[rosa75]

I am a 38 year old female, in this relationship for the past 15 years and I don't think I can take this situation any more.

He's never really helped around the house. But recently I took up a new job that makes me travel 4 days per week internationally only to come back to a dirty house, empty fridge and him waiting for me to feed him.

We talked many times about me needing his help but nothing ever changes. He never offers to help and helps only 5 minutes when I ask for help. Today I tried talking to him about this again and he told me that he is tired and bored of my nagging him about this constantly and about my being selfish.

To add to this we really have no sex life and he does not ever desire me although I am a slim and good looking woman.

He does not share my interests for travel and sports and other fun.

I am frustrated and after trying for 15 years I have come to a conclusion that it will just never work. I feel too lonely. The only things that work between us is that we talk a lot about other things except our life and he takes me out sometimes when I ask

Is there anything else for me left to do? I really can't seem to be able to make him understand.

[teacherjenn4]

So, why are you still together?

[rosa75]

Because I still care about him and want to know if I can still turn it around

[teacherjenn4]

Because i still care about him and want to know if i can still turn it around

Counseling might be the only way to save this relationship, and a cleaning person.

[tickle]

Counseling might be the only way to save this relationship, and a cleaning person.

A live in maid for cleaning and cooking.

[Jake2008]

Do you have children together? Does he also have a job?

It almost seems, by the way you describe things when you get home, that maybe he's showing you he's not happy with you away from home so much on a new job.

Just wondering if he's worse than he was.

Did he ever help out?

If you can possibly afford to, why not think about what Tickle said, hire a cleaning lady. Even that much without the live-in part, would be an enormous help to you.

I would consider making a stronger point with him, by saying that you have arranged counseling for the two of you, once a week, starting on such and such a date. Even with the help of a cleaning lady, it seems there are more problems that need to be addressed.

I wouldn't give up without covering those bases though. If, after counseling and changes with household help, things do not change, then the end may be realistically in sight.

[Hopeful54]

"We talked many times about me needing his help But nothing ever changes. He never offers to help and helps only 5 minutes when i ask for help. Today i tried talking to him about this again and he told me that he is tired and bored of my nagging him about this constantly and about my being selfish."
He is not listening to your needs obviously. It can be overwhelming to return home to a mess and empty fridge. Would it be possible to stock up on things before you leave? Would you be able to go out for dinner the night you return home from travel? Was your sex life normal before the new job or has it always been like this?
You don't want a man that doesn't add to the relationship. Only you can decide if the relationship has more pros than cons.

[N0help4u]

Sounds like a free loading mooch. He really may be staying for the convenience.Like how does he treat you as far as your relationship ? Like you're a piece of furniture, the maid, roommate or does he really show you any love and attention?

[rosa75]

Thanks to all for all the help
He is often very sweet and cuddling
I know he misses me when I am not around. I am starting to think he might have health issues. So I need to convince him to go to get bloodwork done. I am thinking low testosterone or hypothyroidism since he suffers from fatigue for the past 2 years

[joypulv]

Some men don't want a lover, soulmate, and helpmeet, they want a mother.
You are the only one who knows what he wants (or can find out), and then you have to either accept him the way he is or leave.
Hiring a housekeeper who also shops and cooks somewhat might help part of this, but not all. Is that enough for YOU?
You two need an actual sit down to discuss the future and what it all means after 15 years.

[talaniman]

Changed situations and just getting older demand smart adjustments. He is who he is and now that you are the international traveler is he supposed to be the perfect house husband?

Resenting each other is the issue and I imagine you both have many more adjustments to make for each other and yourselves. Take care of your own mental fatigue and let him take care of his own. I would feel alone if I were gone all week too. But that doesn't allow you to come home and demand things be done for you or everyone drop what they do all week to accommodate your glorious return. Not good whether done passively, or aggressively. And how dare he not clean up and have things all sweet for your return.

If he can't pamper you, pamper yourself. AND enjoy it. He can fix his own meals since he does it all week. Get a hotel for the weekend and pamper each other. Let him go home to his own mess on Monday when you leave for work yet again. I see two ungrateful people who have forgotten what they have or how to please themselves and their partner, and put personal needs, before the needs of the relationship.

It doesn't have to be that way. Make the adjustments whatever it takes.