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rockerchick26 · Jan 24, 2014, 02:04 PM

My hubby went on an overnight trip with his boss and a colleague last night for a conference. He's about to return and I am a little annoyed. Why you ask? Well I feel as if there was a lack of communication. He left at 6 am Thursday and will be returning 6 pm Fri. Last night, he "spoke" with me on Facebook chat for about 5 minutes and then had to go. When I asked why he didn't call, he said nobody else was calling their spouses and he felt weird. We parted FB with me asking him to give me a call tomorrow when he had time.

Fast forward to 3:30 pm this afternoon - no call, text, or communication of any kind. I text him, simply asking what the situation was and if he was already on the way back. The answer: Yes, I'll be back around 5:30. I always call if I'm away overnight, even if it's for just a few minutes.

I realize that people have WAY bigger problems then this in their lives, in fact I feel a little ridiculous even posting this. My question is, am I being irrational when I feel annoyed at what I perceive as a lack of communication? Did he behave normally and I'm getting my panties all in a bunch for nothing? If you feel I'm "right" (although I don't think there is a right or wrong here) how do I approach this in a way that doesn't start an argument?

talaniman · Jan 24, 2014, 02:39 PM

I remember telling you not to chase that hard headed self absorbed butt hole you married. So why even argue or get mad that he doesn't call or text when he is gone? That would be a waste of a good temper tantrum, because he won't change. Hasn't yet I bet. Its not that you are wrong though, but that's not the point. The point is you know how he always has been, but expect him to change. That's what's wrong so don't make more of the same a big deal now.

Do your thing and adjust your expectations, or better yet, say nothing until you have reached a cool calm peace of mind. Don't chase him. There, I said it again.

rockerchick26 · Jan 24, 2014, 03:04 PM

To be fair, it's been a long time. Things have improved, and I realize that a lot of the problems we had were a result of my behavior. I haven't always been easy to live with. He is not without his imperfections as well. I'm trying to sort out what really is an issue and what's an issue of my own making.

talaniman · Jan 24, 2014, 03:16 PM

Doesn't matter since you can only control YOUR thoughts, actions, and words. NOT his. LOL, a few years is nothing to married couples, and after 37 years we still have to work on it. Still getting better.

Wondergirl · Jan 24, 2014, 03:20 PM

I'm with tal on this. Mentally and emotionally detach yourself from this "communication" problem. You know where he's coming from (nowhere), so why stress yourself with the hope he will change. He is NOT going to change. Get a life going, read books, chat with friends, crochet an afghan, and stay busy. Don't allow his neglect to wear you down. Okay?

Alty · Jan 24, 2014, 03:35 PM

There is no right and wrong in this situation. You feel a certain way, he feels a certain way, he does what he feels like doing, and you expect him to do what you want him to do. Someone has to give, and it seems neither or you are willing to do that.

In the grand scheme of things this is a non issue, or it should be. In life you have to learn to pick your battles. So, how important is this one to you? Do you want to start a fight over something he'll likely never change, just so you can make sure he knows what he did wrong in your eyes?

So he didn't call. He did fb chat you, he did keep in touch, just not the way you wanted him to. If you feel this strongly about it, talk to him, tell him you really would have liked a phone call. But don't turn it into a fight just because you didn't get what you wanted.

Jake2008 · Jan 25, 2014, 07:37 AM

I don't see the big deal in an overnight business trip, and you expecting set rules of communication. You know where he is, what he's doing, who he's with, and when he'll be home.

To hound him to communicate leaves you looking jealous, suspicious, and desperate.

Why go looking for trouble, when there is none to be had, except that which you make into a problem.

Fr_Chuck · Jan 25, 2014, 07:44 AM

A overnight business trip, and he talked at least once. You are wanting too much from a man who normally does nothing

rockerchick26 · Jan 25, 2014, 07:34 PM

I'm not sure if people here think I was just sitting home and waiting for him to call. I went to a Zumba class, went out with some friends the next day and took myself on a mini shopping spree for some new work out clothes. It's not like I pined for him all night/day. I don't think it's so outrageous that I wanted him to call me.

I've decided that this is a non issue - I was just reacting emotionally in the moment. I always call him when I'm away, but maybe it's just because I'm female. I shouldn't expect him to communicate in the same way I do. I just told him that I missed hearing his voice and left it at that. Complaining would just drive him away and get the opposite reaction that I want.