[The dude abides]

All right this may take a while.
So my girlfriend of 11 months called me and broke up with me out of the blue. Like way out of the blue. We were planning on moving in with each other the next year and she had been texting me about that and about having babies and crap like that the day before and then bam. Dumped over the phones. I knew she'd call back and she did an hour later saying she didn't want to do anything rash. Our relationship had been great before that. We had great communication(so much for that now) and were almost always happy with each other.

A possible point of interest is that she had been molested by her step dad, who she still has to live with, for about five years. As you can imagine he doesn't like me much because I know what he's done, but she still listens to him. Anyway though she texted and called after breaking up saying she didn't want to do anything rash and that she loved me and she just needs time (she literally used to text me all the time and spend all her free time with me, I wasn't even pushy).

On the day she called though was the only day I had texted her first that week. I was up early for a test, thought that was odd. So anyway we decided to meet up the next day and talk. It wound up with me bringing up her step dad and how he influenced her (she repeated stuff I know she heard from him at me yet got mad when id suggest he had any influence). This wound up with us basically yelling at each other which freaking sucked. Anyway we texted later and decided on a break. I asked how long and she said not sure, probably not more than a month. A few minutes later she was talking about meeting up that night, but decided not to when I asked if she was sure or needed more time. I invited her over the next day but she said she was busy, and then started texting me, drunk, that night. So basically the next day she was going to come over "as a friend" but couldn't so we met up the day after and decided officially on a two week break.

Well less then a week in she texts me something then says never mind right away. I end up texting her back. Basically she's said part of her wants to be single, but she misses me, but she's not sure if she's attracted to me in the same way anymore, and the list goes on. Currently we are"friends" and she's been texting me. She did promise not to do anything with other people. And I've let her know I won't stick around as her friend for long. Neither of us really have too thriving of social lives, as we've really been dedicated each other the past year. She was talking about how unhealthy it is that we depend on each other so much already and stuff like that.

What should I do? I really love my girlfriend, I want things to work out I just don't know what's happening or what to do.

[smoothy]

YOU both need to get lives outside of each other... I don't see love here.. I see obsession and trying to combine what should be a separate social life into an everything in one relationship... and that's not healthy.

I think she is seeing this.. even if she may not completely understand why just yet.

BUt long story short... if one person is needing a break for the other... its an indication of an unhealthy relationship which in this case one is smothering the other... or both are.

SHe needs space... you really have no other choice but give it to her... I'd recommend using it to reassess what's wrong in your life if you don't have any other friends.

[Homegirl 50]

This relationship sounds unhealthy. You both needs lives apart form each other. She wants a break, give it to her and get a life of your own.

[The dude abides]

This relationship sounds unhealthy. You both needs lives apart form each other. She wants a break, give it to her and get a life of your own.

Yeah I don't think our relationship is as unhealthy as I described it there since I was just talking about our issues. I'm in college and she plays volleyball and has a job so we only see each other once a week at best because were always busy. She has blown off friends a lot to hang out with me so I told her we should take a break for her to make some friends and get that straightened out. The whole life outside of each other thing is worse for her because she moved states about a year ago and has had a really hard time finding a good friend group. I told her yesterday morning that I understood why she wants a break and that I think we should take one too. She still facetimed me for over thirty minutes and texted me a lot that night. I made a discrete joke about her talking to me all break and she took the hint and finally stopped, not that I even really wanted her to but We do need a break I guess. What I'm really trying to figure out is if she'll come back to me. She seems unsure but I just don't know why. I get if she needs space to get her own life, I'm fine with that. But were always happy together, we have great conversations, the sex is great for both of us and my whole family even loves her. She talks about trying to find out what she wants out of life, and I guess she thinks that may not involve me. I just want to know you guys' opinions and any advice you can give.
Thanks

[Homegirl 50]

She may not have been as happy as you think. I don't know if she will come back. Maybe time away will show her that she does not need you for her happiness. That is unhealthy.

[talaniman]

Leave her alone to figure it out for herself and don't let her play head games with the calling and texting as friends, and you have been feeding that as an okay thing to do. She needs space give it to her. That take a break for a week, a month or whatever is TOTAL CRAP, and destroys honest communication and leaves false hope and fear, just as that "don't see other people" CRAP.

If you cannot cool down after an argument apologize and talk it out, you don't have a healthy relationship. If you cannot get through the hard times together then you DON'T have a healthy relationship. Sorry to be harsh, but being afraid of losing her just opens the door to you both falling for some really dumb head games and losing your dignity and self respect.