[Scarletkateri]

Ok me and my boyfriend have been together for over a year but I've recently started noticing some things that bother me. One thing that's bothered me since the beginning is he took a year to actually ask me to be his girlfriend. He also took about 8 or 9 months just to start kissing me goodbye in public. I just thought I had to get over it cause that's just how he is. He doesn't hold my hand in public and when we hold hands at all it's not for long. We don't call each other babe or baby in person and I'm too scared to start now cause I feel like if he hasn't said it by now he doesn't want to. He doesn't hold doors open or take me to dinner or anything but I feel like I'm expecting too much of him. He doesn't work or have a car (we're both 17) so I can understand why we don't go out so much but I get bored of staying at his house all the time. Plus, he doesn't come over my house because he's scared of my dog. We see each other every day at school and sometimes after school but now I'm going to start college and I'm moving away and he's making it hard for me to be OK with that. He isn't very ambitious and doesn't even want to go to college. And he's never been great at school. He doesn't really have any responsibilities. Basically what I want to know is what can I do to have him show the affection that I would like and what do I do about him being lazy? I don't want him to be a failure, I want him to be ambitious and hardworking but if I can't make him do anything what do I do? I'm happy with him but now that I'm going to college I feel like if I'm going to keep a long distance relationship it should be a very strong one. Please give me advice as to what I can do or should do or what I should think of

[talaniman]

I think you put your priorities that are important for you ahead of the notion that he can be changed from what he is. He is holding you back and more than likely the distance after you leave for school will make things even more difficult and frustrating.

You have a huge decision to make. Build a life for yourself with a future, or share his life with no future, just more of the same as you have. Consider the FACTS, and NOT just the feelings. Trust me, when you have a chance to meet more ambitious and dynamic responsible males, you will outgrow this fellow very fast.

That may not be a bad thing since you don't seem to be able to talk and resolve this issue.

[Fr_Chuck]

If after a year, you can not talk openly about problems, there is no relationship worth saving.

You did not say culture, here in China for example, most couples seldom hold hands in public and there is almost no display of affection publicly.

ASK you to be a girl friend, does that really happen ? In all my years I never asked anyone to be a girlfriend, it just happens, you keep dating and you are. Why did he have to ask ?
What were you before he asked ?

[Homegirl 50]

You boyfriend may not be comfortable with displays of affection, and you two have different goals, that suggest you two are not compatible. You can't change him nor should you try. Call it quits.

[Wondergirl]

You're happy with him, you said. From everything else you wrote, no, you are not happy with him at all! You didn't mention one thing about him that makes you happy. Is there anything?