[Sparksy]

I recently got pulled over in my brothers car and there was a little pipe in the car and the cop gave me a ticket for unlawful possession of marihuana, ruined my whole summer and they even put the story in the paper with my name and everything. I have been talking to this girl for a while now and we haven't really made anything official but now that her parents saw the newspaper, she is not allowed to see me, talk to me or do anything for the rest of the summer until I leave for college. I have never felt so bad or depressed and I don't know how I'm going to last at college 4 hours away from her. We were planning on making it work through college because she can visit and everything but now her parents definitely won't let it happen. Everyone has told me just end it and stop talking to her, even she herself said " maybe it's best we just end this" but I can't... I like her way too much and I couldn't imagine not being able to be with her. Her dad is an ex cop and doesn't even want to hear my side of the story, when I am completely innocent, I would give up going to college for this girl and I don't know what to do. Please help

[N0help4u]

It may not be so much they think of you as a bad influence but that in their minds they think "what if.....what if our daughter had been in the car?"... what if something like that happens again?" All you can do is clear your name as good as you can like if your brother will admit its his pipe. If you are clean you can ask for some random drug tests. Go to college, work hard and hope for the best. Sometimes only time can heal things.

[Jake2008]

There are a few things you can do.

One is respect the parents' wishes, and do not make any contact with their daughter.

But, what you might think about doing is:

1. Send her father a letter- hand written, with a clear and honest explanation of what happened that night.

Include the police report which will say what they found and what you were charged and convicted of, but make a note that the police did not (or couldn't possibly have) determined that the pipe belonged to your brother.

2. I assume that your parents too, are aware of all that has happened, because it was in the paper. If they believe that you were guilty of nothing, enlist their help in contacting the father, and telling him that you are not guilty, it was not your pipe.

3. If you are active in sports teams, enlist the help of a coach who knows you that can vouch for your integrity and honesty. Maybe there is someone else- a professor, a pastor, a family friend- also maybe a cop, or a locally known person.

4. I would follow up the letter if you do not hear from him (provide your email and phone numbers), and tell him that you assume he is holding fast to a lie that has permanently changed your opinion of HIM. Considering he is a cop, you would have hoped that he would have had some understanding or experience in how these situations have affected other innocent people.

When you are accused of doing something illegal and criminal in most places, focus on clearing your name. This whole thing could affect you in ways yet unknown.

Tell your brother you expect him to at least admit to the fact that it was his pipe, in his car, and address that to her father as well.

You might consider speaking to an attorney about the possible legal consequences of the conviction as well. I don't know if this ticket was paid by you, thus the equivalent of saying you are guilty, or if it will require or has required a court appearance, and/or if this will appear in any record that an employer might access for employment.

One thing is for sure, I wouldn't let things stand as they are if it were me.