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    rakuten's Avatar
    rakuten Posts: 9, Reputation: 1
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    #21

    Sep 13, 2013, 01:01 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Wondergirl View Post
    If you know she was sexually abused when you were both young, she will know you were too. Use that as a jumping off point for talking with her. Like Tal said, she is the one you need to go to -- as the abused person and as your dear sister who knows the whole story and who won't lie to you.
    WOW WOW, YES! That is it! Thanks a lot!
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 37,846, Reputation: 5428
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    #22

    Sep 13, 2013, 01:23 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by rakuten View Post
    WOW WOW, YES! that is it!! thanks a lot!
    And Indian children are taught to respect and honor their parents, especially their fathers, so if their fathers do something that makes them uncomfortable, they immediately tell themselves, "Hey, it's my FATHER. He would not hurt me. He loves me," and so they accept it and go along with it and then it becomes a habit, a normal thing.
    N0help4u's Avatar
    N0help4u Posts: 19,825, Reputation: 2035
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    #23

    Sep 13, 2013, 02:55 PM
    How would she know her brother was sexually abused too? Some men will only do that with daughters rather than both sexes.
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 37,846, Reputation: 5428
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    #24

    Sep 13, 2013, 02:57 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by N0help4u View Post
    How would she know her brother was sexually abused too? Some men will only do that with daughters rather than both sexes.
    And how did he know she was? The two shared a room or even a bed? They told each other?

    He said his dad abused him (and her).
    N0help4u's Avatar
    N0help4u Posts: 19,825, Reputation: 2035
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    #25

    Sep 13, 2013, 03:04 PM
    He said he has seen him do inappropriate things. Maybe he was in the kitchen and noticed him in the living room. He talks like his sister is not aware he knows. Also him being 4 years older, many pedophile types have an age cut off and move from the older to the younger.
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 37,846, Reputation: 5428
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    #26

    Sep 13, 2013, 03:05 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by N0help4u View Post
    He said he has seen him do inappropriate things. Maybe he was in the kitchen and noticed him in the living room. He talks like his sister is not aware he knows. Also him being 4 years older, many pedophile types have an age cut off and move from the older to the younger.
    He said earlier -- "When im just outta bed in a very sleepy state he used to stoke my hard on, and the same with my sister, he touched her between her legs when she was in deep sleep. This is when we were young. Now it's like he does crazy unthinkable stuff !"
    N0help4u's Avatar
    N0help4u Posts: 19,825, Reputation: 2035
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    #27

    Sep 13, 2013, 03:45 PM
    Oh, I missed that reply. I still say he needs to talk with his sister and then confront dad.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,087, Reputation: 10852
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    #28

    Sep 13, 2013, 03:49 PM
    Son, if you were abused, and now your sister, there is little choice but to find the courage to talk with your sister and share your story. There seems to be much to share.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,303, Reputation: 7691
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    #29

    Sep 14, 2013, 07:58 AM
    If you know it is happening to your sister, and you do nothing, it is as bad as being part of it. Sorry but you have a moral obligatoin to protect your sister even if you have to cause conflict.
    Aurora_Bell's Avatar
    Aurora_Bell Posts: 4,193, Reputation: 822
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    #30

    Sep 18, 2013, 08:07 AM
    I hope the OP comes back to update us. I agree with most of the posts here, I urge you to confront your father, or go to some sort of authority. If your mother is the "man" of the house, go to her! Go to an aunt, and uncle a cousin, your grandparents... ANYONE! Please tell someone and have this stopped. Sexual abuse ruins a child's life!
    Avalinelily's Avatar
    Avalinelily Posts: 6, Reputation: 2
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    #31

    Oct 8, 2013, 01:07 PM
    Sorry, but saying that you're 'not the type of person who discusses things' is a poor excuse. You can't just sit there and let it happen because you're the quiet type. Of course she isn't complaining-- she's probably traumatized! No one who goes through something like that 'complains' about it. You need to take her aside and talk to her, because I highly doubt she is comfortable with what your father is doing.
    dontknownuthin's Avatar
    dontknownuthin Posts: 2,910, Reputation: 751
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    #32

    Oct 21, 2013, 06:15 AM
    Nobody "accidentally" shows their penis, first of all. I'm almost 50 and have never seen my dad naked. He hasn't seen me naked since I was a baby. This is not normal, and you were raised with discomfort talking about these things for a reason. Your father us a sexual predator - your mother is willing to live with this predator whether she sees no way out, is afraid of shaming the family with divorce, financial dependence, or perhaps she is afraid if him. Your sister is not OK with this. She just doesn't know what to do,

    I think you should take her away from the house to talk privately. Tell her "I know what Dad is doing. I want to help you." Look into options first. Is there a shelter you can take her to? Could she move out of the house? Will a church help her? She needs to get out.

    When you marry and have kids, do not allow your parents to be alone with them. Ever. Mom may not be an abuser but she is complicit in the abuse, which is just as dangerous. Yes, break the silence. The silence is dangerous. Your sister needs to hear her brother say, " you are too good to be disrespected and violated this way. It's wrong and I will start protecting you". In your culture, I think an older brother could do a lot to make up for a bad father.

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