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    LoveStoned's Avatar
    LoveStoned Posts: 150, Reputation: 10
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    #1

    Jul 16, 2013, 07:16 AM
    Boyfriend needs a place to stay and wants to move in.
    My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for almost a year now. Even though its been a year I still think we have taken things to fast. He has a little girl who I have taken care for after basically agreeing to being his girlfriend from day one. We argue over the smallest issues and I don't think I'm ready to live together because of this. He has no where to go and now I'm being put under pressure. Im still debating whether this relationship will work or not. AND his dad is now living with him temporarily to leave whenever he pleases back to his country. So Ill be living with my boyfriend, his daughter and his dad. And Im over here trying to finish school and make a future. I feel like a bad person by ending this whole thing. What should I do?
    N0help4u's Avatar
    N0help4u Posts: 19,823, Reputation: 2035
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    #2

    Jul 16, 2013, 07:25 AM
    He has nowhere to go --why? No money? It only gets worse. When someone moves in because they have nowhere to go you generally end up with nothing more than a freeloader. Even if It wasn't meant to be that way
    teacherjenn4's Avatar
    teacherjenn4 Posts: 4,005, Reputation: 468
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    #3

    Jul 16, 2013, 07:30 AM
    Finish school and make a future for yourself. Having a boyfriend, his daughter, and his father living with you can put an end to those dreams. Remember, you are not responsible for them. If you do this for him, you'll look back at it years later with regret.
    LoveStoned's Avatar
    LoveStoned Posts: 150, Reputation: 10
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    #4

    Jul 16, 2013, 07:30 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by N0help4u View Post
    He has nowhere to go --why? No money? It only gets worse. When someone moves in because they have nowhere to go you generally end up with nothing more than a freeloader. Even if It wasnt meant to be that way
    He has no were to go. His family doesn't have enough space and he can't afford a place of his own. Now he is asking for my help. And that's just how I feel. "It just keeps getting worse." He's not a bad guy and does do very sweet gestures.
    Breaking up is always ugly. At the same time this is way too much for me right now.
    teacherjenn4's Avatar
    teacherjenn4 Posts: 4,005, Reputation: 468
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    #5

    Jul 16, 2013, 07:38 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by LoveStoned View Post
    He has no were to go. His family doesn't have enough space and he can't afford a place of his own. Now he is asking for my help. And that's just how I feel. "It just keeps getting worse." He's not a bad guy and does do very sweet gestures.
    Breaking up is always ugly. At the same time this is way to much for me right now.
    He can go to social services and find a temporary shelter for people with children. He can be helped with job training, etc. This is not your burden to bear.
    LoveStoned's Avatar
    LoveStoned Posts: 150, Reputation: 10
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    #6

    Jul 16, 2013, 07:38 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by teacherjenn4 View Post
    Finish school and make a future for yourself. Having a boyfriend, his daughter, and his father living with you can put an end to those dreams. Remember, you are not responsible for them. If you do this for him, you'll look back at it years later with regret.
    Its going to come down to me having to break up with him and I feel just awful. I've talked to my family about it and they too think the relationship is too much.
    teacherjenn4's Avatar
    teacherjenn4 Posts: 4,005, Reputation: 468
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    #7

    Jul 16, 2013, 07:43 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by LoveStoned View Post
    Its going to come down to me having to break up with him and I feel just awful. I've talked to my family about it and they too think the relationship is too much.
    Your other posts say you are studying to be a nurse. That means you have compassion. It doesn't mean you allow yourself to be walked all over. Write down the number for him of a shelter or social services, hand it to him, and say goodbye. Break-ups are never easy, but you'll breathe a sigh of relief on this one later.
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,591, Reputation: 2941
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    #8

    Jul 16, 2013, 07:56 AM
    You came to this site with your answer basically written into how you wrote your question.
    I think you know that you plan to break up, but need validation.
    Breaking up is breaking up, whether nice or not. The one who is dumped is going to feel awful no matter what, and the more you linger over explanations to him the more painful it will be (despite what he might say).
    The daughter and dad merely multiply the problems.
    Don't try to give him reasons. Just tell him that you don't love him any more and nothing is going to change that. Then you don't have to argue about all the petty stuff.
    LoveStoned's Avatar
    LoveStoned Posts: 150, Reputation: 10
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    #9

    Jul 16, 2013, 07:59 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by teacherjenn4 View Post
    Your other posts say you are studying to be a nurse. That means you have compassion. It doesn't mean you allow yourself to be walked all over. Write down the number for him of a shelter or social services, hand it to him, and say goodbye. Break-ups are never easy, but you'll breathe a sigh of relief on this one later.
    Thank you for your advice :)
    teacherjenn4's Avatar
    teacherjenn4 Posts: 4,005, Reputation: 468
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    #10

    Jul 16, 2013, 08:00 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by LoveStoned View Post
    Thank you for your advice :)
    You're welcome :)
    briolette's Avatar
    briolette Posts: 22, Reputation: 7
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    #11

    Jul 16, 2013, 08:15 AM
    Trust your instincts and trust yourself. "Feelings" aren't right or wrong, they just are. There can only be trouble ahead when you discount you.
    N0help4u's Avatar
    N0help4u Posts: 19,823, Reputation: 2035
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    #12

    Jul 16, 2013, 08:29 AM
    You realize your relationship could be doomed either way. You say no and he gets miserable and dumps you. You tale them in, live with the drama until you can't take it any more and you dump him. You would not believe the thousands of people that allow boyfriends, friends or even family to stay for awhile, end up having to pay their living expenses and then can not get them to move out.
    briolette's Avatar
    briolette Posts: 22, Reputation: 7
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    #13

    Jul 16, 2013, 08:38 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by N0help4u View Post
    You realize your relationship could be doomed either way. You say no and he gets miserable and dumps you. You tale them in, live with the drama until you can't take it any more and you dump him. You would not believe the thousands of people that allow boyfriends, friends or even family to stay for awhile, end up having to pay their living expenses and then can not get them to move out.
    Not only that, some state laws provide that after a certain period time, you can't just put another occupant out, you have to go through the court system to have them evicted.
    N0help4u's Avatar
    N0help4u Posts: 19,823, Reputation: 2035
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    #14

    Jul 16, 2013, 08:50 AM
    Exactly and some actually get downright nasty when it comes to that.
    odinn7's Avatar
    odinn7 Posts: 7,691, Reputation: 1547
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    #15

    Jul 16, 2013, 11:28 AM
    It's actually quite telling... the fact that he thinks it shouldn't be a problem to just move him, his daughter, and his father in with you all at once. I bet if he gets in there, you will be the only one working.

    I understand how you might feel bad for breaking up with him or not letting him move in but honestly, this is not your problem. You say he has no place to go but why not? Does he even work?

    Don't burden yourself with this. It's a hard decision to make but you will be thankful if you choose right and you will be miserable if you don't.

    As was already stated, you know the right answer... you just wanted to hear it from someone else to help alleviate any guilty feelings.

    Do what you need to do. You're not a bad person for wanting to do this.
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