[almondy_love]

*please do not comment on grammar my sister spilled coffee on the keyboard and the keys are jammed.

I am 16 years old and I live in North Carolina. Yesterday I finally got taken out off DSS custody. I do not want to go back. I live in a abusive house. I got taken out when I was 11 and just got put back in the house. I am the youngest of 5 and my whole life I have been abused physically and emotionally. I am not a dramatic person when I say abuse I mean kicking and punching and pulling hair. Those sort of things. So when I was taken out the house I thought it was the end of being abused but when I was in DSS custody I hated it. They cut me off from every one and I wasn't treating right. So I thought it would be better to lie to the court and say my dad wasn't at the house. I had visits with my mom and then I got placed back in the house. On visits my father got a little aggressive but didn't hit me. About a month ago he beat me and gave me a black eye and bruises on my nose and arm. I ran away for a day and came back and my mom said if I wait till after court I can just leave and live with whoever I choose. Im a pretty strong person so I dealt with it and now that it is after court she is acting like she doesn't want me to leave. She didn't protect me what so ever when my dad hit me. I don't want to live like this any more I want to leave to bad but I do not want to run away. I am not calling dss cause I hated living there. No relatives. Any suggestions?

[smoothy]

And you sat there quietly aind had no part in provoking before this occurred? Had to ask that because I know teenagers, particularly teenage guysand how headstrong and confrontational they frequently are... and violence rarely happens in a vacuum...

Not at all defending his violence but what part did you play in this, this time around? Copping a bad attitude provokes people to give much of the same in return. It WILL be that way the rest of your life as well. That's life. The nicer and more respectful you are towards others... the nicer and more respectful they will be twords you in return.

At 16 you aren't free to go on your own unless you can get emancipated... that means hiring a lawyer and proving you can completel support yourself without anyone else's assistance. Something very difficult to do as well as expensive. I don't see how you could meet the requirements.

Telling lies in court did no favors for anyone... much less for yourself. That's actually a crime. One called perjury.

No easy way out... at 18 you can leagally leave... doesn't matter what your mother says you can do... your father could call them on you... and if they find out you ran away... then DSS will use their authority again despite what either of them say.

You are probibly ticked off right now if I read you right... but this is a situation we call being stuck between a rock and a hard place. What you can do is use a lot of common sense, be the more mature better behaved person in the house... and don't escalate issues by talking back and being verbally abusive or cocky. If you can manage that you can make it to 18 and not deal with DSS again... and by de-escalating things rather than push your fathers buttons and escalating them... maybe there won't be a recurrence until you are able to legally leave. And you DO need to finish highschool first if you want a chance in your future.

We call that making the most of a bad situation.

It won't be pleasant... but at least it won't be less pleasant than it is now if you see the point I'm making. It's a useful skill you will need to get along with a boss you might hate... at a job you can't afford to lose in the future.

I say this because as you said... you don't like it at home... but you liked DSS a whole lot less. And you don't have relatives or any better options.

[Fr_Chuck]

Now court will have less belief in what you say, next time.

You tell the court what is really happening, tell case worker, you lied in court.

No, there is no legal way to move out at 16.

[ScottGem]

I agree with both your responses. You need to make yourself scarce when your father is around. Stay in your room, try not to provoke him.

You have to wait until you are 18 to move out on your own, so you have less than 2 years to prepare. And you do need to prepare. Don't you have family where you can stay?

On another note, we have had many questions here from children who want to go into foster care because of perceived problems at home. Thinking it would be better than what they have. You could help them by relating your experiences.

[talaniman]

You have no visible means of support so I doubt if you can legally be on your own. I think you have to be quite honest with the court now for your own good, as you make a choice between your abusive home or restrictive foster environment. I doubt your situation improves in either place unless you get real honest with the court system you are a ward of now.

Your third option is juvenile detention until you are 18, if you continue to be dishonest with the court, and DSS, and resistant to any recommended structure they set for you. Sorry you have a home where the adults lack the proper guidance, and support, but lying to the courts will come back to bite you. So really you have but one reasonable choice and that's cooperating and getting with the program that DSS has laid out for you. Being honest about your co operation with them may get you the help you need to stand on your own eventually, the other choices don't look terribly pleasing from what you have written.

Take advantage of getting the help, as two years is not that long of a time to learn the right things you need to know for later. For sure I already know you are not going to do this YOUR way, and succeed, and get what you want right now, so choose what helps in the long run.

I wish you luck.