[Greycat710]

My friend has been married over 30 years and has endured much abuse from his wife and has the police reports to confirm it. Unfortunately, she has been diagnosed with BPD and is also on SSDI and no longer can work due to a car accident. She left to parts unknown for a few months and came back and tried to kill him.
He wants to get a divorce, but everyone is telling him he will get screwed. Why do the courts not care about spousal abuse in divorce cases when the one spouse has been the saint? The lawyers all say the court will give her 50% or more of everything and make him pay "equalization of wages" payments the rest of her life. All she gave him was grief that he kept to himself.
Can anyone recommend a good lawyer with some backbone that won't eat the rest of his living wages?

[joypulv]

Obviously for every spouse who declares sainthood there's another spouse who says not so. Courts deal with facts. That's why there are divorce lawyers, because facts take a holiday, there is a whole lot of arguing and he said/she said, and the two lawyers duke it out on paper so that the spouses don't kill each other.
I'm sure you know all this, but feel for your friend... and you all know he really is a saint and she really is ill. But he married her of his own free will, and that bears some responsibility. Her disability status isn't a factor before the court.

One suggestion is divorce mediation.

[Greycat710]

She did a no show at the mediation, so he had to pay for it.
She basically does not want a divorce-just wants him to pay her for the rest of her life.
I just don't understand why the "good guy" in the situation who has stood by her for all this time gets screwed. He is the one who was physically abused by Her.
I think if she gets the house that should be the end of it. Period.

[N0help4u]

What she wants, she can't have her cake and eat it too. If she 'wants paid the rest of her life' she should agree to the divorce. Whose name is the house in? Can he prove that she didn't contribute much to the household? There are things he needs to point out that maybe will go in his favor that she would not get half of everything. Like what was his prior to the marriage?
The marital assets she may get half of. She hasn't won until it is all hashed out.

[cdad]

Where is this happening at as in some States there are laws on the books that can affect divorce when there has been domestic violence.

[joypulv]

cdad - WA.

[Greycat710]

They were married at 19. There is not much that is not community property.
She got in the house while he was at work and did about 30k worth of damage so the house is devalued.
He just does not want her to get more than 50% of everything.