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    SS00's Avatar
    SS00 Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Apr 27, 2015, 11:29 AM
    Judgemental boyfriend
    I recently found out that my mom cheated on my dad once. I know she doesn't anymore and it was a one time only thing. I never confronted her about it and don't want to, but I feel wrong about not telling or sharing this information with my boyfriend of 6 years. I'm afraid he may judge my mom or my family, or even me. However, at the same time, we don't keep secrets and I feel like he should know and that I should be able to share this with him. What should I do?
    Oliver2011's Avatar
    Oliver2011 Posts: 2,606, Reputation: 746
    Ultra Member

    Apr 27, 2015, 11:40 AM
    So in other words except for this one thing you have told your boyfriend every single thing about you? I don't think so and I don't see the need for him to know this either. What good can come of it. Let the past stay in the past. It's really none of his or your business.

    But it sounds like there's more to this relationship than just old news?
    smoothy's Avatar
    smoothy Posts: 25,495, Reputation: 2853
    Uber Member

    Apr 27, 2015, 11:44 AM
    If you never confronted your mom about this... how do you know it ever in fact happened, and that it was only once? Could have been a rumor spread by someone whose advance she turned down. It IS actually possible you have either misunderstood something or was given incorrect information.

    And in either case... its just a boyfriend, not a spouse... and there is no guarantee you actually will be married until it actually happens... until then its none of his business.
    DoulaLC's Avatar
    DoulaLC Posts: 10,488, Reputation: 1952
    Uber Member

    Apr 27, 2015, 02:12 PM
    It would serve no useful purpose to tell your boyfriend, and it can open the door for many problems. Not wanting to keep secrets from a partner can be admirable, but it doesn't mean you have to share every detail about your life, and certainly not about the business of someone else.
    odinn7's Avatar
    odinn7 Posts: 7,691, Reputation: 1547
    Entomology Expert

    Apr 27, 2015, 02:54 PM
    Why do you feel that you need to tell your boyfriend this? I cannot understand what the need is. This was your mother, not you so why does it make a difference?
    Cat1864's Avatar
    Cat1864 Posts: 8,007, Reputation: 3687
    Marriage Expert

    Apr 27, 2015, 03:33 PM
    This isn't your information to share. It is private between your parents.

    Telling him about your mother's indiscretion is really spreading a rumor if you didn't learn the details from her. Even if your father was the one who told, it doesn't mean you have the correct 'facts'.

    I understand wanting to share everything with the person you love and trust. However, there will be things that can't be shared because they aren't yours to give away.

    A bit of perspective, you have a friend tell you something in complete confidence meaning they do not want the information shared with anyone. Do you break your friend's trust to tell your boyfriend something that has absolutely nothing to do with him?
    Jake2008's Avatar
    Jake2008 Posts: 6,721, Reputation: 3460
    Emotional Health Expert

    Apr 27, 2015, 04:33 PM
    The only business you should share with your long time boyfriend, is your own!

    And even at that, as long as it's a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, I'd be careful of what I shared.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,250, Reputation: 10853

    Apr 27, 2015, 05:18 PM
    I don't think it's appropriate to share your parents private business with anyone. It think its downright wrong especially since you have never discussed it with her, and probably never will.

    How old are you, and your boyfriend?
    dontknownuthin's Avatar
    dontknownuthin Posts: 2,910, Reputation: 751
    Ultra Member

    Apr 28, 2015, 05:22 PM
    It is your mothers secret not yours. Her sex life is none of his business. Think of it this way - even if you marry him one day, there may be things you cannot or should not tell him. For example, if you worked in health care and his friend came in and got a diagnosis, you would not be permitted legally to tell your husband, even if you thought he should know. It is against the law. Or say you knew something very embarrassing that had happened to someone and they asked you not to spread it around. You really shouldn't tell anyone. It isn't dishonest when you are keeping secrets to respect somebody else's privacy. On the other hand, if you had an issue or problem of your own and kept it from him, that is more of a secret. Even then - you can have some privacy even in a marriage. You should not keep substantive secrets about yourself from your partner that impact the relationship.

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