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Sara456 · Jul 26, 2013, 11:16 PM

I met this guy at my work place. Basically he's my co-work brother. One of our mutual friend suggested us as friends on Facebook and then we became friends. We start talking over what's app. We met, we had coffee, and then we went to the park, and there he try to kiss me. I refused him and then after two weeks we met again and we kissed. In one week I met him like 3 times in a row and conversation is flowing nicely but then he tries to get closer to me and we kissed again, but I don't want keep on kissing him. I want us to be in relationship and then have sex. I don't know how to tell him that I want a relationship and not just sex because I am scared he will say yes we can have a relationship and we have sex and then he leaves me I don't want that. I want a proper boyfriend with a serious relationship. Please help me.

joypulv · Jul 27, 2013, 05:42 AM

You have told him. You have made it clear. It isn't going to happen. Give up on him. Why do you think there is some new way to 'tell' him?

It isn't easy these days to have the kind of relationship you want (not sure what 'sacred' means). He sounds pretty much like most men - kissing and dating for a while, then they expect that you will hop into bed together, with marriage plans way off in the future, if any. I'm not judging one way or the other, just saying that's the way it is. Perhaps you can join a group of young people whose lives are more centered around religious values you share.

talaniman · Jul 27, 2013, 07:03 AM

Don't say anything, just keep dating, have fun and get to know his character, flaws, and his intentions. Then YOU will know if he is even worth dating, and is even relationship material. No hurry because its probably too soon for all this exclusive relationship stuff any way. Or to even throw the distraction of sex into the mix between you.

Pay attention be quiet and see if his words and actions match, and take your time. You have reason to be cautious and alert, not just to protect your heart, but because you have mutual friends in the same circle. While he may have potential, he has yet to prove he deserves your heart, or knows what to do with it. So why trust him with your body?

The challenge has always been to have your own pace for when you are comfortable and can discuss such things before you blunder into the unknown. It will come naturally in the course of things. Dating is but an experiment, with no commitment. If you fear he will just agree to your terms to get your body, then pay attention and find out what his term and intentions are.

Have a great time until you do. Isn't that the point of dating, to see if you can work together and agree how to keep it going? If you need a title or commitment to have sex, then don't have sex until you get it.

Sara456 · Jul 27, 2013, 09:21 AM

Thank you for you advice, but the things is like I don't understand like every time he's kissing me he's like he cannot control himself he even came just by kissing without me touching him I swear only by kissing is that normal, And yesterday even wanted to have it I refused and I told him it will not happen he was like I know it will happen? I want to know if he likes me as I am not really good at the dating stuff

talaniman · Jul 27, 2013, 09:40 AM

Don't trip over him wanting a kiss or kissing you, its just him, and it's just a kiss and meaningless for what YOU want ultimately.

The main thing in dating is knowing how to tell if words match actions and behavior and you have yet to have enough information to say one way, or another. An indication of the need for more facts about him.

Some people just like to kiss. I do :) it makes my lips feel good. And females taste good :D

Sara456 · Jul 29, 2013, 07:13 PM

I actually had a chat with him on Saturday I told him if he's looking for sex he ain't getting it. And he was like me to I am not like that you always get me wrong you never understand. So I went to his place fml he tried all night long and I refused him and it was cool and conversation was still flowing. I left his house early and before I left I told him we not meeting anymore and he said that's not nice for you to say that, but the thing is I always say that to him and the following day am witb him and after I left his till now he still didn't text me asking me if I got home all right, he didn't even bother. So I got my answer he was just after sex and he don't even actually care about me.. Most probably he got someone else pretty quick, I was actually wrong about him

joypulv · Jul 29, 2013, 08:20 PM

Maybe I'm old fashioned, but a woman doesn't invite a man to her place or go to his at night until she is ready to get intimate, or close to it. You go out in public. If the relationship is evolving, sure, you cook him dinner and send him home after 2 or 3 hours, and then he takes you out to dinner, and do that a few times, IF all is going well. If not - stay out of his apartment.

talaniman · Jul 29, 2013, 08:35 PM

This is where you stick to your word and not be wishy washy about it. If you have made a decision then abide by it. Like you say you have told him forget it before and likely he doesn't believe you now, and may even play the nice guy to get you to change your mind, yet again.

We guys seldom respect such females. I doubt he will either. No doubt he has other options beside you.

Sara456 · Jul 29, 2013, 08:36 PM

And it's just now he start sending me texts am just being normal, ending the conversation quicks

talaniman · Jul 29, 2013, 09:29 PM

Why are you even answering him at all? Block him.

Jake2008 · Jul 29, 2013, 11:38 PM

Don't doubt yourself! Instinct and good judgment were telling you that there was something wrong with this guy, and his intentions. And you were right.

He won't be the first- some guys are very patient- but in the end, it's the same result. The more you learn to read a person and situation, the wiser you will be, and the safer you will be as well.

Wait for the right one, that won't put pressure on you that is unwelcome and unwanted. Learn from this mistake, and keep your standards up there, and expect them to be met, and don't compromise your own standards.

There are boys/men out there who are, like you, looking for a solid relationship- stay strong.