[erbarnha]

My boyfriend and I have a room-mate. We all moved into our home at the same time. The roommate is not on the lease. My boyfriend took him in because the guy has had a rather large streak of bad luck; however the condition was that he must get himself established so that he can move out on his own. I have no objection to helping someone who is in need. Our room-mate however, had a job for a month at a pizza parlor then lost it because he didn’t show up. When he was working he did pay some rent, but not the amount that was expected from him. He receives food assistance from the government but he blows it on expensive food then expects us to feed him the rest of the month. If he does have money he blows it at the bar or on one of his internet “hoes” rather than buying things to contribute to the house like laundry detergent trash bags (stuff that he uses but doesn’t pay for). He leaves a trail where ever he goes. If our room mate has been in a room there is a mess to prove it. He has done a minor amount of property damage since we moved there. One door is obliterated because of him and another isn’t quite functional. He basically sits on the computer trying to hook up with women all day. I have warned him that if doesn’t want to pay then he needs to at least clean up after himself and if he does a little extra it will be considered greatly, but he doesn’t even do the least. I can't clean the house with out cleaning up after him. I am pregnant and on restriction. He will eventually be kicked out anyway because I won’t tolerate him living here once my baby is born. I haven’t mentioned that he invites random women off the internet to come over to the house, which I consider very unsafe. I am at my ends whit. My boyfriend has given me the go ahead to kick him out if need be. The only thing that stops me is that I suffer from a moral dilemma. If I kick him out he will eventually be homeless. He may find a random woman to stay with, but like me she will grow tired of his antics and kick him out just as I would, which was his way of living for about six months before we gave him a place to stay. Personally I don’t believe in helping those who do not help themselves and I am completely against a free ride. I want other’s opinions on what action I should take. Right now all he has to do is leave one more thing lying around or ruin one more of my dishes and that’s all it will take for me. His presence stresses me out a lot and I don’t think that is healthy for me. In case I haven’t been clear, the guy has been warned both verbally and given a written notice. What should I do?

[BlakeCory]

You've already done too much. He sounds like he's used to having people take care of him. Learning responsibility will be hard for him but he has made the choice to reject your help.

[RubyPitbull]

BlakeCory has said it well. This man needs to start taking responsibility for his life. You have already done enough.

You are a good person for doing as much as you have. This should not be a moral dilemma for you. The man is inviting strangers into your home. He does not make any effort whatsoever to help you either financially or in the general maintenance of the home. He has cost you money in the fact that he eats your food, uses the utilities, and has destroyed property in a rental unit that you and your boyfriend will now be responsible for correcting.

Why has your boyfriend given you the go ahead to get rid of him? According to what you have written, your boyfriend is the one who invited him to stay. Why are you being placed in the position of "bad guy?" You are pregnant with your boyfriend's child. If he cannot bring himself to kick the guy out, then YOU BOTH need to do this together. You are a team. This should be made very clear to the friend. You are pregnant and should not be put in the position of playing Mother, to this guy. He is not your child.

You cannot help a person who is unwilling to help himself. It is his JOB and RESPONSIBILITY to do this. Not yours. Not your boyfriend's. You are not his parents and you do not owe him anything. You need to give him the heave ho. You will be doing him a great service. He needs to start acting like a grown man and take responsibility for his life.

[Lillian42]

Kick him out. All my life I have had this best friend and I was always bailing her out. Well last summer I let her, her kid, and her boyfriend live with me in my house. Neither of them had jobs they lived off the government, had food stamps and would eat all my food. While I was at work they would turn my air on watch my t.v and had whoever over they wanted. One night I just snapped and kicked them out. YOu have to stand up for yourself sometimes or you will get walked all over on!

[Dr D]

Dear Lillian 42, You are what is called an Enabler. You have a compulsion to solve other peoples problems to the extent of harming yourself. Throw the bum out ASAP. At some point he will hit rock bottom, and change his behavior, or he will continue his downward spiral, until he is dead or in jail. It is not your job to save him. Save yourself first.