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zolfa · Sep 25, 2013, 02:03 PM

I really love my girlfriend. I can say that I really had been in so many relations and, I never believe in love to be honest. We talk about marriage and I asked her to marry me and if she want to spend her rest of life with me and she say yes.

I told her that I want to have sex after we get marry but she say that she loves me and she don't care if we have it now, or later. But I know myself that, if I have sex with her I will lose that love because I really really really can't think of her as my wife and keep loving her if we have sex before marriage and she s a virgin and I want to make her my wife. I don't want to take from her her virginity if I'm not going to marry her.

What should I do?

Wondergirl · Sep 25, 2013, 02:12 PM

Why are you asking? It sounds like you have decided, and she is okay with your decision. You don't need anyone else's thoughts to confuse you.

Cat1864 · Sep 25, 2013, 02:30 PM

May I ask how old you are and how long you have been in this relationship? Are you concerned that she wants 'more' and isn't being truthful about her needs?

I get the impression that you are fighting with yourself over normal biological urges. You want 'more' but you want to stay true to your beliefs. Are you looking for ways to keep yourself from giving in to your libido?

Have you sat down together and made plans for the future beyond saying 'I want to marry you someday'? Have you set a date?

Homegirl 50 · Sep 25, 2013, 02:41 PM

If she says she does not care about waiting, what are you concerned about?
Also if you love her so much, how is having sex with her before marriage going to take that love away? Are you a virgin? How old are you?

zolfa · Sep 25, 2013, 02:42 PM

We are both 21 , we been talking for 6 months now
We were a really very best friends we talk all day
And last month I told her what I feel and she say she do
And she have little problems and I was there for her and she start to love me more
And she do love me so much
And I just don't know I feel very confuse now because at the same time I want to have sex with her but I feel if I did that I may stop loving her
I really don't know what to think now

joypulv · Sep 25, 2013, 02:51 PM

What culture, religion? Do you have similar backgrounds? Were you brought up to marry a virgin?
Millions of young people wait until marriage, and millions don't.
It's really all something you two need to talk about with each other in the context of your lives together, and when you might be married.
I see no reason to even worry about what you might 'think of her' if you have sex with her, because it's better if you don't, given your confusion.

On this site, we hear from too many young women who have sex with a loving boyfriend who turns into a totally different person afterwards, calling them dirty,whores, sluts... face your feelings if this is how you were taught. Tell her the truth, and wait.

Homegirl 50 · Sep 25, 2013, 03:00 PM

You're only 6 months into this relationship. Enjoy your time with each other, get to know each other and leave talk of sex and marriage alone for awhile. I still don't understand your concern if she feels the same .

talaniman · Sep 25, 2013, 03:27 PM

Nothing wrong with wanting to have sex, but as a human you can choose to wait as she has. Put away your confusion over normal natural feelings, and just always stay cool, calm, collected, and in control over yourselves and things will take their natural course with the guidance of you both.

Enjoy the engagement, honor your commitment, and be grateful for what you have and never take it for granted.