[motherload]

Really confused I'm 30 she is 28
Me and my ex have been together for 8 years. We have a great relationship never really argue,fight and both pretty open and honest with each other. I have a daughter maybe with another women from 9 yrs ago. I have never seen this child. In the midst of going to court for a paternity test. Last year we broke up for 6 weeks because I didn't see my daughter tried finding this other women but to no avail. We ended up back together and rented a new place to live last July. I have found baby's mom now and am in the midst of the paternity test and stuff. Now my ex leaves me in February saying gshe can't handle that I don't see my daughter. But for the last 6 weeks she has been coming over to watch TV we go out on dates out for dinner and all that stuff . During this time she was telling gme that she loved me. Then last week she said Ithink our time has past and I think we should just be friends. I don't know if I have the spark anymore and don't know what to do to get it back. Then called the next night crying saying what I did on our date was the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me and she loves me but doesn't know how to get the spark back. She told me she was preparing for this for the past few months? She in a sense broke up with me over the phone? What is that did I not deserve at least a face to face?
Now the rumours start to fly one of her relatives was over and told me that her brother is running around saying I treated her like and never did anything for her! Which I know is BS so does she. So I called her and asked if we could talk she came by and I said you have to be honest with me even if it hurts tell me why you are doing this. She says I'm not close enoughto her family WHOOOOOO hold on there I'm more closer to her family then my own family and she knows that after we talked she said yes you probably are. Then said she wished I did something bad to her like yell at her or something so that this would be easier for her to deal with she said she doesn't know if she will wake up one morning and realise what she's lost then drops me off at my house and says she loves me
I don't know what to think my mind is all over the place just know that I love her and want to be with her. We have all the same friends and then today I get told that MY FRIEND is having a surprise birthday party being held by his girlfriend and I'm not invited and she is like why does he want to see her who knows? Any thoughts or suggestions would be greatly appreciated need to know what other people think about this? Everything in here is the truth no need to lie would like any opions from people on what I should do? Thanks if you need to know more just ask I got no reason to lie:confused: don't understand why she would in a sense lead me on if she knew all along?

[Copperhead6]

Sounds like you are dealing with a boat load of immaturity! Some people don't want to date someone with kids. That's there perrogative. She's sending you on a mind bender and I hope u are past the point of wanting to take that ride. You may have one child to raise, you don't need another!

[Copperhead6]

Hey hey, first of all, you need to start calling the shots. The spark isn't there? Is it there on your part? Its about time you started dictating what is going on in this relationship, sounds like she is immature and you should never let an immature person dictate what is going on between you two. Your not invited? Big whoop! Roll with the punches. Let her start not living up to your standards. Maybe its about time she can't spark you up!

[mckenzie134]

Hi mate, bad situation you have got yourself in there. Going off what I know when you get told what the reason for the break or whatever you are having is, it is normally not the truth. Sorry about that but my ex said very similar she said I need to find myself and be happy on my own and at one stage she even said stuff about my family. The simplest way of saying this to you is that she has lost interest and the spark is gone. A quick run down of my story was that relationship was fine then she wanted break the simplpe reason was she just did not feel that emotional things well that was because I was there too much for her which isn't a bad thing but women want to miss you a bit and want to feel that they need you. The spark comes from missing you there is no doubt about that it does not take much to miss you it may just be that you are at the gym one nioght a week where she has to wait for you to come home or something along those lines. Im not sure how often you spend sitting at home on the couch together, there is nothing wrong with thi but attraction can dwindle when you are not missing someone, after 8 years well you should know what you are wanting and feeling for each oother but then some women go through there whole life wantimg to feel the spark at all times like my ex she thinks you should feel it all the time. Its not like that but sometimes it is I suppose for some people...

Now the only advice I can offer for you is to and this is if you want the spark to return. Maybe just give it a coulpe of days not contacting her and then get her some flowers delivered. SHE WILL THEN CONTACT YOU TO SAY THANKS FOR THE FLOWERS OR WHATEVER AND WILL Probably SAY maybe not sure do you want to catch up, tell her you do but you're a bit busy can it be in a couple of days maybe if she rings Tuesday say your busy but Thursday night would be good. When you catch up on Thursday noight do not give her a big hug and kiss do not be all over her do not smother her yourve had a bit of time to think about things and tif she asks tell her your working yourself out and you really like her but you just need some time to work out what you want. This may sound strange to say and you may believe it will not work but you need to turn this around a bit, you have been a nice guy and got the flowers and now you just need to clear your head she knows yo like her and then after dinner or so tell her your tired and you are going to have an early night but can catchg up some time soon. Then she will go and probably give you a call on the weekend and maybe you can catch up then if she calls Saturday tell her yourve already got something organised but you'd love to see her Sunday.

Also I would like to know what was the nicest thing anyone has done for her thing that you did the other night what did you do??

[motherload]

I love her and she knows that this is the hardest thing ever and I have been in love before but nothing compares to this she was my "one" 8 yrs is a long time no contact now in 5 days I feel a little stupid but here goes I filled our room with streamers and candles bought 100 balloons construction paper stickers and stuff wrote out 100 reasons I love her rolled them up and put them in the balloons blew the balloons up bought candy kisses to lead her from the door to our rrom bought a picture frame put in some nice pic's bought a empty jar filled it with cinnamon hearts and wrote her probably the nicest letter pouring my heart out to her wrote her a poem put it in the jar then went out for a nice dinner and to a comedy club whole time holding hands took her to the first place we kissed and kissed her end of night she hugs me and we kiss and she says I LOVE YOU man this just suks kind of feel like a fool for doing all the stuff because 4 days later is when she called me and broke it off I'm 30 and this is thehardest thing I have ever gone through any thing else just askl just need opions thanks to anyone that responds tx mckenzie oh you and the night before our date we talked on the phone she said she was going to her friends house to listen to music and stuff no prob when she come over Saturday I asked her how her friends was she said fine just did girly things allright get a phone call the following Friday from a friend who said he seen her at the club FRIDAY the same Friday she told me she was at a friends when I asked her about it and I did face to face just so I could see her reaction she got mad saying why are people telling me things I'm like if your brother seen me at a club he would tell you wouldent he? She says yes I guess so! Then says she didn't lie to me she just didn't want me to worry and didn't want me to think she was out meeting someone else about her she only drinks like 4-5 times a year birthday and stuff you know I realise she isn't going to tell me every where she goes but if your going to lie about something so stupid don't u think that makes me wonder what else your lying about don't know just don't know sent her flowers to her new job weeks ago and she loved them called thanked me everything we share our truck at the moment because I can't afford to buy another vehicle right know and on easter weekend I had the truck the whole weekend Sunday morning dropped it off early so I didn't have to see her left her some flowers in the truck she called and said oohhh that was so nice like I think she enjoys seeing me go through this which is stupid because I still want her but like I said no contact now for 5 days we'll see were this is headed

[motherload]

My spark is there no doubt and I love her completely

[teachermama3]

Women are all over the place sometimes with the way they think and feel. One day they want to be with someone, one day they don't. It could be something as simple as that, or she could be cheating. When someone cheats, it creates a lot of mixed emotions and hot and cold type stuff. As far as getting back that "spark", people fall in and out of love when they are in a long term relationship. You are not always going to feel deliriously in love with your partner, instead you just feel that deep committed love for them. Things usually tend to circle back around, and the feeling comes back. I don't know if this helps or not.

[louie1]

I could be way off the mark here but from my experience when girls talk like this it is because they also have someone else on their mind and feel torn.