[DOdgypirate]

A friend of mine knocked on my door earlier asking whether the rumours of me changing University accommodation were true. I told him they were and "How did you know?"

Apparently, last night, my ex GF asked him. I think she may of overheard me talking about it to the cleaners, but what I really don't get is why she's so bothered about it that she needs to ask my friends, who she knows will tell me she asked them?

Does she still care, and do you think there's a slim chance she wants me back?

How do I go about this?

[Oliver2011]

Why do you care? You two are ex's for a reason. Whom broke up with whom? Personally speaking I always try to move my life forward, not backwards. Sometimes when you break up with someone you remember all the wonderful parts forgetting the parts that drove you two to separate in the first place.

[DOdgypirate]

Why do you think I still care? Because I still like her!

It was a mutual break up.

I haven't contacted her in 6 weeks and suddenly this happens, I can't believe you're wondering why I've asked the question in the first place.

I know why we broke up the first time, and I've fixed this issues - my issues. If she's up for getting back together we will.

I'm asking whether you think she still likes me and HOW I can get back with her.

[talaniman]

Ask her and see what she says about still liking you and getting back together. That's better than asking a strangers opinion about things they can't know. Then you don't have to speculate and get the facts you need to know what's up.

[Oliver2011]

The questions were asked because you gave us little information to go on.

Does she know you fixed whatever issue you had that caused the breakup? You might want to share this with her and see where it goes.

Why do you think I still care? Because I still like her!

It was a mutual break up.

I haven't contacted her in 6 weeks and suddenly this happens, I can't believe you're wondering why I've asked the question in the first place.

I know why we broke up the first time, and I've fixed this issues - my issues. If she's up for getting back together we will.

I'm asking whether you think she still likes me and HOW I can get back with her.

[smoothy]

An ex is an ex for a very good reason... and they should remain an ex. Because trust me... the past never stays in the past for most women and some men... whatever the issues were... you will always hear abot it... even if you really did resolve them.

You would be better off finding a new girlfriend... as you will have a clean slate so don't make the same mistakes you made before.

That's comes from personal experience and what I've seen others do over the many years I've been old enough to know what the opposite sex was for.

[DOdgypirate]

@Oliver2011

No, like I said I haven't contacted or confronted in her in 6 weeks. But I have been sorting out my issues, the issues that were present our relationship, and I can safely say they have gone.

What she wants to hear is "I've sorted my issues" and "I know where our relationship went wrong".

Don't get me wrong, the past relationship is over, I'm not trying to take off from where it ended, I just want a new fresh start with her.

@Smoothy You speak for 80% of the population - an ex is an ex, bla bla bla.

Fact is some relationships CAN be fixed. If I had been with her for years, say 2 years, then the problems would've accumulated, and like you rightly said "you will always about it".

However, in this case, we were together for 1 month and I really do believe the one issue is easily fixed.

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I'm going to text her Friday when I've moved to the new place, just ask "Hey, how have you been" or something similar and take it from there.

[Oliver2011]

"Fact is some relationships CAN be fixed." Then ask her out and see what happens.

You were together one month so that isn't a long time. She may not have developed deep feelings for you in such a short time. Or maybe she did, I wouldn't know. But since you are confident you have taken care of the issue that broke you two apart, ask her out and see what happens.

A lot of people on here, me included, don't believe in going backwards. I say that now but truth is if anything happened between my partner and I, I probably would do anything to repair it.

@Oliver2011

No, like I said I haven't contacted or confronted in her in 6 weeks. But I have been sorting out my issues, the issues that were present our relationship, and I can safely say they have gone.

What she wants to hear is "I've sorted my issues" and "I know where our relationship went wrong".

Don't get me wrong, the past relationship is over, I'm not trying to take off from where it ended, I just want a new fresh start with her.

@Smoothy You speak for 80% of the population - an ex is an ex, bla bla bla.

Fact is some relationships CAN be fixed. If I had been with her for years, say 2 years, then the problems would've accumulated, and like you rightly said "you will always about it".

However, in this case, we were together for 1 month and I really do believe the one issue is easily fixed.

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I'm going to text her Friday when I've moved to the new place, just ask "Hey, how have you been" or something similar and take it from there.

[smoothy]

If you claim it's a fact some relationships can be fied... then why are you here asking us? I've got 53 years of life experience that proves people never change....habits are very...very difficult to break.....bad ones are even harder. People PRETEND to change...and for a while they might...but they always fall back into their natural way of doing things before long .....good or bad.

And trust me......when I was really young....I used to think that too....then as I matured I learned hopes and dreams can't change human nature. The harder you have to work to make a relationship happen in the first place...the less likely its going to last. The best ones are the ones that just naturally happen...a natural fit that doesn't need or have a lot of drama.

I have something you don't have... objectivity. I don't know either of you... I have no emotional ties blinding me to facts of the case...

I also have something else you don't have... experience. Experience of having seen many others beat their head against the wall trying only to fail... experience from having tried that myself when I was much younger.

I also have Decades of experience with dozens of women to know most women never let anything go... as long as they remember it... it WILL come up again at some point... no matter how many years it might take. It's their nature. You can't change their nature...you learn to work with it.

Thinking you can have a fresh start with someone you already screwed up with... is a falicy, Just like a woman that thinks she can give up her virginity more than once. YOu only have one shot at a fresh start... and that's when you first meat someone... you never get a second one.

People have memories... as long as they do... previous actions will always be remembered.

Now you can waste a lot of time trying to do the impossible... or you can save the time you will never get back by leaning from your mistakes and moving on to a new person you don't have any history... or baggage with.

It's your life... your choice... its yours to waste. Life isn't nearly as long as it seems to you now... and not too many years from now you will be regretting wasteing any of it. I'm only offering advice of a someone objective so you can have enough information to make a better choice.

But seriously... you knew each other for a MONTH... you don't develop a relationship in a month... you can't learn her tastes in food in a month. By that I don't mean knowing she doesn't like cabbage....but knowing what all she likes and doesn't like and being able to know if she's going to like something shes never had before or not...and be right about it most of the time.

[DOdgypirate]

@Oliver and @Smoothy

I went out last night with a friend to have a drink and pay some pool - I really had to get my ex off my mind and it was working until she showed up.

I went outside of a smoke with my pal. I was trying not to pay attention to her and kept talking and fooling around with my friend. I could clearly see in the corner of my eye that she was looking at me for 2 seconds or more.

I caught her twice later on, I made eye contact but she looked away immediately.

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@Smoothy... the difference under my circumstances, I was drunk. It wasn't really me - hell, I can't really remember exactly what I said to her on that fateful night.

I respect the fact you have years and years of experience, but you can't just just group people because of experience. Every one asks differently, no one acts similarly unless they are close friends, brother or sister, etc...

"You never get a second" -I call bull on that one. In two different occasions in the past, excluding this one, I was dumped by exes. In both cases we got back together and lasted years after that (2 and 3,5 respectively) and I wouldn't say in the slightest that they were "wasted" years.

Looking back claiming you've "wasted" years is a proof of insecurity and immaturity to be honest - ironic since you're telling us you have "53" years of experience.

That puts you at at least 60 years old, am I right, possibly older.

To say that people don't change is ludicrous. Have you not changed from when you were a little tich in your dad's nut sack? Physically, yes, obviously you've grown, but in terms of your personality and character you have too. You've been influenced by the people around you, like your family and friends. Throughout those 53 years you've definitely made new friends and you might have created your own family too; all those things changed you too - you can't deny it.

Hell I'm not the same person I was say 4 years ago, back then I was extremely shy and suffered from social anxiety. Now? I'm more upbeat and my self-esteem is booming.

Finally, a lot can happen in a Month. I learnt a lot about her in just a month, how? Within 2 weeks she made me go meet her parents for dinner. I learnt a lot about her through them and her brother. We spent a lot of time talking about each others lives as we watched films together and I learnt even more about her just looking at her actions, etc...




I think you're just caught in your own world, you're over confident in your "experience" - you're telling yourself "53, dozen of women, I know more than any one else"... Relationship websites are full of people like you, but you forget one major thing: WE ARE ALL DIFFERENT AND RELATIONSHIPS ARE NEVER THE SAME.

Say what you have to say to this, but you're certainly wrong on many points you've brought up in that last point.

[smoothy]

If it only lasted a couple years before it fell apart again... then that's exactly what I mean. They are wasted years because you are no longer with them... and you might have missed that chance with your soul partner you never met because you were with someone that wasn't.

It is a difficult concept to pass on to someone who is young and hasn't yet met theirs... but you might have soemwhat liked those couple years... but until you've met someone truly incredible... someone that was truly meant to be... you don't have a point of reference as to what good really is.

Sure every girl I was ever with before I met the one seems pretty good at the time... because that's all I had for a reference... once I met someone that was really, and I mean REALLY incredible... ( and there were TWO of those) then in hindsight I saw those previous relationships for what they really were... because now I understood what good really could be.


And as far as being drunk... that is just a way to try to rationalize something... alcohol just lowers inhibitions... you always had that stuff in the back of your mind... the booze only helped let you act on it.

What was said was said, what was done was done... blaming it on alcohol is just a way of tyrying to deflect responsibility.

Listen to yourself... YOU are how old now? You have dated how many people? You are proven that you are very losed minded and think you have all the answers... when its obvious you don't. Are you even 20 yet?. I guarantee you you aren't thirty... because your mindest on the topic is one of someone who is barely an adult.

People aren't as different as you are trying to convince yourself they are... and when you get older and have a lot more experioence... you are going to see this for yourself.

A month? You think a lot really happens in a month, other then knock someone up and ruin a relationship... it takes at least 3 years before you even can get to really know a person... because people aren't really honest or really acting themselves before then... they put on their best behaviour and pretend to be somethiing else... it takes three years before they get tired of pretending and start doing what's natural to them.

I spend more than a month deciding what tires I plan to get for my car... I spend much longer than that deciding what car to buy... be it new or used... because initial impressions are so often wrong.

Sorry to be so blunt... but if you have all the answers to life... what are you here asking us for?

[Cat1864]

the difference under my circumstances, I was drunk. It wasn't really me - hell, I can't really remember exactly what I said to her on that fateful night.

If you can't remember then you may have fixed your issue but might not have touched hers. You were drunk and made a mistake. Next time you see her, you are out drinking. Even if part of her was hoping for another chance, that in itself may cause her to back away for fear of a repeat performance.

Understand 'I was drunk. It wasn't me.' is an excuse said way too often and heard far too much. What she learned about you in that one event may have kicked aside every bit of good she thought she knew about you. Once you damage a bond of trust, it is extremely hard to fix it. The scar will always be there. Depending on how much you hurt her that night, she may always be afraid of that side of you showing up again.

You can't go backward. The relationship you had ended that night. IF she lets you back into her life, then you have to be willing to start over and rebuild the trust and relationship from the foundation up.

[Oliver2011]

So? What is next? Are you going to speak to her?

@Oliver and @Smoothy

I went out last night with a friend to have a drink and pay some pool - I really had to get my ex off my mind and it was working until she showed up.

I went outside of a smoke with my pal. I was trying not to pay attention to her and kept talking and fooling around with my friend. I could clearly see in the corner of my eye that she was looking at me for 2 seconds or more.

I caught her twice later on, I made eye contact but she looked away immediately.

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