What do I do?

Hello1996 · Jun 23, 2013, 12:57 PM

Lately I have been feeling very down, tired and just not myself. My friends don't really understand because they all have problems of their own. I feel as if my problems aren't as severe as theirs. One of my friends lost her mother and her mother used to tell her right from wrong and she used to be my best friend. She is suffering from depression and is doing drug abuse with another one of my friends who was recently diagnosed with type 2 diabetes. We are all teenagers going through hard times. Since all of this was happening I've been feeling the need to kill myself. I have to stop myself from jumping in front of cars. I held a knife to my chest and pushed but stopped myself because I didn't want my friends to grave over my death... I have no one to tell my pains to. I asked one friend to take me to see a doctor and I told her what I felt but she told me it was normal and that every teen goes through it. She then started talking about her problems. Im the type of girl to listen to everyone pains and help but never share my own. All my friends come to me for advice but non of them actually care how I feel. People say I'm too nice and let people walk all over because the other day they got mad at me for not being able to get them alcohol. I can't just leave them as friends but if I stay the pain in my heart is unbearable. It feels like everything is collapsing and I cry EVERY NIGHT. I just don't know what to do any more. My anxiety is getting higher and its not helping the fact that I am depressed with no one to talk to. Help me.. My parents are going through a divorce and I don't want to bother or concern them and I have social anxiety so I can't see a counsellor because I am too shy to talk... I just feel like killing myself to take away the pain...

Wondergirl · Jun 23, 2013, 01:23 PM

I'm a counselor and am sorry to hear about your pain. Where is it coming from? The divorce? You seem to have friends so what is this "social anxiety"? Talk to me (us) and maybe that will help you open up.

joypulv · Jun 23, 2013, 01:32 PM

You were suffering when you first joined this site in Dec 2011... and I guess your parents divorce is dragging out.
Don't ask a friend to take you to a doctor - you have to ask a parent, and you need to make it very clear that you think about suicide a lot, even think about a plan. A therapist will want to know how concrete your plans are, vs thinking about death a lot, and vs thinking about suicide in a general sense.
You can't say you are too shy to talk, because a therapist KNOWS how to help you open up and talk. That's her job. Or his. You can ask for a woman if you wish.
So stop feeling sorry for your parents and tell them!

Hello1996 · Jun 23, 2013, 01:35 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

I'm a counselor and am sorry to hear about your pain. Where is it coming from? the divorce? You seem to have friends so what is this "social anxiety"? Talk to me (us) and maybe that will help you open up.

I do not know where this pain is coming from and I don't know. Every time I try to talk to someone it never helps. I already have a lot of pressure on me because I'm the only child out of three who is actually passing high school and not into drugs.

Wondergirl · Jun 23, 2013, 02:00 PM

Originally Posted by Hello1996

I do not know where this pain is coming from and i dont know. Every time i try to talk to someone it never helps. I already have a lot of pressure on me because im the only child out of three who is actually passing high school and not into drugs.

How much have you to talked to someone who is a professional? Your friends can't help with this sort of thing. Tell your mom you need to see a counselor.

If I could, I would meet with you and we would do just fine together. There are others like me out there. And you have to stick with it.

Wondergirl · Jun 23, 2013, 02:37 PM

You feel like this because you think you have no control over your life and your family's life. Actually, you do, and you need to speak up to one or both of your parents and tell them what is going on with you, divorce or no divorce. You're their child and they certainly have room in their hearts to help you, even if they can't seem to resolve their own problems.

Here is what I wrote to you over a year ago --

Your parents are divorcing. What is wrong with THEM??? They should be the ones who are sad and crying and wanting to cut themselves. But they're adults and in control and can do whatever they want to do.

You are sad and crying and want to cut because it's the only thing you can control right now--how you feel and how you react to this disaster. You can't control your parents. You can't make them love each other and stay together. You can't fix their marriage. You feel helpless.

Years ago, I had a young client, his parents' only child. His parents told him they wanted to divorce. He didn't want that to happen, so instead of being sad and crying and cutting himself, he instead got sick. He was sick enough that he had to go to the hospital. His parents were scared and worried about him and would stand by his bed hugging each other and holding hands. The boy smiled inside. Being sick was good! His parents had stopped fighting and were acting married again!

The boy got better and came home. Before long, the parents were fighting again and were talking about divorce again. Guess what happened. Yup--the boy got sick again and ended up in the hospital. As long as he was sick, he was in control, and the parents didn't fight or talk about divorce.

Fighting and divorcing parents don't realize what effect they have on their children and how helpless and unloved they make the kids feel. Have your parents been to counseling? This would be a good time that your family goes to family counseling. It might not save the marriage, but it will help a lot to give everyone a voice as to the pain being suffered and find out what supports there are.

It would even help you learn that your parents love you tremendously, even though they apparently can't live with each other. And you need to know that you are loved.

Tc123 · Jun 23, 2013, 09:23 PM

Hello "Hello". Don't you dare. Please don't go that route of trying to end your pain. The pain is probably temporary but if you do something, that is permanent!

I know, I know... it would end all of the pain and suffering. Think about all of the years ahead of you. Let's just say there is even a small window of NO PAIN and nothing but happiness. Wouldn't you want to experience that? I know that when you are down "in the hole" that it seems so helpless, it is unbearable at the time... but like the song goes... "The sun will come out tomorrooooowww"... And it will!! I will never tell someone that I know exactly how they feel because that is next to impossible if possible at all. But I will say that I have had experience with this. You know what? I am really really glad that I am still here. But I am really really mad right now because I want to reach right through this computer and hug you.
I want to make sure you are all right. PLEASE be okay and take the necessary steps to do so. There is no shame in that.

If the pain in your heart is unbearable to be around these so-called friends of yours, they may or may not be your friends. It really sounds very unhealthy but maybe I don't have all of the facts. You should not have bad feelings or ill effects when around people. If you do, then there is something wrong. Listen to your gut, your instincts. You want to feel good, healthy.

Hello1996 · Jun 25, 2013, 09:17 PM

Originally Posted by Tc123

Hello "Hello". Don't you dare. Please don't go that route of trying to end your pain. The pain is probably temporary but if you do something, that is permanent!

I know, I know.... it would end all of the pain and suffering. Think about all of the years ahead of you. Let's just say there is even a small window of NO PAIN and nothing but happiness. Wouldn't you want to experience that? I know that when you are down "in the hole" that it seems so helpless, it is unbearable at the time..... but like the song goes.... "The sun will come out tomorrooooowww"..... And it will!!! I will never tell someone that I know exactly how they feel because that is next to impossible if possible at all. But I will say that I have had experience with this. You know what? I am really really glad that I am still here. But I am really really mad right now because I want to reach right through this computer and hug you.
I want to make sure you are alright. PLEASE be okay and take the necessary steps to do so. There is no shame in that.

If the pain in your heart is unbearable to be around these so-called friends of yours, they may or may not be your friends. It really sounds very unhealthy but maybe I don't have all of the facts. You should not have bad feelings or ill effects when around people. If you do, then there is something wrong. Listen to your gut, your instincts. You want to feel good, healthy.

Thank you so much. That was probably the sweetest and most understanding thing someone has ever wrote to me :')... I still feel the pain but you did a little hope into me... that there are still people out there who care and are just amazing. Thank you <3 I will try to get some help. :)

Tc123 · Jun 25, 2013, 10:45 PM

You are most welcome. You actually made my day knowing that I might have made you feel even a pinch better. I mean every word of it. I genuinely do care about you. I really do. I am sure Wondergirl does also.

Keep talking if you wish. If you'd rather, then just touch base every now and then. It is up to you. I will always check back just in case.

Lots of love to you! Mean it!

JudyKayTee · Jun 27, 2013, 06:15 AM

Wondergirl - "You feel like this because you think you have no control over your life and your family's life. Actually, you do, and you need to speak up to one or both of your parents and tell them what is going on with you, divorce or no divorce. You're their child and they certainly have room in their hearts to help you, even if they can't seem to resolve their own problems. "

WG is, in fact, a therapist and knows what she's talking about. You've been very unhappy for a very long time. Please follow her advice. It's not about feeling better short term - it's about a long-term plan.

Please find someone to talk to, a real person, someone who actually knows you and cares.

Stella_Aurea · Jul 2, 2013, 04:00 PM

Don't kill yourself! You have so much life left to live, and it truly isn't worth it to make a decision like this. Just find a trusted adult to talk with. Find more friends, or maybe I should say find more positive friends to hang out with. You don't have to ditch your friends, but they can be a problem and drag you down unintentionally. Hanging out with more positive people will help you feel better. This is part of life, but I guarantee you, it WILL get better :)