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forevermytc · Aug 10, 2013, 10:33 PM

Im 16 and he's 25. At first we didn't get along but now we are close. He has spent more than 100$ on me to attend a class he teaches.(he offered) And we email each other almost daily. We trade secrets and he asks me about my life. One time he went on a teacher conference in Los Angeles and everyday he was gone he sent me at least one email. I remember one day while he was gone he didn't write me until 3am! He seems honestly interested. He's single and I really like him. How do I know if he likes me? I worry that he's just a really sweet guy and only cares for me as a student... Please help me and don't judge. I would never do anything to risk his career.

joypulv · Aug 10, 2013, 10:46 PM

It doesn't matter if he likes you, or what - he isn't just risking his career, he's risking prison, having any involvement with you at all outside of class.
You need to cut him off, since it seems that he isn't seeing the danger he's in.

teacherjenn4 · Aug 10, 2013, 10:48 PM

You said it yourself, "I would never do anything to risk his career." Leave him alone. You're a teenager and he is a caring teacher. Do you have friends?

forevermytc · Aug 10, 2013, 10:49 PM

Originally Posted by joypulv

It doesn't matter if he likes you, or what - he isn't just risking his career, he's risking prison, having any involvement with you at all outside of class.
You need to cut him off, since it seems that he isn't seeing the danger he's in.

Well if he doesn't like me then he isn't risking anything. But I understand. How should I "cut him off"?

Originally Posted by teacherjenn4

You said it yourself, "I would never do anything to risk his career." Leave him alone. You're a teenager and he is a caring teacher. Do you have friends?

Yes I do have lots of friends actually, which is why I'm surprised he even notice me. And so your saying he doesn't like me more than any average teacher?

joypulv · Aug 10, 2013, 10:56 PM

We can't speak for him. He isn't here!
We can only address what you need to do, which is to tell him (next time he emails) that you won't be having any more contact with him outside of class. You are doing this FOR HIS SAKE. How he feels is not relevant.

teacherjenn4 · Aug 10, 2013, 10:57 PM

Originally Posted by forevermytc

Yes i do have lots of friends actually, which is why im surprised he even notice me. And so your saying he doesn't like me more than any average teacher?

No, he doesn't. Sometimes young teachers go a little overboard to make sure they do everything for their students. I think you should hang out with your friends and just forget him.

forevermytc · Aug 10, 2013, 11:01 PM

Originally Posted by joypulv

We can't speak for him. He isn't here!
We can only address what you need to do, which is to tell him (next time he emails) that you won't be having any more contact with him outside of class. You are doing this FOR HIS SAKE. How he feels is not relevant.

I know it's the right thing to do but its hard because of my feelings for him. Thank you for answering my question.

Originally Posted by teacherjenn4

No, he doesn't. Sometimes young teachers go a little overboard to make sure they do everything for their students. I think you should hang out with your friends and just forget him.

I understand what you are saying. And I have tried to just "forget" him as you say but. I have classes with him that he PAID for and it would be rude to drop out. Does that make sense? And it's not only that but he invites me to do things I don't ask him...

joypulv · Aug 10, 2013, 11:23 PM

No, it isn't rude to drop his classes. You didn't ask him to pay for them. You don't seem to be grasping the seriousness of this (understandable at 16). We would hope that at 25 he would be smarter about his career, but not all 25 year olds are as mature as others.
'Involvement' of an adult (anyone 18+) who is in a position of authority or trust (especially a teacher) with a minor will be treated extra harshly by law in most all if not all 50 states in the US. It doesn't matter whether it gets to the stage of actual sexual relations or not, although certainly sex would be a clincher. He is in TROUBLE if any adult decides to notify law enforcement.

teacherjenn4 · Aug 10, 2013, 11:24 PM

Originally Posted by forevermytc

I understand what you are saying. And i have tried to just "forget" him as you say but. I have classes with him that he PAID for and it would be rude to drop out. Does that make sense? And it's not only that but he invites me to do things i dont ask him...

If you want him to get out of your life, then drop out of the classes. Or, you ignore his emails and finish the classes.

forevermytc · Aug 10, 2013, 11:30 PM

Originally Posted by teacherjenn4

If you want him to get out of your life, then drop out of the classes. Or, you ignore his emails and finish the classes.

I don't want him out of my life I like him. And if he doesn't like me (as you said earlier) then I have no reason to avoid him. Thank you for answering my questions =)

Originally Posted by joypulv

No, it isn't rude to drop his classes. You didn't ask him to pay for them. You don't seem to be grasping the seriousness of this (understandable at 16). We would hope that at 25 he would be smarter about his career, but not all 25 year olds are as mature as others.
'Involvement' of an adult (anyone 18+) who is in a position of authority or trust (especially a teacher) with a minor will be treated extra harshly by law in most all if not all 50 states in the US. It doesn't matter whether it gets to the stage of actual sexual relations or not, although certainly sex would be a clincher. He is in TROUBLE if any adult decides to notify law enforcement.

Wait, so your saying he could already get in trouble just for being nice to me? (Nice jab with the 16 y/o thing)

I would like to have a relationship with a teacher as we all know is against the law. But I will wait until I'm graduated. He's invited me to go on a trip with him in 2016 when I will already be 1 year graduated. Should tell him my feeling before or after the trip?

talaniman · Aug 11, 2013, 06:33 AM

The thing about crushes on teachers is you keep it to yourself and don't cross the boundaries of good behavior which you have already done with the everyday texting, and secrets sharing.

He should know better, and so should you. Its entirely inappropriate and should stop immediately, and you should never have accepted his offer to pay for you taking his class. That was poor taste and a bad decision. Stop following your feelings and think. Would your parents approve if they knew all the detail of this crush? I doubt it and I doubt you tell them everything. But you should.

Until you do, you are both doing the WRONG thing.

Homegirl 50 · Aug 11, 2013, 07:13 AM

This teacher is being very inappropriate with you. Texting you while he is away and suggesting you go on a cruise with him in the future is wrong and just plain tacky.
You a 16 year old has fallen for this crap. You are flattered but you need to use your head. This man could lose his job and possibly go to jail.
Drop out of the class, stop accepting emails and text. Start talking to boys your own age. You are headed down the wrong road.

Wondergirl · Aug 11, 2013, 07:15 AM

Do any of the other students know he is doing these things with and for you?

forevermytc · Aug 11, 2013, 12:10 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Do any of the other students know he is doing these things with and for you?

No as most students dislike him as a teacher.

talaniman · Aug 11, 2013, 12:27 PM

I get you feel special, but it doesn't make it right. Don't be blind because you have a crush.

Wondergirl · Aug 11, 2013, 12:27 PM

Originally Posted by forevermytc

No as most students dislike him as a teacher.

Why?

forevermytc · Aug 11, 2013, 12:32 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Why?

He's very strict. And when a student does something wrong he always notices.

Originally Posted by talaniman

I get you feel special, but it doesn't make it right. Don't be blind because you have a crush.

I understand. But what if I want to have a relationship with him after I graduate? Is it wrong to keep my friendship with him? He teaches math so his classes are required.

Wondergirl · Aug 11, 2013, 12:40 PM

Originally Posted by forevermytc

He's very strict. And when a student does something wrong he always notices.

Um, that's what teachers are supposed to be like and do.

I agree with the others. You are jeopardizing this man's teaching career. He should have had an ethics class in college where he learned not to hang out like this with students on such a personal level. If he continues (and you don't stop it), and he gets caught, I don't feel sorry for him at all.

talaniman · Aug 11, 2013, 12:51 PM

Do your parents know he paid for this required class and trade secret by texts, and he does nice things for you? Of course they don't, and that makes the whole thing with an adult 9 years older than you grossly inappropriate.

forevermytc · Aug 11, 2013, 01:22 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Do your parents know he paid for this required class and trade secret by texts, and he does nice things for you? Of course they don't, and that makes the whole thing with an adult 9 years older than you grossly inappropriate.

My parents do know. The are 13 years apart and married. They tell me that if he does anything to make me at all uncomfortable to tell someone immediately. They think of him as my friend as do I.