[marshal1996]

Am 18 years old , and I have been feeling depressed and angry in a unbelieveble way for more than five years... I have the thought of killing myself almost every day since years , I told no one.. I don't express my feeling to any one how close he is ,never did... I have been pullyed for almost half of my life... but now am strong and fearless... but there's too much bad memories in my head that just won't come out and am feeling so empty on the inside ,an emptyness that I can only fill in pain , I used to cut myself... but now when I feel like this I go to my backyard and hit the wall and other stuff until my hands got bloody... and like I said I feel angry enough to hit someone to death.
Please answer me fast what to do I can't take it any more..

[joypulv]

'Lust of dying?' Lust means sexual desire. Perhaps you are using a translator?

I am sorry you were bullied. It's good that you are strong now, but it's understandable that all those years are still in your mind, and that it wasn't easy to grow like other kids. The teen years are really tough for just about all of us, and I often wonder how any of us got past them.

It helps enormously to have ONE GOOD FRIEND. Do you have one?

[Jake2008]

Anger is an emotion that is normal, in all people. Misdirected anger, without a cause, or that is not understood, or dealt with, builds up, and builds up, and the self-harm you describe is dangerous, and out of control.

The length of time that you have been angry, without any indication of having this anger addressed, means that you are in serious need of professional help.

Cutting yourself, and hitting a wall until your hands are bloody, and feeling like you could kill another person with all this anger inside you- is alarming, and needs immediate intervention.

This anger you say you have, is no longer anger, it is out of control rage.
Please seek help.

[mogrann]

It is hard to open up to someone about your feelings and emotions. I struggle with that. You do need to for your own safety though. You may learn some new skills to help you deal with life.
I do understand your post and your use of the word lust. I can not explain it to others besides saying at times suicide can seem like a best friend and release. Can you write out a note to someone expressing what you are feeling if you are unable to express yourself verbally? I have done that before when I went to therapy or the ER. Please reach out and give people the chance to help you.

[Catsmine]

You may have heard the phrase "channeling your anger." It can be tremendously useful to have an outlet where being violent is the desired result. Military Service can teach you how to be constructively violent, as can such sports as Kara-te, Hai Ki Do, or Boxing. All of those will teach you to focus your anger and do something with it rather than let it fester.

[marshal1996]

Thanks you joypulv but you can't trust people they will stab you in the back as soon as they can... and Jake2008 its true what you said I have an out of control rage and am afraid to kill or hurt other people I tried to do it before... it was a really bad day where my anger was reaching the top and my friend try to jock with me in a really bad way so I pulled out a knife and wanted to stap them and I started to cry with no reason.. but thanks god I couldn't stap anyone :(... and am sorry but I hate docters they did a lot of bad thing to me all my life... and mogrann I can't people will think diffrenet of me and I struggled a lot to gets pullys of my back and your right suicide can look like his your best friend that my I like to feel pain it makes me forget... Catsmine my counrty is in war (am in syria btw)
We don't really have a lot of sports and our army is not a good choice (most of them like to kill and tourture people )... I actually played some kickboxing for a short time but now I have what they call bakaloria (its like high school but much much more harder ) so I really don't have that much time and energy... THANX ALL FOR EVEYRTHING U REALLY HELP ME