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coldasice24 · Jan 27, 2014, 12:40 PM

Hello my boyfriend and I have been together off and on for years but recently we are back on again. He has unofficially moved into my apt and I say unofficial because he doesn't have but some items in my apt. I think he does this so that he doesn't have to pay any bills. Now he does put some food in my fridge like once a month which doesn't last but two weeks and he brings friends,family and even his daughters over to spend a few nights or weekend and play games but when I say something about bills he says he doesn't live there.. ugh!! I feel like he should pay more than 60 bucks in food a month but he doesn't nstead he will pay if we go out but that doesn't compare to what I pay in bills.. what should I do am I asking for too much. He sleeps there watches TV take showers, He also thinks that because most of his things are at his mom's house that he doesn't live there but he's here more than me with a toothbrush, body wash a few outfits shoes money even a robe!! help!!

odinn7 · Jan 27, 2014, 12:44 PM

What should you do? Well, if it bothers you this much then grow a spine and tell him that he can't "almost" live there for free. Tell him if he is going to be staying there, he needs to pay.

You'll probably upset him so you have to decide if this is something worth fighting for.

The way I see it...if he's showing his colors already, how will it be if you two ever do actually live together or even get married? You think he will suddenly stop being cheap? I doubt it.

The bottom line is that you are allowing this behavior so he will continue to do it.

Oliver2011 · Jan 27, 2014, 02:16 PM

Aren't these things that you work out and agree to before someone moves in with you? If you don't, and you didn't, it is much more difficult to correct after the move.

talaniman · Jan 27, 2014, 02:46 PM

I guess you guys will be off again soon, like you have been before after you got on again.

joypulv · Jan 27, 2014, 03:02 PM

A BOYFRIEND is someone you can tell all this to. He seems to sense that he can walk all over you, and it's your fault (equally) for allowing it. Letting other people spend the night is especially bothersome to me and I would have said 'This is my place, Sam doesn't live here, so good night.'
Then you sit down with him and tell him he either moves in and splits all costs, or he moves out, right down to his toothbrush. Tell him that any meals, whether at your place or out, will be arranged separately. Write it down.
Finances are a BIG part of couples not getting along, yet it's usually easily solved.

(If it were me, I wouldn't even do this... I'd send him home with his stuff, just so that he can't bring other people over. He's using his parents and you for the best of both worlds.)

coldasice24 · Jan 27, 2014, 03:28 PM

Thanks even though you guys let me have it.. I will get a spine and let him know..

odinn7 · Jan 27, 2014, 07:29 PM

Originally Posted by coldasice24

Thanks even though you guys let me have it.. I will get a spine and let him know..

LOL...I know that sometimes I can come across as mean...really I'm not trying to be. I say things this way to get a point across and being nice about it doesn't always accomplish that.

Good luck to you.

Fr_Chuck · Jan 27, 2014, 08:20 PM

On again, and off again, is a sign that you go back when there is no one else. Start figuring there is a reason and just don't go back to him.

smoothy · Jan 27, 2014, 08:35 PM

He does this because you let him walk all over you. Seriously as was said... it will only end when you get rid of him and his stuff...for good.

Jake2008 · Jan 28, 2014, 09:59 AM

Him 'sort of living there' is a little bit like being 'a little bit pregnant' isn't it?

You really need to discuss the arrangements, and tell (don't ask or compromise) him what you expect. He can give you 'x' amount of dollars a week, and his family staying over on a weekend will no longer happen, unless he kicks in more.

I'm sure he knows very well what the cost of living is, because his parents probably let him know, and if they don't, they should be.

There is no fault to him here, because it is you that is being clearly taken advantage of.

Set some rules, and stick to them.

Homegirl 50 · Jan 29, 2014, 07:15 PM

He either lives there or he doesn't and that is up to you. Tell him he either moves in and foots half the bills or he does not stay overnight, ever!
But as unsteady as the relationship has been, I'd just tell him to leave and be done with it. You are the one in control.