[guest1000]

I'm a 42 year old guy, married with a child. A year ago, I started an affair with a lady who I met at work, within days of the affair starting her husband found out. He confronted me at work, and accepted that it was a one off fling. He is Indian (as is she), and is controlling and abusive. I told my wife everything at the time, and she also accepted that it was a one off. It wasn't and isn't a one off, we are still seeing each other and very much in love. Her husband is abusive, both verbally and physically, to the extent she has been hospitalised on a number of occasions. I feel powerless to say or do anything. I love her so much, I would face up and confess all to her husband and my wife if I thought it would do any good, but she is adamant that he will do something crazy, not just to her but to me also, as far literally killing us.

[ScottGem]

You have 2 choices: 1) End the affair 2) divorce your wife. Then if she won't divorce her husband, you still end it.

Bottom line is carrying on an affair when you are married, especially with another married person, is wrong. If you are unhappy in your marriage then end it.

[guest1000]

Hi, I wish it was that easy. When her husband found out originally he was adamant that he speak with my wife, which he did. His wife has begged me not to end my marriage, at least until I know for sure that my wife won't contact her husband as a result. I know for sure that she would do so. It's so hard to explain this situation fully, there are so many factors.

[Cat1864]

This is going to be harsh.

She needs to handle her own marriage and stop playing games with you. Whether that means she leaves him and goes to woman's shelter or she stays is her choice.

You need to stop playing games. Decide if you are a married man or an ex-husband. Either way stop cheating on your wife.

Talk to your wife. Be honest with her. Let her make her own decisions about whether she wants to be married to you or wants a divorce. Either way marriage counseling may help you get through the difficulties and work together as parents even if you aren't a couple.

It doesn't matter what the other woman does or doesn't do. Her life is not your responsibility. It is hers and she needs to take care of it. She doesn't need to leave an abusive husband for one who is willing to cheat and lie to his partner. IF she leaves it needs to be for herself because she finally had enough and doesn't want to live with it any longer. But it has to be for herself otherwise she will be right back in the same place making the same mistakes because she hasn't learned to care for and support herself.

[talaniman]

Hi, I wish it was that easy. When her husband found out originally he was adamant that he speak with my wife, which he did. His wife has begged me not to end my marriage, at least until I know for sure that my wife won't contact her husband as a result. I know for sure that she would do so. It's so hard to explain this situation fully, there are so many factors.

It was easy to start this affair, but all of a sudden you can't stop? Come on, all the other complications and factors are irrelevant. The only thing that matter is doing the right thing by your wife. Try some honesty and lose the excuses. Man up.

[Fr_Chuck]

1. she can end her abusive marriage anytime she wants, she does not want to, for some reason she prefers to be in it.

2. you need to be honest with your wife, divorce her and stop cheating on her.

3. if your mistress will not leave her husband, stop seeing her, she has made a choice.

You need to do what is right for your wife, and your marriage,

Timeto stop the affair and stop putting sex ahead of your marriage

[ScottGem]

I'm sorry but it is that simple. You entered into vows with your wife. I'm not saying that those vows are unbreakable, but if you can no longer adhere to those vows then you owe it to your wife to divorce her and let her go on with her life. The same goes for this other woman.

[guest1000]

Thanks for your replies... reading them all is confirming what, deep down I know already. It's time I was honest with my wife, I think deep down she knows it anyway. I hate what I'm doing, but the fact is I'm in love with this other woman, and whether we end up together I don't know, but I need to give my wife the same chance that I'm hoping for... that of a new life with the love of my life. I will post again soon with updates... thanks again for the replies... harsh? Yes! Necessary? Definitely!

[Fr_Chuck]

Tough love, we do care and what the best for all people. Sometimes there is no easy answer and someone gets hurt when families are involved.