[Krla17]

I have been with this guy for 8 months now and we used to get along quite well until last month when he finished college and started working. He is spending his free days with his friends, he does invite me over but I am busy with University so I tell him that I am not going and he goes alone.

I told him to go out together till 10 pm one day but he said that he has to wake up early for work the next day so he cancelled but then another time he did hang out with his friends till midnight and he was working the next day. On Saturdays he hangs out with me but we are leaving about 1 am because he has to sleep to go out with his friends the next day. When I told him that it is bothering me he said that he needs to sleep enough. On Sundays he spends from morning till 8pm with his friends cruising along with their cars and then we go out and spend just one hour because he says that he has to sleep because he has to wake up early for work on Monday.

I got really mad one time and told him that I am not going out but he said that he was coming for me because we needed to talk and after we meet and talked he said that I was right but his car and going out for a ride is a part of him and he now has time to do it since when he was in college he was busy with assignments.

We are both 21 by the way, I do not get bothered with him going out with his friends but I feel like he should draw a line between spending time with them and spending nearly ALL his time with them since we end up meeting for like 4 hours a week only. Sometimes I am feeling like I am making a fuss and being a physco girlfriend but sometimes I feel like that he is ignoring me and I get tempted to tell him we need to break up but then it is not like he hits me or anything and apart from this he treats me really well. What should I do?

[talaniman]

I think you have to back up and accept the relationship takes a back seat to exploring his world, and doing his thing. If his priorities are unacceptable, then you end the relationship. If you cannot after 8 months resolve the priority or schedule conflicts, then you end the relationship.

If you cannot adjust to the direction this relationship is going you end it, and deal with the feelings until you can do better without him.

[Elle16]

You have only been in this relationship for 8 months, and it's already unsatisfactory, so I would advise you to end it now. He is not planning to change, and you will be better suited with someone who values spending time with you. You don't want to continue on this path and end up married to him and sitting home alone all day and night with the kids while he hangs out with his friends.

[Jake2008]

What are your expectations, as far as where the relationship is going, and are any of your needs and wants being met?

What are his expectations, as far as the relationship is going, and are his needs and wants being met?

If you see a great divide here, there really isn't anywhere to go, because the relationship itself, doesn't seem to have taken hold.

Being a couple, in a relationship, is not what you have now. What was little to start with, is even less now; down to 4 hours a week.

I would arrange a time and place to sit and talk with him. It is important that you express what you want in a relationship, right down to the nitty gritty, without expecting to be his be all, and end all. Try to make at least a compromising start that you both agree to. Maybe start even with a date night. One night, same night, every week, you go out, have dinner, see a movie. See if he can't at least agree to that much.

Then go from there.

You will know soon enough, once the cards are on the table and expectations are known (you both want a relationship), and simple steps are taken, like the date night, whether he can even be reliable enough to follow through.

If he doesn't, can't, or refuses, to give a little bit of time, in a reliable way, that you can count on, then I'd call it quits.