to be going to the school again ( I had to go two weeks ago to take the ACT and I had to ask our landlord to take me) for testing that I need to do in order to be able to gradute an my mom has some health issues an I've been taking care of her since I was 12 and she told me, "well i dont know what you're going to do if you have to go to testing the same day of one of my appointments because my appointments are more important." I understand that she has health issues an needs to go to the doctor but what am I supposed to do? I NEED TO GRADUATE! Its bad enough I will have to ask our neighbor to take me this time around. I've worked really heard to get to this point in school and I don't want her to mess me up now. She doesn't even want to let me go to regular school next year. She dropped out of school in 9th grade because she got pregnant with me and even though she didn't graduate I want to. I'm so lost in what to do. I don't even get to sleep a decent amount because she makes me stay up till 11-5 in the morning messing with our window unit (air conditioner) and before I started getting really hot here she was making me stay up until 5-7 in the morning doing what she calls, "fanning the door" where I swing the door back and forth as if I'm opening it an closing it because she says its too hot in her room even though all our thermostats say it 66 degrees. She says by doing that I'm making it colder. And she make me do it until our living room thermostat read 48-52 degrees. An I have been doing all this while trying to do school. Except I haven't been allowed to do my homeschooling for the past month because she said it was too hot an by me having the internet an my laptop on an plugged in I was making it hot. And when it gets up to 68 in her room she gets angry and shell go through the house banging on the walls and on the air conditioner and screaming at me she's woke me up this way a couple times an it scares the hell out of me because I don't know what she's capable of anymore. Lately at night she makes me kick on the air conditioner our window unit which is in the bathroom every 10 minutes for two hours before I can go to bed. She won't take me to the doctor. I have my wisdom teeth growing in an my face was swollen an she wouldn't take me to the dentist to have them done or well she couldn't because of all her doctor appmnts. I just don't know what to do anymore I'm really worn out emotionally and physically by trying to keep her happy. An I'm sorry I took so long to reply. I had written a message but I got logged out by the site and I had to rewrite all of this.
    Kaykat16's Avatar
    Kaykat16 Posts: 17, Reputation: 1
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    #5

    Apr 28, 2016, 09:12 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck View Post
    Record her doing this, and send it to the agent who is investigating.

    Also, while I never suggest running away, at 17 in many areas the police do nothing. But I can not talk about your area.

    Also I will agree, boyfriends come and boyfriends go, esp at your age, And it appears he is not proving any suggestions to help ? Talk to local shelters, and/or build a case against your mom, proving things
    I've recorded her going off on me an such but never when its full blown bad. And my boyfriend has suggested I get emancipated. He wants to get me emancipated. But he's getting a job after his 18th birthday next month but I've told him it won't matter if he can provide for me because the Missouri law says I need to provide for myself. He also says I if it gets any worse I need to contact someone like cps or dfs but I'm scared to do that because I'm scared they won't do anything for me and that id be left with my mom and that would only make it worse for me.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,323, Reputation: 10855
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    #6

    Apr 28, 2016, 10:27 AM
    Make the call to DFS or CPS immediately because that's the priority, or just LEAVE for a safer place and call the COPS. Those are your options so do it and stop being afraid or things get worse for you both.


    Kaykat16's Avatar
    Kaykat16 Posts: 17, Reputation: 1
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    #7

    Apr 28, 2016, 10:37 AM
    But I want to make sure they will actually do anything for me. What worrys me is that theyd leave me in her care an tell her I called. But there still is the investigation with my uncle going on and she (my mom) said she's been waiting for dfs to come out here because my grandparents (who we haven't talked to since what happened with my uncle) are like that an would call dfs just to make my mom mad. An they were out here before dfs when I was 12 and we lived in the same county but in a trailer and they said a neighbor had called them in because reports of screaming and yelling and someone saw her hit me once but they didn't do anything they didn't talk to me or anything and they left me with her so I really want to make sure they'll do something.

    Quote Originally Posted by talaniman View Post
    Make the call to DFS or CPS immediately because that's the priority, or just LEAVE for a safer place and call the COPS. Those are your options so do it and stop being afraid or things get worse for you both.


    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,323, Reputation: 10855
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    #8

    Apr 28, 2016, 11:49 AM
    Well young lady if you don't call anyone NOTHING will be done. Call them and TELL them you are leaving for a safe place then do it.
    catonsville's Avatar
    catonsville Posts: 894, Reputation: 91
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    #9

    Apr 28, 2016, 12:06 PM
    Nothing is going to change until you do what has been said above. You will have to sit there and take it or get off your butt and do something. Like pick up the telephone or go to the Social Services Office. Be sure to take any evidence you have with you, so they can hear what is going on.
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,593, Reputation: 2941
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    #10

    Apr 28, 2016, 01:30 PM
    She's just turned 17, AND has a controlling, manipulative mother, everyone.
    I didn't have it this bad, just the controlling mother - I DO understand.
    It isn't that easy to go marching around to agencies, and her fears are well founded.
    And mostly agencies just roll their eyes if a late teens walks in.
    My suggestion is to work on the plans of where to go and what to do, even if it's leaving the state. A different set of relatives?
    Kaykat16's Avatar
    Kaykat16 Posts: 17, Reputation: 1
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    #11

    Apr 28, 2016, 01:45 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by joypulv View Post
    She's just turned 17, AND has a controlling, manipulative mother, everyone.
    I didn't have it this bad, just the controlling mother - I DO understand.
    It isn't that easy to go marching around to agencies, and her fears are well founded.
    And mostly agencies just roll their eyes if a late teens walks in.
    My suggestion is to work on the plans of where to go and what to do, even if it's leaving the state. A different set of relatives?
    I don't have many relatives since I'm not in contact with my grandma or grandpa nor my uncle. I barley know my grandmothers side of the family and I have an aunt in WV who I've barley talked to for two years because of family drama. I have great grandparents in mesa, AZ but my mom is close with them. She's threatened me for the last five years saying we were going to move there with them. But she doesn't want to sometimes and sometimes shell say she does an I tell her all the time I don't want to because we lived with them when I was 10-12 and it was bad when they weren't around because she would just build up all this bad energy and then release it on me when they weren't around. Especially if id say something wrong or not talk one of my great grandparents out of something my mom wouldn't want to do. Plus I've been moved around a lot but not so much the past four years an I want to stay in Missouri. also I don't have a car an town is forty minutes away so I cant really go to any place that could help me or get anywhere. Thank you for commenting by the way :)
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,593, Reputation: 2941
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    #12

    Apr 29, 2016, 03:49 AM
    At the very least, for now, sort out a plan for the rest of high school. Any chance of summer school where you are? Is there any doubt that you will be in the real school next fall? Getting out of the house will be a big help. And you will HAVE to say no to all those door fanning things. She has to learn to do for herself in preparation for when you are gone for good. I know how hard it is to argue with a mother like her, or not get into arguments in the first place, but somehow you need to work one a few one-liners to use over and over. "I have homework" is one and "Soon you will be alone here" is another. It sounds like she needs to start getting into senior/disabled housing, and in most places, it's a long wait, so she needs to apply NOW!
    Kaykat16's Avatar
    Kaykat16 Posts: 17, Reputation: 1
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    #13

    Apr 29, 2016, 08:42 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by joypulv View Post
    At the very least, for now, sort out a plan for the rest of high school. Any chance of summer school where you are? Is there any doubt that you will be in the real school next fall? Getting out of the house will be a big help. And you will HAVE to say no to all those door fanning things. She has to learn to do for herself in preparation for when you are gone for good. I know how hard it is to argue with a mother like her, or not get into arguments in the first place, but somehow you need to work one a few one-liners to use over and over. "I have homework" is one and "Soon you will be alone here" is another. It sounds like she needs to start getting into senior/disabled housing, and in most places, it's a long wait, so she needs to apply NOW!
    I've tried talking to her an tried getting her to let me go into the school here when school starts up again. But she refuses saying she has to many dr appointments and she doesn't want to let me be at the house alone. And no there isn't summer school here where I live. And its hard to tell her no on things because shell use her health as to why I need to do it and why she cant do it and if I say no shell take my phone and start telling me how, "i care about no one but my ing self." when I move out she will probably move to Arizona with my great great grandparents. But that's also what I'm worried about is her trying to keep things from me like my birth certificate and my social security card. Even though my boyfriend said we can still go somewhere to get them again. I know when I try to move out she's going to try to reel me back in an try an make me feel bad and that will probably work because she knows how to hit me just right to make me feel sorry. I already have the leaving part planned because I know ill have to have the police out here to, "keep the peace." but would that seem to cruel or over the top?
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,593, Reputation: 2941
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    #14

    Apr 29, 2016, 08:52 AM
    Go to the County Courthouse to get a copy of your birth certificate. Call first to make sure where to go. Millions of people lose them. There will be a fee.
    You can get a SS card again from SS. Look on the website. I don't think I've had to show mine in 69 years. She has no right to it, but just get another.

    You CAN tell her no. Use the same sentence every time - I won't be here much longer. If you say that several times a week, she will start accepting the truth sooner or later.

    When you do actually move out, plan every detail secretly. Pack at the last minute. If she owns your phone, plan what plan you will get or take over. You may be without one for a while, so plan on that too. Plan plan plan! It helps with the turmoil and anxiety. Keep it all in your head so she doesn't snoop.
    Kaykat16's Avatar
    Kaykat16 Posts: 17, Reputation: 1
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    #15

    Apr 29, 2016, 09:03 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Wondergirl View Post
    Does she have lots of doctor appointments? Do you have to go with?
    Yes she does an yes I do but I'm not needed to go.

    Quote Originally Posted by joypulv View Post
    Go to the County Courthouse to get a copy of your birth certificate. Call first to make sure where to go. Millions of people lose them. There will be a fee.
    You can get a SS card again from SS. Look on the website. I don't think I've had to show mine in 69 years. She has no right to it, but just get another.

    You CAN tell her no. Use the same sentence every time - I won't be here much longer. If you say that several times a week, she will start accepting the truth sooner or later.

    When you do actually move out, plan every detail secretly. Pack at the last minute. If she owns your phone, plan what plan you will get or take over. You may be without one for a while, so plan on that too. Plan plan plan! It helps with the turmoil and anxiety. Keep it all in your head so she doesn't snoop.
    Okay, I will do that thank you so much for your help! Oh and yes I do have my own phone that I bought with change I saved up for a long time. But its a cheap forty dollar Walmart one. I'm saving it for a few months before my birthday because my mom doesn't know about it at the moment an I know she will try to do everything she can for me to have no where to go where I'd have to stay with her.
    Kaykat16's Avatar
    Kaykat16 Posts: 17, Reputation: 1
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    #16

    Apr 29, 2016, 12:10 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Wondergirl View Post
    Aha! She has to prove she disabled in order to get money from the government. Do her doctors know she's cheating?

    What kind of paid work has she done in the past?
    No her doctors do not know. She's mentioned to her family doctor that she doesn't like taking tylenol with codeine before but that's as much as I know because she doesn't allow me to go back with her during her appointments. I really don't think she could even work if she wanted to because the problems that she has from her stomach and her ear are real from what I've observed. But the work she did in the past was such like she was a welder for a company. But she hasn't worked since I was around 7 or 8.
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    joypulv Posts: 21,593, Reputation: 2941
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    #17

    Apr 29, 2016, 01:15 PM
    I don't see Wondergirl's post, and don't see where the mom is cheating? Working? It doesn't sound like mom is working. Mother loses the added amount allowed for supporting a child, and loses it on the 18th birthday, and either loses it or it gets reduced if any work income is added to the household (by the daughter).
    Kaykat16's Avatar
    Kaykat16 Posts: 17, Reputation: 1
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    #18

    Apr 29, 2016, 01:22 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by joypulv View Post
    I don't see Wondergirl's post, and don't see where the mom is cheating? Working? It doesn't sound like mom is working. Mother loses the added amount allowed for supporting a child, and loses it on the 18th birthday, and either loses it or it gets reduced if any work income is added to the household (by the daughter).
    I'm not sure what happened to her post. They were there an now there gone. We were talking about my moms medication and disability and her doctor appointments. I didn't know it was possible to delete things on here?
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 38,608, Reputation: 5430
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    #19

    Apr 29, 2016, 01:26 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by joypulv View Post
    I don't see Wondergirl's post, and don't see where the mom is cheating? Working? It doesn't sound like mom is working. Mother loses the added amount allowed for supporting a child, and loses it on the 18th birthday, and either loses it or it gets reduced if any work income is added to the household (by the daughter).
    Several posts were removed, I know not why. Her mom is going to doctors, but not taking their prescribed meds, and files a disability claim each year (for govt money) with her doctors' verification that she's on meds for medical problems.
    Kaykat16's Avatar
    Kaykat16 Posts: 17, Reputation: 1
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    #20

    Apr 29, 2016, 02:04 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Wondergirl View Post
    Several posts were removed, I know not why. Her mom is going to doctors, but not taking their prescribed meds, and files a disability claim each year (for govt money) with her doctors' verification that she's on meds for medical problems.
    She does have medical problems but she just refuces to take a lot of the medicine even though she still keeps getting them filled. She let's a lot of them just sit around. Or in a box in her room.

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