[geohat]

I have a newborn daughter with the same mom I have primary custody of our 3 year old girl. Mom will not allow long visits and is not accommodating to any requests for bonding time. Yet, she is asking for additional time with our 3 year old stating the importance of the bonding time that our 3 year old girl needs with her newborn sister together as their family. She will not allow my son and I bonding time with the newborn. My son who is 16 is uncomfortable around her and would prefer to visit when the mom (not his) is not around.

I obviously was able to prove the mom was unfit with our 3 year old daughter as the courts placed custody with me when she was just 6 weeks old. She always complained of the inability to breastfeed and our daughter was on formula within 3 weeks. I think she should try to use the breast pump so we have stored milk to use for longer visits if she is truly breast feeding. The mother was on temporary supervised visits which were removed 3 months later to weekend visitations. The mom relocated over 200 miles away and our child was subjected to the continuous back and fourth, week in and week out.

We tried unsuccessfully to rekindle our relationship during the holidays last year and talked of relocating to a different state. It didn't work out, obviously.

I moved over 250 miles to be closer and actively involved with our girl. I was able to find a great job and a house. My son and daughter were not in favor of the relocation but understood it was best for family. Within a week of notifying her, she decided to move another 90 miles away to maintain the distance outside our current custody agreement with our 3 year old. I suggested I would relocate yet again if needed so we can have shared custody. Please keep in mind this is her 12residence change in 3 years and that's my reluctance to move yet again.

She has 5 kids now with 4 dads, her eldest son no longer has anything to do with her yet she raised him for 14 years and lost custody to the father 18 months ago. She doesn't work, says she is disabled yet doesn't want to accept any care packages with daily necessities for our girl. She says she can take care of her kids just fine. I think her attempt is solely for cash yet she doesn't pay child support for our 3 year old. She gets over $1300 a month from her two other children and was getting over $1800 just in child support before she lost custody of her eldest son. She has no stable work history. I am paying daycare and could not possibly afford her monthly demand and I make just enough to survive yet too much for any help. How is this fair?

My question is how long should I wait before I get the courts involved? What is the typical visitation arrangement for the fathers of a newborn? How long before I seek shared or primary care? I hear so much of moms ability for bonding time yet the fathers don't have the rights to bond? Help in California.

[smoothy]

I'd get a hold of your lawyer now...

[N0help4u]

You need to file for joint custody on both right now. Then she will have to follow the court order rather than playing ennie, meenie, miney, moe about when she will let you see the baby.

[ScottGem]

You've already waited too long. However, the fact that you had sex with this woman even after you knew her to be an unfit parent might work against you in court.

[geohat]

I already have primary custody awarded of our 3 year old daughter with her time only on the weekends.

You say I waited to long but the courts won't allow any custody cases until the child is born. She was born within the past week.

That unfit parent syndrome occurs to men all the time to which women go back to them. I only gave us a shot based upon the information she gave, which I admit was a very stupid mistake but this was through her church program. She was adamant after a year of counseling she went through, she was a better person and I saved all the emails regarding this. This was why we agreed to try, I even paid for the counseling services.

Any suggestions?

[geohat]

You need to file for joint custody on both right now. Then she will have to follow the court order rather than playing ennie, meenie, miney, moe about when she will let you see the baby.

That's my concern. I already have a open child custody case with our older daughter in a completely different county some 300+ miles away. Can we merge the cases together since it's the same parents involved with another child being added?

[ScottGem]

Ok, that much a new born. If its only been a week, it would be hard to make a case that she is not allowing visitation. Newborns don't visit much. They basically do little more than eat and sleep.

So I would not take her to court that she is not allowing visitation so soon. I would, however, establish joint legal custody with primary physical custody and visitation to be determined after a reasonable period (3-6 months).

Also I don't think you will get the cases combined, even though they are the same parents, they aren't the same children. But it doesn't hurt to ask.

[geohat]

Ok, that much a new born. If its only been a week, it would be hard to make a case that she is not allowing visitation. Newborns don't visit much. They basically do little more than eat and sleep.

So I would not take her to court that she is not allowing visitation so soon. I would, however, establish joint legal custody with primary physical custody and visitation to be determined after a reasonable period of time (3-6 months).

Also I don't think you will get the cases combined, even though they are the same parents, they aren't the same children. But it doesn't hurt to ask.

Very great feedback!