[Helpme121212]

I don't want this to be too long so I will try to skim and weed through it. I married a woman and we have 3 children together. Over the course of our marriage the kids were removed from our home several different times. My mother took custody. I have always paid child support and my ex wife owes 14 grand. During the time my mom had custody I always seen my children, I got my life together, divorced her and have done everything to get custody of them back. Which I do have now. The children were taken from the ex for numerous reasons, she was found overdosed with my youngest child, my son was born with meth in his system. My ex has been in and out of prison and jail for the last 8 years for fraud and theft. She has seen the kids 3 times in the last 4 years. She doesn't call regularly and she fails her drug tests. Well just recently she filed disability for bi polar and now she has been approved. With the money she is taking me to court for custody. She has no car, she will be getting a check soon, she works under the table doing random things, and claims she has a place to live. She tells the children things that are very inappropriate regarding drugs, her having sexual intercourse for drugs and money to have money for them. There is not a dfacs case open and she has to petition court for it. What are her chances for full custody given everything I've shared and if anyone has any questions please ask. I have a lawyer on stand by if she does go for full custody just don't understand how the court would honor her petition given everything that has happened this far. She is also on probation for a DUI that she got 1 week after she got out of prison. Thanks in advance.
Sincerely a father in need of some advice.

[joypulv]

You don't say what you were like in those days, and it also isn't clear if the way she acts around the kids is past or present. The court will take the present into consideration. They don't want to deny either parent complete access. You do understand that shared custody arrangements are the most common ones? They can vary considerably, and can change as situations change. They aren't going to give her full custody.
But if she is getting her act together, they may feel that she deserves partial custody, or perhaps visitation at first. She may wait until the probation for the DUI is over. Feel free to hire that lawyer when she files if you wish.

[ScottGem]

Courts don't like to change the status quo. If you currently have custody and there is no issue with your custody, then they are unlikely to change it. She may get supervised visitation though.

[N0help4u]

She us wasting her money. They will have her taking drug tests, possibly classes, and she will have to let the social workers visit her place of residence. Like Joy said at most {probably the first year} she would be lucky to get limited vistation

[JudyKayTee]

Can she clean up her act, prove it, do whatever the Court directs and at some time perhaps get JOINT custody - I would say yes. Is that going to happen any time soon? I would say no.


The history is important, of course, but what she's doing now is what counts. The Court obviously gave you a second chance. That's what she's looking for.

Support and custody/visitation are unrelated.

[Helpme121212]

Well back then I wasn't the best person either. But I was never found sonewhere overdosed with ny kids there not once but twice that happened. I was at work otr truck driver when that happened. Next tine they were taken away I was at work an my two year old son walked down the toad and a neighbor picked him up and called cps. We fought constantly. I don't even know if my youngest two children are mine but I'm all they know so I don't want a DNA test its on the custody papers that I am the legal father. Her today? She threatens my wife to shoot her while she's sleeping. Calls the cops to my mother in laws house so much to where the police have told her no and they will lock her up if she calls again. Me and my wife already have a restraining order on her as is. Visitation I don't mind as long as they are supervised at a facility because of her mental state. She tells the children to act bad so that they can come live with her because we (my wife and I) will get tired of them. She has not seen them since December 16th 2010. The youngest is 6 years old and don't even know who she is. She calls her by her first name. She still does drugs. She lets every guy in town move in with her. She tells my children they have a new daddy all the time. She is absolutely in no state of mind to care for them. She tells the kids stories that aren't even true and that. 10 year old shouldn't even have in his kind. About sex, my wife is a home wrecker and a whore, she has monitored phone calls when I even allow them because of the stuff she says.

[Helpme121212]

Other things I forgot to add. She just got out of jail in march for violating her probation. She is taking prescription Xanax that she has already been in rehab for on 5 different occasions. She wrote me once beforetellin me she was coming after the kids for custody so she can get my child support. My youngest two kids don't want to see her nor talk to her because they are scared she is going to take them from what they have known since 2007 and that's not her. My middle son is absolutely terrified of her.

[joypulv]

Sounds like you don't have much to worry about.
Sorry about what you and the kids are going through.
Give them a big hug from me.

[Helpme121212]

Another thing what if they don't want to go do I have to make them go to visitation?

[JudyKayTee]

In NY, at least, yes, you have to make then go. If you do not you are presumed to have influenced the children against their father.

[Helpme121212]

Well this is a mother. Not a father and the middle refuses to have contact an we have tried a couple years back for Christmas an over night stay and him and another child had to come home they were hyperventilating screaming to come home.

[N0help4u]

Like we said she has too much going against her, if the social workers want to give her a chance you can ask for CPS supervised visits so that they can document the kids and her interactions.

[JudyKayTee]

"Well this is a mother. Not a father and the middle refuses to have contact an we have tried a couple years back for Christmas an over night stay and him and another child had to come home they were hyperventilating screaming to come home."

I apologize - mother/father doesn't change my (experienced) legal opinion. If you do not want to comply with the current Court Order go back to Court and get it changed by providing PROOF that the mother is a danger - mentally, physically - to the children. Ask that they be evaluated by a professional and ask that someone to protect their interest(s) be appointed - a guardian ad litem (GAL).

The Court does not know the difference between a mother and father poisoning the minds of the children. As I said - I apologize for the error but it does not change the rules.

The Court does not discriminate.

[Helpme121212]

There isn't a current court order with her involved which I stated in my first post. It's under my discretion whether they visit her or talk to her at all. That is the court order. I was asking about her filing for full custody and I asked about supervised visitation. I have all the rights. She isn't even allowed to know the address of the children nor myself for reasons of things she's done in the past to my property and we have a stalking order against her. I was just asking for some advice outside of my own family and friends and I came across this website and decided to put my own situation. I am not poisoning my children.

[Helpme121212]

Also JudyKayTee there isn't a court order that I have to follow regarding her. I don't have to take her to court for anything. She wasn't even involved when I took custody of my children because she has had rights removed since 2007. Now she is going back. She has been evaluated court order of my divorce. She was labeled unstable. Border line personality disorder and diagnosed by doctors for severe bi polar disorder. Thanks all for your advice.

[Helpme121212]

"Well this is a mother. Not a father and the middle refuses to have contact an we have tried a couple years back for Christmas an over night stay and him and another child had to come home they were hyperventilating screaming to come home."

I apologize - mother/father doesn't change my (experienced) legal opinion. If you do not want to comply with the current Court Order go back to Court and get it changed by providing PROOF that the mother is a danger - mentally, physically - to the children. Ask that they be evaluated by a professional and ask that someone to protect their interest(s) be appointed - a guardian ad litem (GAL).

The Court does not know the difference between a mother and father poisoning the minds of the children. As I said - I apologize for the error but it does not change the rules.

The Court does not discriminate.

Below

[N0help4u]

You asked if there is a chance of her getting custody. Once she takes you to court you have to deal with any modifications or changes of whatever kind. You say she isn't even allowed to know the address so I think that says it all. She spends her money on court, they see her past history, at most she might get supervised visits at some neutral location with the GAL -many supervised visits happen at McDonald's, a park, etc... I really don't think you have anything to worry about. Like we have said before, if she spends her money to get them back in her life its going to be ongoing court costs that she isn't going to be able to afford, classes, drug tests, evaluation of her current lifestyle and mental health, housing, income, etc... It could take a year or more before she could get them for an overnight and that would be only after her spending all the court costs, going through all the things the Judge says she has to do to get them back in her life.

[ScottGem]

As I said initially, I doubt if the courts will change the status quo.