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    cjwondering's Avatar
    cjwondering Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Jun 11, 2014, 10:34 AM
    Why am I grieving now?
    6 years ago the man I'd been married to passed away. I shed a lot of tears. We loved each other but he was bi-polar and refused meds. He went off the deep end and started acting crazy and died in a motorcycle accident. We shared 2 sons. The youngest is 13 now.

    Lately about 4 months ago I started sobbing missing him so much. It seems I can't stop. But why now? Why after all this time? I'm so confused.

    What do I do now?
    Oliver2011's Avatar
    Oliver2011 Posts: 2,606, Reputation: 746
    Ultra Member

    Jun 11, 2014, 10:55 AM
    Are you just now grieving? Grieving is healthy, it's normal, and you just let yourself go through the process. If you need to talk to someone about it then set yourself up with someone that specializes in this. If my partner died I think I would be grieving for a long time. And Monday I had a doctor's appointment with my primary care doctor. I haven't been in 8 years. He said "I really miss your mom coming in here. She's was the nightest lady I've ever known." She died almost 7 years ago and it sent me to tearing up. It's perfectly normal and healthy.
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 37,809, Reputation: 5427
    Jobs & Parenting Expert

    Jun 11, 2014, 11:04 AM
    My dad died in 1994, and I occasionally tear up, remembering so many good times and great (plus just ordinary) conversations we had.

    Write down the memories, even the "bad" ones. Plant a pretty bush in his memory. Talk about him with good friends and your children.
    smoothy's Avatar
    smoothy Posts: 25,495, Reputation: 2853
    Uber Member

    Jun 11, 2014, 11:35 AM
    I agree... they will always be part of you, and you might always do this when you think of them. My father died almost 20 years ago... it still gets to me when I think of him.
    smearcase's Avatar
    smearcase Posts: 2,392, Reputation: 316
    Ultra Member

    Jun 11, 2014, 12:53 PM
    Maybe you read something, maybe you thought of another Father's day coming up etc. or just a random thought based on nothing in particular. I get them periodically in regard to the loss of my son almost 4 years ago. It is a reality check I think in my case. Even after a significant period of time has passed, his loss suddenly pops up as unbelievable and has to be confirmed as fact once again in my thought process(in my case). These episodes are brief for me, but I don't expect it to ever go away- until I do.
    Religion helps some folks and/or private counseling for others. Human beings need hope for the future. Find a way based on your preferences to find a basis for hope in your life and fall back on that, when these bad spells come along and accept that they will. If you are somehow feeling guilt in connection with your loss- that sounds like an extremely remote possibility under the circumstances you describe- drop those thoughts once and forever. You can only survive by looking forward-not back. Sometimes, we have time to prepare for loss and it gradually sinks into our mind and is gradually accepted. Sudden losses at younger ages is absolutely different. Best wishes to you.
    cjwondering's Avatar
    cjwondering Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Jun 12, 2014, 09:04 PM
    I am just NOW grieving. It seems that my grieving was put on hold for some reason. I did cry then. I felt numb. But recently within the past few months I have started to really ache inside. @Oliver2011 hugs to you on missing mom... Its never easy is it?@Wondergirl I LOVE your suggestions to plant a bush in his honor! @smoothy... Yes. I have come to realize he will always be here no matter what!@smearcase... I agree. Hugs for having to endure the loss of a son... I think that has to be the most tragic event in anyone's life. With Tom's death, I must accept this for what it is. Giving myself permission to grieve.

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