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    debee's Avatar
    debee Posts: 7, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #1

    Jul 25, 2014, 01:52 AM
    Is it so abnormal to have very few friends?
    Hi
    This is my first time on the site and I am looking for some opinions from other people so I thought this would be a great place to do just that :-)
    I'm a 45 year old female, divorced with 3 older kids who I love to bits, they are my world. The oldest (23) has flown the nest and lives with his GF, daughter (who is my best friend) is off to Uni in September on the other side of the country and my son has managed to land himself a full time job at 18.

    Anyway, they are all growing up so quickly and I'm starting to panic ! I moved to my current home about 2 years ago, it's a small, rural town and I didn't know anyone and I had no friends. This was following my divorce, a new job, a new start. I have since met a new guy, who is great and we've been dating for about 14 months now. My problem is that I have no friends in the area, but this doesn't make me unhappy at the moment as I have a handful of work colleagues as friends and a couple of friends who don't live in this area.

    I still feel like an outsider in my town. My partner has quite a large family, including sisters and a sister in law, who are all really nice people but they don't include me in any of their plans unless it's a get together that involves him. They arrange 'girls' nights out and trips away but I'm never invited. To be honest I'm not that bothered but it would be nice to be asked I suppose.

    My question is; is it so weird to enjoy being without many friends? I am an introvert naturally but I do enjoy talking to new people and I'm not overly shy or awkward around others. I just worry that once my kids have all gone, I'll only really have my partner and I don't want to become dependent on him as my only friend in the area.

    Thanks for reading, any opinion is greatly appreciated.
    smoothy's Avatar
    smoothy Posts: 25,495, Reputation: 2853
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    #2

    Jul 25, 2014, 04:56 AM
    You have to put yourself out there and make friends. That includes with your inlaws. If people perceive you as a stand-offish type person, they treat you as such, assuming you would rather not be bothered since they hear little if anything from you the rest of the time.. Which I believe might be the case.
    Oliver2011's Avatar
    Oliver2011 Posts: 2,606, Reputation: 746
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    #3

    Jul 25, 2014, 07:02 AM
    People are all different and that is just fine. It's whatever makes you happy. Sometimes it drives my partner nuts because I have way too many friends. But I am very social and don't have a shy bone in my body.

    It wouldn't hurt you to meet a few people and get to know them and allow them to get to know you. This would probably strengthen your relationship with your partner because you won't be relying on him solely. You could join a church, join a club, take tennis lessons, take ballroom dancing lessons, etc. There is this website called meetup.com (I think) where you can find other people who have the same interests as you. It's an excellent way to meet people.
    odinn7's Avatar
    odinn7 Posts: 7,691, Reputation: 1547
    Entomology Expert
     
    #4

    Jul 25, 2014, 08:48 AM
    I have very few friends and I prefer to keep it that way. At one time I had many friends and I decided over the years that it's not worth it to me. Too many people want to use you for something...too much drama....who needs it?
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 37,927, Reputation: 5430
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    #5

    Jul 25, 2014, 08:50 AM
    When I was 10, my family moved to dairy-farm country. Social life centered around the two local churches, 4-H Club, and the volunteer fire department. Everyone seemed to be related to everyone else, so it was hard for us "strangers" to join up socially. Like Oliver suggested, seek out social groups in your area. There might be a book discussion group at the public library or an area hospital you can volunteer at or churches you can visit and check out. At least you will get to know people in the area and be able to carry on conversations when you encounter them while grocery shopping or standing in line at the post office. Friendship may develop as time goes on. Are there any opportunities to invite your partner's relatives or friends over for a party or BBQ or your own version of a "girls' night out"? Be the aggressor and YOU do the initiating to include them in your life!
    debee's Avatar
    debee Posts: 7, Reputation: 1
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    #6

    Jul 26, 2014, 01:40 AM
    Thank you for everyone's contribution. I honestly do not come off as standoffish, I'm actually quite a friendly and down to earth person, even if I am a little quiet sometimes, I'm always polite and contribute to conversation where possible.
    I am definitely going to try and find some classes to go to, maybe yoga or a regular fitness class but I don't want to change into some false extrovert, that's just not me.
    J_9's Avatar
    J_9 Posts: 40,299, Reputation: 5645
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    #7

    Jul 26, 2014, 02:01 AM
    Not so abnormal at all. Truthfully, I'm glad to hear I'm not alone. I will be turning 50 in a few days. I am a nurse and work nights, sleep days. I have 2 grown and married sons with families of their own, a 20 year old daughter who lives at home, and a 12 year old son.

    I have friends at work, but I basically keep to myself and my family. We aren't in our teens and don't need to surround ourselves with friends as long as we are comfortable with who we are.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,282, Reputation: 10853
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    #8

    Jul 27, 2014, 06:57 AM
    There is nothing abnormal at all about you. You are just going through the transition of having kids running around all the time keeping you busy to having a lot of time on your hands... wait for it... for yourself. It's very normal to find yourself wondering "NOW WHAT" as you get use to the peace and quiet. Enjoy it while you can because another transition is on the way... RETIREMENT.

    Half the fun is figuring out how to stay busy and enjoy YOURSELF. TRY stuff.

    >spoken by a retired guy who thinks going to the store for a loaf of bread is a major social event<
    1bluesky's Avatar
    1bluesky Posts: 48, Reputation: 2
    Junior Member
     
    #9

    Sep 6, 2014, 09:19 PM
    Having many friends is a relative thing. This means vary from people to people. A personal thing. If you are comfortable in your skin at the moment, then keep it that way. Why looking for more than you really need? This could be invitation for a trouble. So, to stay away from trouble, stick to your way and look for no more.

    There is no formula how many friends one has to have. Seems to me you are OK... it's just a stage in your life that is changing an you worry about it. You should not. Focus on the issues at hand and enjoy the life. It doesn't last long anyway.
    Cheers!

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