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    Jeha's Avatar
    Jeha Posts: 80, Reputation: 10
    Junior Member
     
    #1

    Nov 24, 2015, 10:04 PM
    Dating with children
    Im single and 24, and I'm interested in dating girl (20) with a 2 year old kid. I feel OK about it, but I'm not sure if I know what I'm getting myself into
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,244, Reputation: 10853
    Expert
     
    #2

    Nov 25, 2015, 04:46 AM
    It's a lot more complicated dating women with children, as not only babysitters an issue but the possibility of baby daddies still being in the picture. It's like any other dating situation, get to know her well before you give away your heart,or make any commitments other than dating... and make sure you are not the next baby daddy.

    You say you are interested in dating her, so I take it you haven't asked her out yet, so I ask why you want to date her, and how well you know her, and HOW do you know her?
    Jake2008's Avatar
    Jake2008 Posts: 6,721, Reputation: 3460
    Emotional Health Expert
     
    #3

    Nov 27, 2015, 03:32 PM
    I look at this a bit differently.

    I think that there are no differences between 'quality' women, and 'quality' women with children. Consider that in today's world, blended families, where both parties have children from previous relationships, are common.

    I would advise you to seek out how to best become a good step parent. Many things are at play, such as the relationship your girlfriend has with her child's father, his parents, and relatives. It would be wonderful if they are all supportive and loving adults toward this little girl. It would also be wonderful if your girlfriend, and the father of her child have nothing but the child's best interests at heart, and do their best for this child.

    Trouble happens where there is bitterness, anger, unresolved issues, court battles, and shattered families who have taken sides in an issue that shouldn't be an issue. Battles that go on and on, without resolve, for all of the child's life, is not uncommon. I would advise you to carefully observe how ALL the people in this child's life, including your girlfriend, deal with each other.

    If your girlfriend has a lot of animosity toward her ex, and his family, and she is fully believed and supported by her own family in feeling she is the one wronged, then I would think twice.

    There are ALWAYS two sides. In circumstances like this, there is indeed, a right way, and a wrong way, to raise a healthy child. It is important that for instance, as an example, that the mother of this child never talks badly in front of her daughter, about her father. At least begin with a measure or marker of respect, and maturity that you can see in your girlfriend. If your girlfriend is always angry, sounds vindictive, is uncooperative, and turns on a dime whenever she hears her ex's name, or runs into a simple problem with him, like he will be 10 minutes late picking the child up, and it sounds like the sky is falling, then you have a problem.

    So getting into a serious relationship with your girlfriend, isn't just about being a stepfather. It is about much more, and you need to think about that. If you can go forward confident that there are good relationships between all parties, being a good father to this little girl shouldn't be all that difficult.

    Best of luck to you.

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