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confusedinbend · Apr 15, 2014, 09:30 AM

If my son's father wants to remove his rights as a parent, but I don't have anyone to adopt him quite yet, can a legal guardianship take care of that? Meaning, it's not as binding as an adoption, and the "real" father would still be financially responsible, but there wouldn't be the hassle of visitation, right? And once we're ready for the adoption to take place, then it would just be like a "change of" form? Is all this possible? Or correct? I'm in Oregon.

smoothy · Apr 15, 2014, 09:34 AM

Nothing is likely to get him off the hook for child support short of an adoption. You don't have to visit them... but you do have to pay for them. Once a support order is put into place.

talaniman · Apr 15, 2014, 09:42 AM

I see no point in legal guardianship since you already have custody and can get child support regardless. He as the father has a right to visitation, should he choose to exercise that right, as well as shared custody. I am not sure but transferring guardianship makes any custody case stronger for him.

confusedinbend · Apr 15, 2014, 09:52 AM

I understand that, as his father, he has rights to see him, but after talking with him, he doesn't want a relationship with his son until he's older, like 16-18.
I don't want his money, considering that is state mandated, I'd want to set up a college fund for that money, that my son would get when he graduates, esp since its not guaranteed funds every month.
The father told me that he doesn't want his rights. Period. However, I want to accomplish something legally so that he can't change his mind 5 years from now. The guy I've dated since my son was very young wants to adopt him, but not until we're married. That's why I was hoping for a legal guardianship, so that his dad signs off his rights now, but it's not as binding as adoption. Why won't the state just let him sign off his rights like he wants?

smoothy · Apr 15, 2014, 09:59 AM

You don't... unless there is an adoption... he can always change his mind... it is after all his child too.

Until that time... he legally retains his rights. Children are not property like a car or a pet. One does not simply sign the title to them over.

THe court would have to do it... and they rarely ever do it unless there was severe abuse or a grave threat to the child. Neither of which is the case.

confusedinbend · Apr 15, 2014, 10:04 AM

Thanks for the advice and information.

talaniman · Apr 15, 2014, 10:19 AM

They do, but for an adoption. Most states do it that way. I don't think the law will allow you to circumvent the process despite your concerns and his position. The goal is to be fair, and impartial with the best interest of the child ahead of the adults wishes at this time. Not acting on presumption of what can happen in the future, and you can get child support through the courts NOW, and not worry about slow pay, no pay.

Your child has a right to be financially supported by both parents under the law, and also under the law only through adoption can who bears that responsibility be changed. Try this in court and see what they tell you is legal, or not. You are not married, so the subject is moot as your boyfriend has no legal standing in this matter whatsoever, and may well change his mind in the future as well. You cannot have a legal ruling on what if's, or any other FUTURE plans.

The facts NOW are what counts under the law. Not feelings, hopes, and dreams.

ScottGem · Apr 15, 2014, 01:00 PM

First, there is a myth that a parent can just give up their rights. But that's all it is is a myth. Only a court can terminate rights, and courts are very reluctant to do so. He can however cede custody to you without asking for any visitation. But he could change his mind at any time. The longer he waits, the more reluctant a court will be to allow him visitation.

And if he thinks your son is just going to accept him with open arms when he comes knocking at the door when he is 16-18 he is a fool. Your son is very likely to resent him for abandoning him.

cdad · Apr 15, 2014, 01:40 PM

Lets start with this.

1) You go to court and seek sole custody of the child. (that way there is no visitation until and unless he goes to court for it)

2) You get a child support order for the child. (it is the responsible thing to do)

3) After you have been married for about a year then seek adoption.

There is no need for gaurdianship unless your giving up the child to someone else. If you are then expect to pay child support also.