[crystalmariepac]

Let me start by saying that I have been divorced 10 years and I am having a problem with my 17 year old son. I feel that he blames me because I left his father, but has never told me so. I was very unhappy with his father and left and stayed with my mother for a while, then I met someone online and went a few hours away for 5 weeks, my child was 6 at the time, my mother was his sitter. I quickly realized that this was not the right thing to be doing ended it and came back. After I came back, I attempted to go back home to work things out, but he constantly threw in my face that I left and was with another man, it was unbearable so I went through with the divorce. I wanted to try for shared custody and found a place to live with in 5 minutes from our family home. My ex told me he would fight to the death for my son and I decided I was not going to put him through that, so I do not have custody. I have had to work extra hard to keep up my bills and paid a whopping child support because I made good money, but had tons of school debt. I have struggled financially and to this day have no retirement fund because I can't afford it, because of this my gifts for birthdays and Christmas are meager and I have been told this by the 17 year old. I always keep in touch 5-7 days a week when I don't spend time with him, but he never wants to stay with me because I don't have all the " play things" that he has at his fathers house ie; computer, game systems. Recently my son became very angry with me because I text him to remind him of fathers days coming up ad told him to try to be more thoughtful than he was on mothers day( which he brought a pizza from a gas station and told everyone in attendance that the store clerk said "are you really sure you want to get your mom a pizza for mothers day and he explained that he laughed and said yeah. I know this may sound dumb to many, but it really hurt my feelings and he was ready to go as soon as he got to the dinner. I try to have a good relationship with his father even if he trash talks me and I NEVER trash talk him to anyone. After I text my son the reminder about fathers day, my son told me that I gave him just a card for Christmas one year and its true but had $25 in it ,( I was broke). He said that I was not a mother and didn't deserve a real mothers day gift and that he was " through with me". I have apologized to my son about the divorce and for me making him feel like I didn't care because I left. I have tried to apologize to him for the fathers day remark since he said I was not a mother and he won't answer my call or text . My last text to him was this afternoon of which I told him"I am truly sorry, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, I would like to try to talk things out, maybe we can get a counselor, I really believe you are in a lot of pain". I don't know what else to do. Sometimes when he is with me he makes snide comments and I just ignore it to keep the peace . I can't take it anymore what would you do? I know that I have made a lot of mistakes, but I have worked really hard to mend them.

[Oliver2011]

Most teenagers, regardless of their background, go through a period where they are just not suitable to be around humans, mainly adults. It's a semi normal stage of growing up and rebelling because they want to try out their independence, as long as the adults keep paying the bills of course. The best thing you can do is remain consistent with him until he grows up and out of this stage. If you remain consistent that will help him grow out of this stage. He will eventually understand that there are always two sides to every story including the relationship you have with his father.