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LoneRanger · Nov 29, 2014, 05:07 AM

I have an elderly gay friend. He's very nice and considerate. He was married, now lives with his partner, and has a daughter and a son. From what I gather, nothing very sinister about him except his sexual orientation. In spite of his niceness and all, I have some awkward feelings at the end of the day that I could be a point of his questionable interest, which bugs me. But I can't just un-friend him for that. I know gays and straights can get along well. I just don't want the guy to do something stupid. We talk about gays and straights and passively told him that gayness isn't and never will be my thing.

So, I need some directions on how to handle gay men when especially you're the man! {I'm very Straight btw}

talaniman · Nov 29, 2014, 05:51 AM

You treat gay PEOPLE with the same dignity and respect you want from them, or any other human for that matter. There is nothing sinister about one's sexual orientation, just your attitude about it. If you are so afraid of a friend doing something stupid, you shouldn't be around them, but your fear and attitude of gay men will MATURE as you do.

Hopefully.

Jake2008 · Nov 29, 2014, 06:06 AM

"nothing very sinister about him except his sexual orientation"...

I don't know what kind of friendship this could be, with your friend, when you are so uncomfortable about his sexual orientation. You note that you are 'very straight', and that somehow there is something lurking that you fear. You have awkward feelings at the end of the day, that you could be a point of his sexual interest. Is this just your imagination or has he actually come on to you.

Regardless, there are no special 'do's' and 'dont's' as far as I'm concerned, in any friendship, regardless of sexual orientation.

My point being that I think you must not be either accepting of the lifestyle of your friend at all, or unable to see past the fact that because they are gay, you are feeling somehow threatened by it.

Being judgmental, and I'm reading between the lines here, is not what friendship is all about. If you cannot accept him as he is, then perhaps think about ending the friendship. I think that's a sad reason to let go of a friend, and really has nothing to do with him at all. It is that you are uncomfortable with your friend being gay, and, I suspect, his lifestyle.

Talk to him. Tell him you are uncomfortable, and why, and that you are trying to understand and accept him as being gay. I can assure you if he's been living a straight life, he himself has gone through hell coming to terms with his own sexuality, and found the courage to finally accept who he is. He will understand your confusion.

Realize that he is the same person you have always known, he has just evolved as a person, who needs to be who he is. He is in a relationship, and living his life as he always has, only you know that he is gay now.

Talk to him. Maybe he needs you to understand what he's gone through, as a friend, as much as you need to understand and learn to accept him as he is. It would be a shame to lose a friendship that could have been saved with a little more understanding and effort and honesty, on your part.

Fr_Chuck · Nov 29, 2014, 06:21 AM

Sorry, just treat him like any friend, and don't expect him to do anything different,

It sounds like you have all sorts of misunderstanding of gay people.

If you are in the US, about 15 to 20 percent of the people you know are gay, many you may not know are, and even more are bi-sexual.

Do you have women friends ? Are they scared to be your friend, because of what you may be thinking ?

J_9 · Nov 29, 2014, 07:16 AM

He is not your friend. You are his enemy. It is blatantly clear you atre a homophobe.

Im I'm sure you don't want him "to do something stupid," and I'm sure he feels the same way about you.

He doesn't deserve you as a friend. You are too judgmental. You really need to grow up.

LoneRanger · Nov 29, 2014, 12:47 PM

Okay,first,I am NOT a homophobe,if I was one,clearly I wouldn't had let the gay man come within 50 yards .anyway,indeed,I have doubts about this mans lifestyle.he reportedly arrange hookups with men and he says his partner allows him,i.e,mutual consent whatever,which,having brought up in a conservative atmosphere,is a little strange for me.im 20,and he's a lot elder,and at times he brings up sex talk,which is okay,but I find it very difficult talking about sew stuff with a homosexual,and yes,he often had his way of "hitting" on me which was passive,but very awkward for me.so,I wanted to know how to handle these gay and straight situations because we here agree that gays are PEOPLE just like us.

LoneRanger · Nov 29, 2014, 01:12 PM

And by stupid I meant I don't want him to try me for sex under any circumstance.even after I clarified to him that I plan to be straight for the next 50 years,he still poses sexual innuendo's and brings sex very often,which seems "sinister".im sure he is a very good hearted human being but I suspect a little perversion.so I needed to know how do I handle this gay-straight situation.

Fr_Chuck · Nov 29, 2014, 08:44 PM

So tell him, if his sex talk is offensive, then tell him you don't need to hear about it.
Straight men often talk about how they hit on this girl, how many girls they had sex with last month, I don't need to hear about it, and I just tell them.

If you can not handle it, then stop being friends with him.
My best friend is gay, no big issue. I went with him to a gay bookstore and coffee house one time. He got so mad. I got 4 phone numbers before we left, (LOL) and he did not get any. I am not gay, and no interest, but the men were all hitting on me.

But let them hit, I am not gay, so all the hitting in the world, will not change that..

So, he may hit on you, you say no, and that is the end of it.