[Janey123]

I have discovered that my boyfriend has been dating my boss and is still seeing her.
Neither know that I know about their affair.

The boyfriend can go, I will just ignore all or any further responses from him, but what of my work place relationship with my boss?
Do I just keep quiet about this matter, never having previously involved myself in her private business or affairs? She has never discussed or questioned me about my private life, nor should she, work is work. But I feel so incredibly hurt and consequently, angry about all of this.

What to do?

[JoeCanada76]

I have discovered that my boyfriend has been dating my boss and is still seeing her.
Neither know that I know about their affair.

The boyfriend can go, I will just ignore all or any further responses from him, but what of my work place relationship with my boss?
Do I just keep quiet about this matter, never having previously involved myself in her private business or affairs? She has never discussed or questioned me about my private life, nor should she, work is work. But I feel so incredibly hurt and consequently, angry about all of this.

What to do?

How did that end up happening. Does your boyfriend work with the same boss. How did you find out about the affair and are you 100 percent sure it is happening.

The boyfriend can go, get rid of him. When you reveal it to him that you know, she will know too. Honestly, your boss could use this against you but you need to do what is right. She made it your business when she started seeing your boyfriend behind your back. Deal with your boyfriend. Try to continue work being work. Can you keep it separate.

Joe

[Janey123]

Hi,

Thank you for such a quick response.

How did I find out - god created coincidence. Went for a luncheon with two girlfriends at a rather beautiful and remote resort, and guess what, there was my boyfriend and boss sitting together rather cosily. No, it did not look like they were discussing business. He is a writer and self employed and to my knowledge does not have any business related dealings with her.
I immediately left, no scene making, don't know if they saw me or not. My boyfriend had not been answering his telephone for two days previous to my seeing them, nor since, which was and is unusual, despite the fact that I had left three messages. Hence the lunch with friends out of town.
Been a over a week now since I last heard from him and he has not returned my messages, so have decided not to contact him at all. This is very difficult for there has been no verbal closure to this four year relationship. Things were going along normally, no hitches that I am aware of. We were not living together as we appreciate our own space and I presumed both happy with this arrangement. I guess he was not that interested. I do not have the courage to go around and visit him, I would be terribly upset and too emotional. So thought about writing a letter to him and resigning from my work position.

My boss has been acting rather strangely in my presence over the last three weeks, avoiding me and communicating only when absolutely necessary, with absolutely no eye contact. Thought this was ever so strange but now realise why.
I think I may well leave this position, for it is too painful and emotionally difficult to be around her.

I am angry and would love to verbally put them in place, but I do wish to keep what little is left of my dignity. Do I give it to them, or let it all go?

Thanks for taking the time to read this. Great to hear a male point of view.

What a heartache, loved my guy and my work..

[JoeCanada76]

After four years and all of a sudden this happens. If since that moment that you saw them he has not talked to you, I wonder if perhaps they did see you?
Is your workplace full of different positions or has different bosses? It would be good if you could keep the job but get into another department?

I personally believe everybody that experiances anything like this some closure. I would say you need to deal with this male person and confront him, in person you could get their reaction. On the phone or in letter there is not guarantee they will read or listen. Even if it is in person they might not listen but at least you had your piece.

It is all in the approach, if you approach this male person and your acting mad and angry and nutty most likely they will not even give you the time of day. If you approach it in a calm manner and see if this person will actually clear the air. See what happens then. If nothing, then I would definitely do my best to let it go.

You do not have to lose everything, just remember that now that you know what this person is about, your actually gaining something about being in the knowing of it and also having your own control on what to do in this matter, plus your gaining by not having to deal with him anymore, knowing what he has done.

As far as the boss, I would be more careful. I would definitely check out all your options about work that you might have in this situation.

Hoping the best for you.

Joe

[manimuth]

Ok, so here is what I need to know to answer:

1) Do you love (need) your work enough to stay and pretend nothing happened?
2) Is it very hard for you to find a new job?

Oh, and about the boyfriend, you said it best "The boyfriend can go..."

P.S. An advice about closure: Don't waste your time looking for it from someone else. It comes from you...

[Janey123]

Thanks for the great answers.
Sole employee in this work arrangement and of course she is the only employer and owner of this business.
And yes, the closure will have to come from me. I guess there are many questions, truths, all left unanswered and the emotional baggage from this, the pain of which will no doubt pass with time, the remembrance of the act, no.
But in reality, if he loved me truly, this would not have happened. Lesson learned I hope.
It's a small town, and the chances of seeing him around are great. But to personally confront him, nope, I just cannot face him at present, too upset.

[manimuth]

If you can, I would recommend finding another job- only because seeing her everyday will not help you heal, from the hurt of being betrayed, and move on.
But, a good job doesn't come around everyday. So, if you're a strong girl, and this job is too precious for you, stay on and pretend nothing happened. And as a mentor once told me, no decision in life is ever final (except death ofcourse). So, if you find that the emotional agony, caused by seeing the woman who helped in the betrayal everyday, is not worth it, start looking for another job and start over.
Good luck.
As to what to do with your bf: He hasn't been answering your calls from before you saw this so I believe he has left already. If he manages to get in contact with you, let him know that it's over (has been for a while from the looks of it) and not to contact you again. If you do run into him after, in this small town you live in, walk straight, chin up, give him a smile and a nod, and keep it moving.

[rigged pin]

confront your boss tell our boyfriend he an and if you going to quit tell off your boss also =]