[Thinkaboutit]

I did some pretty stupid things recently and I totally understand why me dad doesn't trust me but I'd kind of like to be able to get his trust back so he can back of a bit. I mean I understand why he doesn't trust me but at some point he got to start right? What can I do to help him start to trust me?

[Cat1864]

That is something you need to ask him. Sitting down and calmly discussing how you can begin to earn his trust is a start. Listen and do your best to adhere to the rules he sets. Try not to hide things from him. Be honest with him and ask for help.

Understand that it takes a moment of bad judgment to destroy trust and years to rebuild it. He probably won't back off for quite a while.

[tickle]

He is your dad and hopefully open to discussion (only you know that), so yes, I agree with Cat, sit down and talk to him and ask him how this can be accomplished. Good luck and we are here if you need us

[Thinkaboutit]

I was kind of hoping that there would be a easier way to it than that. Im not really good at having conversations with me dad we don't really talk to well most the time it just turns into an argument but that's my bad, but I'm working on that. Suppose talking is the way to go. It's just very frustrating I can't do anything because he doesn't trust me. But how long is that going to last

[Homegirl 50]

It's going to last as long as it takes. It takes time to rebuild trust.
Behave yourself from now on.

[Thinkaboutit]

It's going to take as long as it takes! I really don't understand adults. I've been doing everything he has asked of me not just for him but for me self as well. It's just so frustrating being stuck at home not aloud to go out because he doesn't trust me and I don't want to just go out because that's just not going to prove anything to him but that I can't be trusted. If he would just give me a bit of freedom then I could show him that I can be trusted. I mean I don't want to spend the rest of me life stuck at home he's got to give me some chance to prove me self to him, well I hope anyway.

[Cat1864]

This is still very new. It may seem like it is taking forever but it hasn't even been a month since you told us you were trying to get your life turned around. It's been about two weeks since you went to the police. That is very little time.

This isn't going to be fixed quickly or easily. Frankly, your father would be a fool to give you too much trust at this moment. It isn't because deep down you aren't a good kid and you don't want to change but because temptation is going to be strong. You need to take time to build coping skills before you have too much freedom.

[Thinkaboutit]

I'm not asking for him to give me total freedom I just want to get out I'm sick of being stuck in this house. The only time I'm aloud is with him I don't even go to school anymore I have to be home schooled until the end of the year. I just feel like I'm suffocating. You know let me go for a 20 minute walk let me go around the block. Anything every time I try to ask I just get shut down No No No. I messed up but it's driving me mad.

[smoothy]

THis is what we call actions carry consequences. You are complaining about WEEKS... pull this stunt as an adult... you might have 10 - 15 years or more in a jail cell to complain. As was said multiple times before.. it takes however long it takes... a few weeks ISN'T nearly enough time to earn back even a tiny little bit of trust when you consider what you did. Its going to take a LOT longer. And it happens on HIS schedule, not yours.

So you suck it up and put up with it. All in all you got off really easy...instead of complaining you should be grateful you weren't put in jail or put out of the house and onto the street to fend for yourself for the rest of what could be a very short life. Many families would have done either of those. You got incredibly lucky you weren't too.

You have to keep behaving as is expected of you...you do it gracefully, because kicking and screaming about it only proves you really weren't sorry about what you did. When you fully see what you did and how it was wrong. You would gracefully deal with your punishments because you would accept that you got exactly what you deserved. And you could have gotten much, much worse. I actually know people that did. In time you will earn back trust, but it will be slow, and it will take a long time. It's not like you showed up 30 minutes late.

[Thinkaboutit]

I am doing what he askes of me, I doing everything and I'm not just doing it for him I'm doing it for me self as well. I'm not kicking and screaming when I askes and he says no I just go back to my room. I understand that I messed up big time I know I'm lucky I didn't go to jail or end up dead or on the street. I can't handle being stuck in this house I go out 2 times a week I'm trying me best to obey everything I've been told believe me I'm trying and I want him to be able to trust me, but I don't know how to deal with staying in this house any longer and I don't want do anything stupid and I'd rather just sneak out and him have no trust in me then sit here and feel like doing something stupid.

[smoothy]

Next time he might put you out of the house and change the locks. Would eating out of garbage cans and sleeping under a bridge, or on the sidewalk be better? Sneak out and you might find yourself doing that.

THe fact you are even THINKING about that says a lot as to why you aren't ready for trust... besides the fact its only been a few weeks. You haven't really changed yet, you only think you have because you aren't getting to do what you want when you want... which is exactly what got you into this mess in the first place.

Its all about learning self discipline. You don't like it... but you need to do it without whining about it. The rest of your adult life you will at times need to do things you don't want to do, like REALLY not like to do, but you do them because its required of you, you do it because you must do them. You force yourself to do them. Because you might find yourself unemployed and without a place to live because you have no money if you don't.

When you are old enough and have graduated. Perhaps some time in the Military would be a good thing. Seriously... its turned more than a few undisciplined people around before they ruined their lives. Plus it gave them a job and a purpose, as well as direction in their lives. And gave them training for a job when they get out.

[Fr_Chuck]

I have grounded my children for 2 or 3 months, if something was serious enough.

And trust ? It can take a year or more, of showing you are really going to do right,

Trust is easy to lose, very hard to correct and gain back, At times it could never be gained, if the trust is broken bad enough

[Thinkaboutit]

I hope my dad will trust me again, don't really want him to always not trust me. To be honest I don't even know why he's being the way he is. It's not like I was hurting him nothing I was doing was affecting him I didn't lie to him he never knew. I know I made wrong choices really bad choices and I know that's why he doesn't trust me but I don't know why he's so angry at me for. I want him to be able to trust me. Am I being punished because I made bad choices but how can I learn to make better choices if I'm never aloud to leave the house. It might not seem like along time but I feel like I've been in here for ever.

[J_9]

You are 15 years old. Everything you do affects him to one degree or another.

You ou were taking some very dangerous drugs, and you obtained them illegally. That affects him in that he could have had to bury you, he could have had some very expensive legal expenses if you had been caught buying from an undercover cop. He has your future to worry about and you were headed down the wrong path.

Accept your punishment gracefully, do whatever he asks of you without complaint. One can lose trust in a second, but it can take a very long time to build it back up m

[Thinkaboutit]

I am listening and doing what I've been told, I don't complain to me dad at all. I wouldn't dare complain to me dad that would not get me anywhere. I'm just confused I guess I don't even know if I'm being punished or for how long me dad hasn't said I was in trouble, all he said was I'm not aloud to go out unless I ask and I have to stay in my room unless I'm called out. I don't know seriously me dad is confusing I just want him to be able to trust me enough to be able to at least leave my room and not be watched like a criminal when I'm called out

[J_9]

You are very lucky you are being confined to your room. Jail would be a lot worse. You are also lucky you have access to the internet. Many children would have only a mattress in their room and the clothes on their backs.

Actually, you are being watched like a criminal because your actions were criminal actions.

[Thinkaboutit]

I know I'm lucky to have the things I have. I really don't get it its not like I got caught doing drugs it's not like me dad found out some other way I went to him I told him. I took some pills I know it was wrong and believe me after everything I never want to take them ever again. But I think I made the right choice there, shouldn't that at least mean something to him. I know I had pills I shouldn't have but I didn't do anything really I didn't steal them. What are they watching me for as if I'm going to steal their medication.

[Cat1864]

I know I'm lucky to have the things I have. I really don't get it its not like I got caught doing drugs it's not like me dad found out some other way I went to him I told him. I took some pills I know it was wrong and believe me after everything I never want to take them ever again. But I think I made the right choice there, shouldn't that at least mean something to him. I know I had pills I shouldn't have but I didn't do anything really I didn't steal them. What are they watching me for as if I'm going to steal their medication.

Have you told him about the pills you have/had hidden in the kitchen?

We have a board for people to ask us about addictions. The number one question asked is "Did I pass?". The number two question is "Will I pass?" These are adults who are in the court system because they got caught and now have to submit to drug testing. They have been arrested, tried, sentenced, did time (in some cases), decided it wasn't worth it and still mess up. Some of those posters tell us they will never do it again. They learned their lesson. One drink, one pill, one hit, etc. isn't worth the fear and apprehension of a dirty test. Several of them are back every month or two telling us they know they messed up and they won't do it again. Moral of the story, you say you won't do it again, now, but tomorrow, when you have more freedom and temptation is in your face, you may think differently.

Give yourself more time.

That you still have computer privileges says he does have some trust in you. Or are you sneaking behind his back to get on-line or go where you want while you are on-line?

[Homegirl 50]

I am doing what he askes of me, I doing everything and I'm not just doing it for him I'm doing it for me self as well. I'm not kicking and screaming when I askes and he says no I just go back to my room. I understand that I messed up big time I know I'm lucky I didn't go to jail or end up dead or on the street. I can't handle being stuck in this house I go out 2 times a week I'm trying me best to obey everything I've been told believe me I'm trying and I want him to be able to trust me, but I don't know how to deal with staying in this house any longer and I don't want do anything stupid and I'd rather just sneak out and him have no trust in me then sit here and feel like doing something stupid.

You are not ready to be trusted. You have not fully understood what you did wrong and the harm it could have cause not only to you but what you would have put your dad through. You would have less freedom had you gone to jail. Stop complaining and be glad your punishment is not worse. You at least have computer access. You would not have if your were mine.

[Thinkaboutit]

He can't really stop me from having Internet privlages the whole house has wifi, he doesn't want me to go to school anymore so he can't take me I pad away or I can't do me school work or receive me emails from teachers. I'm not sneaking behind his back he knows I have me Ipad he was there when me mum sent it to me. He didn't give me any rules about the Internet. I do fully understand what I did wrong and what harm I could have done to myself I asked for help because I realised. I get reminded two times a week when I go to drug classes. You're right it hasn't been very long I suppose it just feels like forever being in my room all the time. It would be nice just to be able to come out of my room or when I come out not to followed around. If I went to jail which I highly doubt I would have I would have more freedom than what I get in here at least they get to leave their cells. I'm stuck in mine