[gearsofwar3]

I met my girlfriend at work ,not the bar she works at, she has a regular job too, and we started dating . That's when I found out she tends bar too. After about 2 mo. She said I should come to her bar and meet some of the regular customers, one in particular, that she said is like a dad to her. So I did and when him and I were talking he says she's the best wench I know and everyone here loves her! Naturally I didn't like him calling her that and told him so. Now the other day she comes home saying I should be nicer to him and she's not quitting anytime soon so I should get used to it. She works thur. and everyother wkend and can barely make it to her regular job on fri. ans mon. anyway, I can't stand her working there even though she don't drink while working and I think she comes rite home after. I'm jealous of the bar itself taking time from our relationship. Am I wacked?

[Homegirl 50]

I'd have a problem with her not minding being called a wench, and saying you have to be nice to the guy.
How long have you dated this girl?

[Jake2008]

Yes, you really overstepped your bounds there.

I have worked in bars too, going through college, and there are always 'regulars', who are, for the most part, very nice patrons. Polite, and respectful. There were times where they had to intervene when other patrons got out of hand. I always enjoyed their company, and conversation otherwise, and that was it.

Your girlfriend- of two months was it?- probably has the same sort of relationship with this man in particular. That he called her a 'wench' is an endearment, or compliment, and shouldn't be taken any other way. Especially by you, who barely know your girlfriend, let alone her favourite patrons. You insulted both of them.

Jealousy so early, without cause particularly, is not a good sign for the future. Realize now that thinking you have special status, or some sort of authority to protect her, or control when she gets home for example, or who she sees, or who her friends are- male or female- or question anything to do with her own independence and life, is not something you are 'entitled' to, simply because you are her boyfriend. Or husband, or brother, or father.

She is an adult, and controls her own life, just as you do. As the relationship proceeds, she may resent your comments, and questions that you feel insecure enough to ask in the first place. Being needy in that way, is the death of a relationship, because jealousy can take on a life of its own.

[ScottGem]

First, while the word wench can have a negative connotation, it just means a working girl, usually a serving girl. So referring to a female bartender as a wench may have just been that person's way and he didn't mean anything negative about it.

So I agree, you overstepped the bounds here. Especially after dating her for such a short time. I would apologize and back off.

[smearcase]

3 definitions from Urban Dictionary:

"wench:
1. a dirty pirate hooker

2. A voluptuous female pirate type woman, usually with a firey attitude, and usually seen around taverns and bars, seaside fishing towns, and wherever pirates roam.

3. a beautiful woman who engages particularly in duties concerning domestic affairs, kitchen cleaning, or ale serving
the object of a pirate's affection usually found in sea faring ports, in the back of the kitchen scrubbing pots, passed out under a pirate ship's deck, or tending to the wash. "

Depends on what type lady you rrrrrrrrrrr looking for.

If the guy was just talking about "a beautiful woman who engages particularly in duties concerning domestic affairs, kitchen cleaning, or ale serving " it's not so bad in the atmosphere in which it was said.
I don't think you are wacked (nor her) but I think that you might not be compatible with this lady.

[N0help4u]

I agree with Jake that you can't overstep. Some people don't mind being called derogatory terms as long as they know its meant in n appreciative sense. You either learn to deal with it or tell her you need to move on.

[joypulv]

It is a rare human being who doesn't get jealous. But there's a big leap between wishing she had more time for you and feeling that you have a 'right' to anything at all. You aren't married; there's no children; you aren't even living together.

She probably makes more in one night bartending than she does in 3 days at her regular job. Plus, it's a good job, almost recession proof, and the learning is ongoing as new drinks come out and laws change. You want more time with her? You going to pay her salary and tips? Does she chip in on dates, restaurants, events, movies with you? You can't have it both ways. It's beside the point anyway.

In a healthy relationship, you let the negative thoughts out as nicely and maybe even jokingly was possible. Wench? My image is a voluptuous woman in an off the shoulder blouse and 5 pints in each hand. Harmless as can be. Typical pub word in Great Britain, or someplace where a guy wants to sound pubbish. If you can't take that, goodness, your future is bleak.
Lighten up, and learn that you don't own anyone. Speak your thought once, talk it out, then take it or leave it.
If you are married with children, you talk it out, and talk it out some more. Then some more. But ultimately it's the same. Thousands of years of men controlling women are over.