[stud251]

There is a girl who is my classmate and my best friend among girls. I fell for her. I let all this happen because she lied to me that she is single. Now when I had told her that I love her she is saying that she is committed. Although she too loves me but still nothing can happen in between her. I am frustrated that why did she lied to me & not been able to understand what should I do with her. Should I forgive her & stay in touch with her or should I forget her & leave her.

Please help me, I am feeling completely screwed.

[talaniman]

You aren't screwed, just your grand plan for romance didn't work out. No big deal, just do other things with other people until your frustrations fade and see how you feel. You don't have to try to force a friendship, as you probably are not ready for it, or to forget, but learn about how to cope with your own feelings after being rejected for romance.

I suspect you still have to see her often as a classmate, so be polite and friendly, but forget romantic notions and remain always cool, calm, and collected without getting too involved in personal things. You say she lied about having someone but did you ask if she was, or were you so consumed with your own feelings of attraction that you never asked her directly? Often that's the case because our own intense feelings make us assume and presume and miss things we otherwise would have noticed, or questioned.

Regardless let the dust settle on your own feelings and be a civil human being as you cope with this challenging situation. You will recover from both frustration and disappointment if you think before you act or speak, and stay in control of yourself. May take a while though but hang in there, it will get better.

[joypulv]

You sound very young! You have no idea yet what it means to be 'completely screwed' in love. Your husband runs off with his secretary leaving you with 3 small children. Your girlfriend of 5 years cleans out your bank account and takes off. (What happened to me? Dumped in one day after 13 years - try THAT sometime.)

How do you know she lied? How do you know even what the lie is, if she lied? Her lie might be that she is committed. It's one of several 'polite' ways of rejecting someone. How do you know she wasn't single at the time she said she was? The answers don't really matter, because you are making a mountain out of a molehill.

PS: You don't get to 'forgive' her because she doesn't need forgiving and isn't even asking you to forgive her. The word is 'accept.' Yes, you should accept what happened, if you consider her a good person and friend. Lick your wounds and get over it.

Or avoid her and forget if you want. You can't 'leave her' because you never had her.

But we aren't here to make decisions for you, just advise.

[Fr_Chuck]

How can she be "committed" and you not know about it, if you were such a good friend?

[Homegirl 50]

She may have told you she is committed because she does not feel for you the way you do for her.
Move on. She does not need to be forgiven, you are the one who spilled your guts to her. She just rejected you.
Hang out and have fun with others. Lick your wounds and move on