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daniigurl · Dec 30, 2013, 04:07 PM

So I've been talking to this guy now for a little over two months. We've gone out now three times, but I'm a bit skeptical on if he's actually interested in me. I'm not sure if it's insecurity on my part or a mixture that and mixed messages. He's yet to make any kind of move on me, let it be holding my hand or kissing me. He's only ever hugged me goodnight. Not that I want him to be overly physical, I do enjoy that we actually spend time talking and getting to know one another as opposed to rushing into the more physical acts of dating. But being a young woman, I'm more so used to men being more assertive on dates, not sexually, but just making it fairly obvious they're interested. We text everyday, but it's nothing more than polite conversation. We've yet to talk on the phone. He does say nice things like, "good morning, beautiful", but when we text often times he fails to respond or doesn't reply for hours. I guess I'm not really sure what to think and feel it would be inappropriate to be direct and just ask him how he feels do to us not having in depth conversations and seeing one another only once or twice a month. I know it's still fairly early on, but what do you all think? Am I being friend zoned or are some guys more reserved than others? I honestly haven't done much dating, been in a handful of relationships, but never dated much as an adult so this is still pretty new to me.

talaniman · Dec 30, 2013, 05:27 PM

3 dates and a bunch of texts isn't enough to form much opinion on, but maybe he is reserved and in no hurry to rush things before he knows better what he is getting into. Or he may be a single guy who dates many, or is very busy with life and a career. But worrying about when he responds to texts may be you worrying about whether he is that interested or not and a bit obsessive as let's face it, comparing exes and past experiences to new strangers is an assumption that may be distorting reality.

Go with the flow and see what happens and this early, its not wise to get carried away by feelings, or have high expectations or even get too wrapped up in this fellow until you know more and that texting is no substitute or indication of anything except its easy. For sure you are not exclusive, or his highest priority so don't make him your just yet.

Sorry, its just too soon, even after two months and not much progress. 2 months 3 dates huh? That's almost NOTHING!

Cat1864 · Dec 30, 2013, 06:06 PM

dani, if you haven't had any in-depth conversations, what have you discussed? Have you discussed your child (previous threads) and his feelings about dating a single mother?

You seem to be contradicting yourself. First you say that you enjoy the time you send talking and getting to know each other, but then you say that you feel it would be inappropriate to be direct since you aren't having in-depth conversations. You aren't getting to know each other if your conversations are little more than small talk.

If you think it is inappropriate to have a serious discussion with him about anything, then it is probably a very good thing he hasn't been very assertive about physical contact. Being able to have an in-depth discussion about a sensitive topic should come before intimate/sexual contact.

daniigurl · Dec 30, 2013, 07:47 PM

I should have clarified more, perhaps, what I meant by a lack of in depth conversations. Him and I have discussed quite a bit, we both have children, and have discussed more in detail our lives, goals, interests, etc.. the conversations we have day to day lack depth. I don't want a sexual relationship, I'm not looking for a fling. I'm also not looking to get wrapped up in things this early on, it's just challenging I suppose to try to assess his intent and level of interest being that he appears to be more reserved.

Cat1864 · Dec 30, 2013, 08:29 PM

Originally Posted by daniigurl

I should have clarified more, perhaps, what I meant by a lack of in depth conversations. Him and I have discussed quite a bit, we both have children, and have discussed more in detail our lives, goals, interests, etc.. the conversations we have day to day lack depth. I don't want a sexual relationship, I'm not looking for a fling. I'm also not looking to get wrapped up in things this early on, it's just challenging I suppose to try to assess his intent and level of interest being that he appears to be more reserved.

Okay, that sounds better.

Since you both have children to protect, he may be wanting to keep things on a friendly level so there is less chance of making a mistake that could affect the children.

However, if you are curious or in any way worried about his thoughts, ask him. Better to ask than to assume you know what he is thinking or create stories in your own mind to fill in the gaps.

daniigurl · Dec 30, 2013, 11:45 PM

We have agreed not to involve our children in anything unless things progress to a serious level, though I can understand if that is a concern for him. I don't want to come across as overly interested by asking him to be more specific with how he feels towards me. I'm not very used to this style of dating, any dating I've done in the past has been much more open communication wise from the beginning. I'm also naturally a very outspoken individual, but I can come across as too blunt and honest and I guess I'm not certain if just straight out asking is the appropriate thing to do.

talaniman · Dec 31, 2013, 09:29 AM

Just be yourself and its never a bad thing to communicate honestly. Wouldn't you rather know sooner rather than later if you can get along together, and deal with each other? So what if he is more reserved, as you say, than you are use to? It's a learning/coping experience.

Just because you are talking, texting, and dating(?) should you stop living, or exploring your world and not be open to options and opportunities that present themselves for fun and romance? This doesn't appear to be serious enough to get stuck on. Not yet any way. More will be revealed later if you don't push to hard rising to the challenge of his being reserved and you being curious.

I will be a bit blunt and honest myself, and 3 dates in two months despite the texting, doesn't show a lot of interests from either of you. But I'm old school, and dating is having fun getting to know each other to decide if there is a bond enough for a commitment, or at least decide about being exclusive. Heck, even friends hangout just for fun. If neither of you makes time for each other, then its just catch you when I can.

I wouldn't hold my breath too long, or be curious about the intentions of a text buddy. But who knows what happens in the coming months or even if you will still be available for romance with him.

Talaniman Rule- date them all! Fat, short, skinny, or tall! 18 to 80, blind cripple, or crazy!

Plenty of time for serious don't rush it.