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jleigh7326 · Mar 25, 2007, 09:55 PM

My sister and her husband are having dilemma. She has a child from a relationship before she got with her husband at some point. The daughter now loves her step dad more than her real father who is living with a woman now also. My sister is trying to stay very opened minded and has done great for the past 2 years. This past weekend the daughter came home from visit with her real dad. She tells here mom "i NEVER want to go to his house again". This has gotten my sister upstand is thinking that she may want to have the step dad adopt her change her last name no child support just leave them alone. The real father is and has been paying child support every week for the 2 years. She has said to me many time that she is fearful that something will happen to her child if he continues to get here. He only has her 48 hours a month and doesn't call to see how she is or anything.. Although he signed the birth crt. Is it possible that he could take her to court and file for partial custody or if it is a possible situation that the court would let the step dad adopt her? The parents were never married , the child is 4 and can't legally make her own choices. Any help is better than none Thanks

ericjenn03 · Mar 25, 2007, 11:30 PM

From personal experience and understanding the law as it was told to me, the father must sign away his rights for another man to adopt the child. Until that time comes, the mother legally has to make sure the visits continue, otherwise she will be held in contempt, which could mean jail time, suspension of license, and attorney's fees. If she feels some abuse or neglect is going on, she can ask for an investigation.
I am not clear as to who currently has custody, and if it was given by a court. You have to have a ruling from a court to declare sole or joint custody. If there has been no court ruling, then both parents have a right to the child, and have "custody". If this is the case, I would advise your sister to take action immediately. (Better to have everything in writing then flying by the seat of your pants. Otherwise he could take the child and it would not be considered kidnapping.)

Most of the time, if abuse is not proven, the judge usually rules that both parties share custody with the mother being the primary residence of the child. A visitation schedule will be made, and child support calculated. It will be hard to prove that he is not fit unless there is something that you have not told us. A mothers fear is not enough to convince a judge that a father is unexceptable to care for his daughter.

I hope this helps, Jennifer

ScottGem · Mar 26, 2007, 06:42 AM

As Jennifer said, the bio father would have to relinquish his rights to allow your husband to adopt. However, since this would also mean your husband would take over financial responsibility allowing the bio father to stop child support, he might agree to it.

However, your daughter doesn't have a say in the matter. If the bio father wants to exercise his visitation and custodial rights, then she has to go along. The only way to stop them is to go to court and convince a judge why they should be stopped.