[RonDeRoma]

Hi. Here's my story. I started working at this prestigious, conservative company about 5 months ago and I'm gay but I'm not feminine and I'm not out at work. On the first day when they were introducing me my superiors I met this guy who literally took my breathe away. Our eyes locked and I nervously introduced myself. Since that day I can't not walk by his office and not look his way, sometimes our eyes lock and I look away. But I have this feeling that he's not indifferent about me. Sometimes he avoids me or I feel like he shies away but the other day we had a 10 minute conversation and when he looked into my eyes I could sense something, I just can't put a word on it. It was this deep, caring yet shy look. Today, I had to go into his office to add papers into a binder and he got very nervous even though I wasn't even looking at him. He nervously started moving his papers (and this a guy who walks calmly and is always very put together) he was nervously moving his feet (don't know if that's a habit). But, nonetheless, he's always nice to me. But here are the "symptoms". 1. Sometimes he avoids me. 2. I can tell he gets a little nervous around me like he's not himself 3. He's nice to me, today he told me if I ever needed anything from his office to get it without having to even ask him 4. He notices me. You know when a thousand people can walk and u won't notice them, he always notices me. And I'm a decent looking, slim built guy so I don't know what to do. Even if there's nothing that I can do, just the thought of knowing that he might like me would be comforting. Thanks for reading my lifestory loll.

[Oliver2011]

"But here are the "symptoms" - Really? Symptoms?

First of all I speak from experience. Let's review your symptoms.

"1. Sometimes he avoids me." You don't and can't know that. There could be 18,903.6 reasons he doesn't want to come around like he's busy or has nothing to say.

"2. I can tell he gets a little nervous around me like he's not himself" - You have been there 5 months. Do you really know him that well to know what not being himself is?

"3. He's nice to me" - Generally speaking people in the office, especially if they are newer, tend to be nice to everyone.

"4. He notices me." I am guessing he notices everyone in some form or another.

Now that I have dashed your hopes, here's the deal. You need to take this slow because you are walking on very thin ice. What you see as "symptoms" might only be "symptoms" because you are rationalizing them in your head as "symptoms". That is the first thing. Second - if you come on to him too strongly and he is straight, you could ruin a friendship and it might make things difficult at work for you and him. So take it slow. See if he wants to go out for a bite sometime after work, or to a sporting event, or something like that. But don't pressure the situation.

I told you I speak from experience. I met Adam at work in 2010. He was the most handsome guy I've known. I couldn't speak around him and got flustered every time he was around. He seem to me to be completely straight. But finally we started talking and doing stuff outside of work. And now we are together, have been for a year, and have lived together since January. So it can work, you just need to be real with what you are seeing as symptoms and you need to take it slow.

[RonDeRoma]

Oliver thank you so much for your thorough response. I was absolutely not intending to ever ask him for a drink or a bite or let alone share with him how I feel. I just cannot do that. I suppose you're right, he likes me because I want him to like me and I'm just not being rational. Just for a reference who asked who out first you or Adam? And is there a way to sort of know if he likes me or is interested in me at all?

[Oliver2011]

Oliver thank you so much for your thorough response. I was absolutely not intending to ever ask him for a drink or a bite or let alone share with him how I feel. I just cannot do that. I suppose you're right, he likes me because I want him to like me and I'm just not being rational. Just for a reference who asked who out first you or Adam? And is there a way to sort of know if he likes me or is interested in me at all?

Neither Adam or I asked each other out the very first time. I was singing in a band at a restaurant and he showed up. So we hung out afterwards.

"I suppose you're right, he likes me because I want him to like me and I'm just not being rational." That isn't what I said. You just need to be real with yourself in what you are seeing.

"I was absolutely not intending to ever ask him for a drink or a bite or let alone share with him how I feel." There's absolutely nothing wrong with any of that. What would be the harm in having a friend? Gay guys are allowed to have straight friends. And if he becomes a good enough friend maybe you could share your feelings.

Hopefully you have a couple of gay friends that you can talk to. If not I would suggest you find them. Gay friends can be friends and not boyfriends. They can help you figure stuff out and it is always good to talk through things.