[concernedmom4]

I made his parents mad today because I just found out that when she goes camping, or family gatherings with her 17 yr old boyfriend & his parents they are giving her alcohol. I don't approve & confronted them about it. The dad then threatened me with statutory rape on my daughter. My daughter turned 18 in Feb 2015, their son turned 17 in June 2015. We are in TN. Can they honestly press charges or whatever for statutory rape or sex with a minor?

[Fr_Chuck]

First in family sittings it is OK to give beer or other drinks to family and friends there. Your issue needed to be with your daughter, you just tell her not to accept the drink. That would have solved everything.

You getting or having issues with the others family has started a problem, that is going to be long lasting, If they get married later, the inlaw issues are now going to be long lasting.

No this is not rape, there has to be a 4 year age difference. So a one year age difference does not fall under Tennessee Law. They are making threats about laws they do not know. But fighting about it is not the answer.

** and you are OK with them having sex? But not drinking?

[concernedmom4]

No I'm not OK with them having sex! They told us they weren't having sex, his parents assured us that on these outings they make sure they sleep separately. This is the first time we've ever allowed her to date. My daughter knows we don't want her drinking, she is not 21 yrs of age. We did talk to her & her boyfriend about it very calmly. Her boyfriend got upset & told us that it was hid fault because his mom & him was giving my daughter a hard time about not drinking, her first boyfriend, so yes she finally did accept the beer. I'm not upset with either of the kids, except for the fact of them lying. Yes, some families do have & give drinks at family events but not to underage kids, especially not without their parents knowledge. That is considered contributing to a minor because legal drinking age is 21 yrs old. I didn't get into their family business nor try cause any kind of scene. The boyfriend apparently texted his mom stating that we knew they were giving them beer and they showed up to our house to check on him. I just asked that they please do not give my daughter alcohol without my knowledge. He even told his parents that we weren't mad only disappointed in our daughter for hiding the truth from us. That's when his step dad said well that's not asking too much at all, then told us they were having sex & started the threats of her being 18. I still never got mad, only worried. Worried could they do that, could she be pregnant, if so will she finish her senior year & still go to college, etc. I realize that since she's not been aloud to date until almost 5 months ago, she's going to be some what rebellious, want to do what her friends are doing, whatever... But we've always told our children they can tell us anything & talked to her repeatedly about if you decide to try alcohol or cigarettes please tell us. She agreed. Especially the alcohol part, that way if for some reason she's ever not home at curfew, not answering the phone & we go check on them, they're not where they're supposed to be at, we know to start looking for wrecks or whatever needed.

Thank you for answering my question about statutory rape

[joypulv]

Not only does the age difference have to be 4 years, but 'penetration' has to take place by the person charged, according to TN law. Other states say 'sexual activity' instead, a broader definition of a rapist to include an older female.

[ScottGem]

Under Tenn Law:
A minor in Tennessee may not buy (or attempt to buy), possess, transport, or consume alcohol; or knowingly provide false information to obtain alcohol. (Tenn. Code Ann. Sections 57-3-412(a)(3)(A),(a)(5)(A),&(b)(2)(c).) It is also illegal for adults to purchase alcohol for, or provide alcohol to minors; or to knowingly allow minors to consume alcohol on the adult's property. (Tenn. Code Ann. Sections 39-15-404(a)(4).)

Therefore, if the boy's father starts making noises about prosecuting her for statutory rape, Present him with those cites and tell him you can have him prosecuted for giving her alcohol. But then tell him that we all need to calm down and stop posturing and think about what's best for the children.

[Cat1864]

With all due respect to Fr_Chuck, it is against the law to give 'minor adults' alcohol (18-21 year olds) alcohol or beer.

Tennessee Minor in Possession of Alcohol: MIP Laws & Penalties | Criminal Law (This article was easier to read and copy than the Tennessee Code Annotated. For the full law search: https://www.tn.gov/revenue/article/t...-revenue-rules)

It is illegal in Tennessee for an adult to furnish alcohol to a minor, or to knowingly allow a minor to consume alcohol on the adult's property. (Tenn. Code Ann. Sections 39-15-404(a)(4).)
Purchasing alcohol for a minor is a Class A misdemeanor. For first offenses, violators will be fined between $25 and $500, and between $50 and $1,000 for second and subsequent offenses. (Tenn. Code Ann. Sections 57-3-412(a)(4).)
A violator who provided alcohol or allowed alcohol to be consumed on the violator's property will also have to perform 100 hours of community service, and possibly face suspension of driving privileges. However, a violator can apply for restricted license, which the court may grant at its discretion. (If the violator does not have a license, the court may increase community service to 200 hours.) (Tenn. Code Ann. Sections 39-15-404(d).)

It sounds like the step-father is afraid of being reported. He seems to think getting your daughter in trouble will keep his family out of it.

At 18, you really have to be able to trust your daughter. However, let her know that if she is being pressured into doing something she knows is wrong, she should call you and you will come get her. (I am sure you already have, but hugging her and letting her know you are there for her is usually a good thing.)

I would also talk to her about whether or not she really trusts that family if they are pressuring her to do things such as drinking. Are there other red flags she should be paying attention to?

edited to add: The law defines property as: having a lawful right to the exclusive use and enjoyment of property.

[talaniman]

Your daughter is 18, and responsible for her own behavior and conduct. I seriously doubt they have a case for statutory rape though given they have knowledge of the sex and have done nothing. You should impress upon your daughter that underage drinking is illegal, and has very adult consequences for her, and those that aid and abet in this illegal actions.

Under the circumstances you have described, there should be NO sleepovers, and NO drinking and driving whatsoever. It's disturbing that these things are even allowed given the laxity of the boyfriend's family. This isn't even a dating experience in my view, but a very loosely supervised grooming of bad behavior with a minor child. You may have no control over what the boyfriend's family does in their house, but you can control the rules and boundaries of your own home, and those in it, and I hope you tighten your rules, and boundaries up significantly with your daughter concerning this first dating experience.

Obviously trusting the boyfriend's parents to give your daughter good orderly direction is a grave mistake, but can be corrected by you by explaining things more specifically to your own child, who is an adult.

Good luck making some adjustments between you and your own child, so she can make much better decisions to protect herself, and be MORE responsible for her own actions.

[Jake2008]

Stay strong, mom- you are doing the right thing. Too many underage drinkers getting into all kinds of trouble, from sex to driving with an impaired driver, etc. etc. etc.

Make it clear with what Scott has said, that you know what you are talking about- I would do it in an email so you have a paper trail.

Then make it clear that there are no more family camping trips with his family.

Offer instead that the 'kids' come to your home.

Make sure she is on the pill.

It should be a no-brainer that you don't give under age teenagers, alcohol. It isn't okay. Don't feel that you are the odd man out here- you are doing the right thing in addressing this without screaming and yelling. Have, or continue to have serious conversations with your daughter what your expectations are, and what the consequences are, should she decide to get hammered with her boyfriend, or with him at another party, or with friends.

You are being responsible and you need to keep up the hard work.

Best of luck.

[Fr_Chuck]

I do not believe a court of DA in Tennessee would even follow up on one parent giving a drink to their child and his girlfriend, in their home.

There is realist enforcement and of course proof would be needed.