[pishd]

We were doing fine, texting and calling and being silly. I am traveling in 3 days so he told me he was going to miss our early morning talks and he loves me.. at 8 pm. By 9 pm, he abruptly wants to break up with me because it was too stressful and he wants to focus on himself. Then he changed his number, got me blocked on Facebook by not only himself but by his entire family. Then I got a call from his mom telling me to back off and stop bothering him. I am so confused and heart broken.

[Cat1864]

He is the only person who could answer your question. We might be able to help you look for signs you might have missed. But we can't tell you what he is thinking.

Did he talk to you at 9:00 and tell you he was breaking up or did he text/email/etc.

Do you mind sharing more information such as how old you both are and how long have you been dating? Have there been any other rough times where he has talked about breaking up? Has his family approved of the relationship until then?

How is his family life? Do you know of any difficulties they might be having that could have caused him/them to make drastic changes very quickly? Being abrupt and not talking may be to keep you from asking questions they can't or don't want to answer.

What is the 'traveling' that you will be doing? Is it a short vacation or a longer trip?

In the time between both calls, could someone trying to cause trouble have said something to upset him?

Could there have been anything in the being silly that he could have thought over and gotten upset about?

The only advice I can give you is to try to let it go and allow yourself to be distracted by your travels. Immersing yourself in different places and learning new things while meeting new people can help keep you from focusing on him and the relationship/break up.

[JudyKayTee]

Were you texting/calling him excessively? Why is his family so involved in his personal life?

This sounds like a very abrupt turn around - did anything happen that you can think of that caused this reaction?

[joypulv]

Alarms went off when I saw 'traveling.' You breezed right over that, and we have not one clue how important that is, and you chose not to say - but want us to know what he is thinking.

[Homegirl 50]

This all sounds so abrupt. Sounds like there were some problems you didn't mention.
How long had you two been dating?
Does he have an ex wife or girlfriend that the family was close to that they dropped you on Facebook as well?
Sounds like this was short relationship.

[N0help4u]

I am traveling in 3 days so he told me he was going to miss our early morning talks and he loves me.. at 8 pm. By 9 pm, he abruptly wants to break up with me because it was too stressful and he wants to focus on himself.
---> Sounds pre planned to me. He probably couldn't handle the thought of long distance and wanted one last conversation to get up the nerve to tell you its over. Focus on self, find self, etc is the usual 'its not you its me' break up line. ''going to miss our early morning talks and he loves me.. '' sounds so abrupt and final... I say pre planned because you are 'traveling' especially if you just told him you were traveling like it was just dropped on him end of discussion type thing.

[JudyKayTee]

"nohelp," out of greenies - great advice, I like your thinking.

[Homegirl 50]

I agree he was probably pre planned, but I think depending on how long they were dating, he may have either had an ex wife is was seeing again (which is why the family says leave him alone) or he was cheating. Or maybe she is one of those people who text every second and want to know why it takes so long to respond, or call him and his family all the time. He was tired of the drama.
The traveling thing sounded to me like they both knew she was traveling and that wasn't an issue.

[N0help4u]

Yeah good point about why the family would say that other reason could be he bad mouthed her really bad to the family

[JudyKayTee]

On rereading, a couple of things -

"We were doing fine, texting and calling and being silly. I am traveling in 3 days so he told me he was going to miss our early morning talks and he loves me.. at 8 pm. By 9 pm, he abruptly wants to break up with me because it was too stressful and he wants to focus on himself. Then he changed his number, got me blocked on facebook by not only himself but by his entire family. Then i got a call from his mom telling me to back off and stop bothering him. I am so confused and heart broken."


She was traveling - vacation? At first I read this as work. Now I'm reading vacation.

Ages? It matters if someone is in school, trying to get good grades and the calls are excessive.

Texting and calling and being silly?

He will miss the early morning calls?

His entire family blocked her from FB? Posting personal or "silly" info which offended them?

I think this is a case of not quite stalking in the eyes of the parents and, again, age is what matters. Is she 15, texting someone the same age incessantly?

[Homegirl 50]

The first thing I thought was they are young and she texts and calls him all the time and his family has been on him to do something about this.
I also thought they have not been dating that long and he has an ex wife or girl friend he has been seeing as well. Maybe she has been texting and calling a lot and questioning him and he's tired of lying,

[N0help4u]

Yeah, they may have gotten tired of too many disruptions all day.

[April5]

Now, I'm no expert. Heck, I've never even dated. But I can analyze people. Get your best girlfriend to talk to his best guy friend. Or, even better, do it yourself. Have whoever it is explain your side, then try to get his. I'm fairly sure, if his whole family knows about this, his friends will, too. We all know the power of the rumor mill.

Figure out if this was pre-planned, or if someone was spreading rumors. Did you specify when, where, and why you were travelling in advance? When did you tell him? Had he been annoyed, curt, unresponsive, angry, or at all irritated with you in the recent past? If you're at the "I love you" stage, this shouldn't be something he'll want to break off that easily. Try my idea, then let me know how it works out. Good luck!

[JudyKayTee]

I have dated and my advice is that involving other people in a "he said/she said" is a very bad idea - and a betrayal of a relationship.

I have a very specific issue with 13 year old posting "advice" on adult threads - from a 13 year old perspective I'm sure your advice makes sense. As an adult, I'm not so sure it does.

[Homegirl 50]

Now, I'm no expert. Heck, I've never even dated. But I can analyze people. Get your best girlfriend to talk to his best guy friend. Or, even better, do it yourself. Have whoever it is explain your side, then try to get his. I'm fairly sure, if his whole family knows about this, his friends will, too. We all know the power of the rumor mill.

Figure out if this was pre-planned, or if someone was spreading rumors. Did you specify when, where, and why you were travelling in advance? When did you tell him? Had he been annoyed, curt, unresponsive, angry, or at all irritated with you in the recent past? If you're at the "I love you" stage, this shouldn't be something he'll want to break off that easily. Try my idea, then let me know how it works out. Good luck!

It is never a good idea to involve friends and others in your relationship business.

[joypulv]

Involving friends IS very much a 13 year old thing. April, you are in the deep end of the pool here, especially after your OMG what do I wear on my first date post. Best to stay in the Teen category to give advice.

[Wondergirl]

Involving friends IS very much a 13 year old thing. April, you are in the deep end of the pool here, especially after your OMG what do I wear on my first date post. Best to stay in the Teen category to give advice.

... and planning to sneak around with a boy behind her parents' backs.

[JudyKayTee]

- and requesting help in sneaking behind their backs.