[Cass1978]

My husband and I have been together for 6 years. I love him with all my heart. We have two beautiful kids. The problem is I'm a country girl and he's a city guy. He comes from Singapore, I come from Australia. We have lived in Australia since being together and I have had enough. I have no friends or a life. Things I want to do, I can't, as the lifestyle there won't permit it. I want to live in Australia, but my husband don't want that. He is willing to give up it all because he would rather make money and stay in Singapore. I love him but I am so unhappy in Singapore! I'm torn!

[Oliver2011]

"I love him with all my heart."

Sorry but I have to pull the Bull Crappies alarm on that statement. You are willing to sacrifice your marriage and introduce instability to your kids because of where you live? Shouldn't the kids come first in any decision you make?

"I have no friends n a life." - That is fixable no matter where you live. There are things you can do regardless of location that will allow you to start making friends and having a life. It seems to me this path would be far less devastating to your family than you splitting with your husband.

Maybe there is more to this and your relationship with your husband that you haven't said.

[Cass1978]

"I love him with all my heart."

Sorry but I have to pull the Bull Crappies alarm on that statement. You are willing to sacrifice your marriage and introduce instability to your kids because of where you live? Shouldn't the kids come first in any decision you make?

"I have no friends n a life." - That is fixable no matter where you live. There are things you can do regardless of location that will allow you to start making friends and having a life. It seems to me this path would be far less devastating to your family than you splitting with your husband.

Maybe there is more to this and your relationship with your husband that you haven't said.

Sorry can add we actually live in Singapore n his family are Chinese n I'm Australian so there is a lot of isolation for me there. I have done everything that he has wanted since we are together n he hasn't given up anything. Why is it me who has to give in every time?
The kids are under 4 yrs old n they are always stuck inside as we live in a small flat 6 stories up. They love being in Australia more than Singapore as they have freedom n space to play. How is that unstable?

[Cat1864]

I am not going to tell you to stay or go because ultimately it is up to you. With what little you have actually said, I think you need to sit down and write out the pros and cons.

Can you find a compromise? Find a place to live that you like better? See what you can do to become less isolated? Make friends in your building? Look to see if there are people from Australia who meet up regularly, etc.? Talk to him about a long range plan to work in Singapore for a couple of more years (saving for the move) and then move to Australia?

What is in Australia for him? Can he get a job that will support his family? Would he have to stay home while you worked?

What arrangements are you prepared to make for your children to see their father if you move to Australia and he doesn't?

Are you prepared to make arrangements for childcare while you work after you separate?

You talk about what you have given up so far, but what are you giving up if you go? Are you willing to divorce the man you love with all your heart and work out custody? Which country do you plan to divorce him in? Where in Australia do you plan to go? How is the job market and childcare there?

You have looked back but have you really looked forward past the focus of going back to Australia?

[talaniman]

I would feel isolated and alone in a foreign country with different cultures. That's so understandable, so far from family and friends. I would adapt, and make friends and his family would be yours. If indeed he has family near, and I wonder what stops you from taking your kids out on a regular basis?

Do you at least speak the language? Is this your first time away from home? How old are you two, and how do you get along with his family and friends? Are you oppressed or mistreated in any way? Maybe a vacation is needed instead of a divorce.

[Cass1978]

We live in a 3 bed room flat with his parents n they don't speak English so it's hard to communicate. I have tried making friends but the language barrier is a big one n Chinese is very hard to learn.

[talaniman]

I would imagine your kids are learning, maybe a class since you have baby sitters, or a vacation to clear your head before you make a life changing decision. Do his parents speak English?

I get you are unhappy, crowded into a small apartment with no social outlets, but it would seem his family would have other members your age to get closer to and expand your experience. I don't know, but he seems the sole support of his family, which is often the case with many cultures.

I mean only you can know if you love the guy enough to embrace his obligations and share in his opportunities for the long haul. Homesick and isolated or not. Those things can be fixed.

[Oliver2011]

Sorry can add we actually live in Singapore n his family are Chinese n I'm Australian so there is a lot of isolation for me there. I have done everything that he has wanted since we are together n he hasn't given up anything. Why is it me who has to give in every time?
The kids are under 4 yrs old n they are always stuck inside as we live in a small flat 6 stories up. They love being in Australia more than Singapore as they have freedom n space to play. How is that unstable?

I get that it's difficult being isolated in Singapore. What I am saying is that divorce is a drastic step and maybe there are some other things you can do that wouldn't impact your family like divorce would.

I just did 2 seconds of research on the subject (not claiming to be an expert). As of 2005 English is the 2nd most spoken language in Singapore. One third of the people speak English. 42% of the people were born outside of Singapore. At the Universities English is the most spoken language.

This tells me you aren't alone. It also tells me that there has to be English speaking clubs, churches, homes, athletic centers, etc. etc. etc. Maybe you should branch out more. Take some classes, join an exercise group, join a club, or do something that will allow you to meet people.