[Jiser]

teaching tale: the two wolves

Expression of emotion can be valuable, and a 'good cry' may make us feel better for a time, but we also have a neo-cortex which needs to manage and sometimes override emotional expression. A once popular tenet in psychotherapy was that 'negative emotions' should always be 'let out', 'expressed' and 'encouraged', so they could be 'dealt with'. Not only did this idea conflict with what science has to tell us about how emotions work, but it also conflicts with ancient wisdom. Consider the tale of the two wolves...

The Two Wolves

One day a young Native American boy fell out with his friend. He went to his grandfather and told him how very angry and upset he was. His grandfather listened quietly to the boy's outpourings, and then said: "Let me tell you about my wolves..."

After a pause, the ancient warrior continued: "I too, at times, have felt great hate for those who have taken so much, with no sorrow for what they do. But hate wears you down, and does not hurt your enemy. It's like taking poison and wishing your enemy would die. I have struggled with these feelings many times.

"It is as if there are two wolves inside me. One is good and does no harm. He lives in harmony with all around him and does not take offence when no offence was intended. He will only fight when it is right to do so, and in the right way.

"But the other wolf ... ah! The littlest thing will
send him into a fit of temper. He fights everyone, all the time, for no reason. He cannot think because his anger and hate are so great. It is helpless anger too, for his anger will change nothing.

"Sometimes it is hard to live with these two wolves inside me, for both of them try to dominate my spirit."

The boy looked intently into his grandfather's eyes and asked, "Which one is stronger? Which one wins, Grandfather?"

The ancient smiled and quietly said, "The one I feed."

[Geoffersonairplane]

This is a great tale about anger Jiser and really does give us an important message about emotions and how we should deal with them.

It was important for me when I was going through so many angry feelings about my ex to realise that it was me feeding the anger and not her. She did what she did but I was feeding the anger inside me. It is much better to let go of the anger and just feel...

If the one who wronged you saw how angry you were, would it make them guilty? Perhaps, a little but could it also help them feel relieved in the sense that perhaps they made the right decision because of the anger you hold? Is it a good personality trait to hold such anger in such a situation? Does it make you a better person to refrain from angry thoughts and instead accepting a situation and keeping your head held high and retaining your pride and self-worth in the process?

If this same person that wronged you were to see you do this, instead of holding onto the anger, surely their opinion of you would be greater than if they were to see you as someone who is driven by anger and resentment.

I think anger and resentment in situations like breaking up and being cheated on is inevitable in most cases as it is part of the natural grief process but there is a time and a place for it and also a time when you must let go of these feelings. For me, that came naturally and when I ever get a moment of anger inside me about my ex and how she hurt me, I just smile and remember the good times I shared with her and thanks God for the times I shared and the love I felt. I am grateful for that, the rest was just circumstantial.

Thanks for opening this thread Jiser, it really opened my mind!

[talaniman]

That's a great story, we do have a choice. Thanks for sharing.

[Geoffersonairplane]

Also I believe that forgiveness and having the ability to forgive shows great character and without letting go of anger, it is impossible to forgive.

You don't need to forget to forgive.

I Would hate to leave this earth holding resentment for those that wronged me but instead leave knowing that I lived a life where I was true to everyone and myself and again, be grateful for the experiences that I had, good and bad...