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ragnovir · May 3, 2015, 11:59 AM

After my last real relationship (3-4 years ago) I tried so many times to make one again but things didn't go well. That last relationship ended so bad for me because of its consequences my hope for life died a little more every day. One year ago I got over with that, but the issue is I can not look at women that way anymore. I don't talk to women either. Even though I want to for a long time I felt like I am a night watcher at the wall(from game of thrones). "I shall take no wife". People keep telling me I should change and they show examples from lonely mens life. I searched at Google just a little but I could not find similar tittles.

Anyway, question is: I am young and I feel good for now. Do you have any experienced observation for my situation? And do you think I should change?(sorry for the bad english)

Wondergirl · May 3, 2015, 12:19 PM

The harder you try, the less positive the outcome. Desperation doesn't work in creating and building relationships. It's okay not to be in one. Find your own joy in sports or exercising or volunteering or writing stories or learning to cook -- or all of those. Love will sneak up behind you and whisper in your ear when you least expect it. Right now, be good to yourself.

smoothy · May 3, 2015, 12:41 PM

As Wondergirl so correctly points out... you can't force this... the more and harder you try the more elusive it becomes. Because desperation can be seen and it is not something people find attractive, man or woman.

Find other activities to occupy yourself.. and eventually the right one will appear. Usually when you least expect it.

Oliver2011 · May 3, 2015, 01:08 PM

Agree with both. Have a great time with other aspects of your life and let a relationship happen naturally. The last thing you want to do is settle for someone for the sake of being in a relationship. I found incredible true love at 39 so it does and will happen.

joypulv · May 3, 2015, 03:00 PM

Slight variation here- After many years of doing the dumping, I was dumped. During all that time I thought I had to have a man, even though I didn't admit it, being outwardly independent. I left them before they left me, basically, and I convinced the last one that he would and should leave me, and he finally did. I was 43. The realization that I could just be my own person, on my own, was gradual after that.

I have never said "I don't like men anymore." Isn't it extreme to say you don't like women anymore? If anything, it makes you sound miserable and desperate, missing them painfully.

I am willing to say "I can't LIVE with a man anymore!" At least not intimately.

ragnovir · May 3, 2015, 05:11 PM

Originally Posted by joypulv

Slight variation here- After many years of doing the dumping, I was dumped. During all that time I thought I had to have a man, even though I didn't admit it, being outwardly independent. I left them before they left me, basically, and I convinced the last one that he would and should leave me, and he finally did. I was 43. The realization that I could just be my own person, on my own, was gradual after that.

I have never said "I don't like men anymore." Isn't it extreme to say you don't like women anymore? If anything, it makes you sound miserable and desperate, missing them painfully.

I am willing to say "I can't LIVE with a man anymore!" At least not intimately.

It was hard to answer.I should say you are right about"misarable and desperate,missing them painfull" part.it was all like that for a time.it is true I cried many times but like I mentioned it before ;I lost my hopes, my purpose but I got over it.
What I feel now about women:even though I have awesome female friends,I always have an instinct when I talk to a woman.I do not want to talk to them ,I do not want to see them,I do not even want to talk with their boyfriends.And I don't feel angry or afraid.I just think it is the right way for me.

joypulv · May 3, 2015, 05:53 PM

There are monks, the French Foreign Legion, and many just plain lifetime bachelors, like the Wright Brothers.
If this is your choice, whether for now or forever, be glad that you made the choice. If not proud of it, then put it on hold with no definition.
Who do you need to convince? If yourself, then there's something too "methinks thou dost protest too much" about it.

talaniman · May 7, 2015, 06:39 AM

You say you have gotten over your past disappointments but I don't believe it. I suspect you have just buried them, and your resentment still grows beneath the surface. I think you can heal, and make adjustments and be happy and confident about yourself, people, and life.

You don't have to change, just make proper adjustments.