[Ivanovo]

Hi. I was born from a very traditional Christian family.

A few months ago I met a girl whilst traveling. There was a slight age difference (her being 5yrs older) but wasn't the main issue. She wasn't a Christian (although she believes in God and has been to church before and was very engaged in church).

Anyway, we started seeing each other and it was quite magical in the beginning. We were so happy together we were like an old married couple.

But as we dated I knew my family would never approve of such a girl, and so I decided to stop dating and be friends. But we are still very much in love. To others we were pretty much still boyfriend/girlfriend.

So one time we decided to take a short trip. (Many would start to judge me here... but let me continue)

Everything was OK, until we were back in the hotel. Without going into too much details, we were kissing and touching, and we showered together. We never 'had sex' though.

I came home realizing I made a huge mistake. I explained it to her and she understood and we decided to break it off completely.

There are a lot of voices telling me it's a sin, which I agree and I prayed for. But there are no voices telling me what I should do next!

I still like her a lot, and I want to bring her to church. But at the same time if I remain in contact with her I'll probably do something worse at some point down the road. So my decision is to stop all contacts with her and remove everything that I can remotely associate myself with her. She did the same. All she asked was to keep my number to know that I'm OK.

I know it's a sin, and I know God is all forgiving. But does it mean I can't be with another girl for the rest of my life?

Also, I can't seem to forgive myself for being in this situation. I can't tell anyone, if I do I'll probably commit suicide out of shame. Everyone sees me as a good Christian. But deep down I know I'm not and I seriously want to make a 180degree change! I don't want to lose salvation and I will cling onto Jesus until the day I die!

All I want is to know God still loves me and forgives me.

[dwashbur]

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and true and will forgive our sins, and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9

I'd say you've confessed plenty, and you've been forgiven. The key to everything is your last paragraph: you need to realize that if God has forgiven you, there's not excuse not to forgive yourself.

Around age 20 I found myself in a somewhat similar situation, only I didn't have the good sense to stop. We cohabited for the better part of a year. In the end she drove a wedge between me and my family, took all of my self-respect, and left me heavily in debt. Basically, I reaped what I had sown.

I knew I was forgiven and that nothing could ever separate me from God's love, but I also still felt tainted. It takes a little time, and you might have to remind yourself 21,842 times a day that you're forgiven. But eventually your gut will figure out what your head already knows.

Oh, and as for never being with another girl? No way. God looks forward, not backward. A few years after my fiasco, I met the woman who would become the love of my life. Day after tomorrow, we celebrate 33 years together. There's no reason why you can't find all that and more, because God DOES forgive and restore, and WILL make your life into something wonderful.

[Ivanovo]

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and true and will forgive our sins, and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9

I'd say you've confessed plenty, and you've been forgiven. The key to everything is your last paragraph: you need to realize that if God has forgiven you, there's not excuse not to forgive yourself.

Around age 20 I found myself in a somewhat similar situation, only I didn't have the good sense to stop. We cohabited for the better part of a year. In the end she drove a wedge between me and my family, took all of my self-respect, and left me heavily in debt. Basically, I reaped what I had sown.

I knew I was forgiven and that nothing could ever separate me from God's love, but I also still felt tainted. It takes a little time, and you might have to remind yourself 21,842 times a day that you're forgiven. But eventually your gut will figure out what your head already knows.

Oh, and as for never being with another girl? No way. God looks forward, not backward. A few years after my fiasco, I met the woman who would become the love of my life. Day after tomorrow, we celebrate 33 years together. There's no reason why you can't find all that and more, because God DOES forgive and restore, and WILL make your life into something wonderful.

Thanks for your kind sharing and comforting words. I will try my very best. Hope I could share God's healing power to others in the future as you shared it to me today.

[joypulv]

Thanks for your kind sharing and comforting words. I will try my very best. Hope I could share God's healing power to others in the future as you shared it to me today.

Do you mean hope I can? I'm sure you WILL.

[Ivanovo]

Do you mean hope I can? I'm sure you WILL.

It's very tough.
I can't get over the fact that I put myself in this situation in the first place.

And now that I have, I can't tell anyone.

And the images keeps coming back and haunts me on an hourly basis.
Guess it's the price I have to pay...

[joypulv]

Read dwashbur's response over and over.
He is a Biblical scholar, and has made a life long work thinking about such things.
We all experience guilt in our lives, or most of us do anyway.
You did not kill, nor even do a hurtful act against another person.
Guilt that you allow to consume you is really self-indulgent and selfish, don't you think?
It slides into self-pity.
Be as nice a person as you can be to everyone, and do good deeds.
Isn't much of what Jesus taught based on forgiveness?

[dwashbur]

Thanks for your kind sharing and comforting words. I will try my very best. Hope I could share God's healing power to others in the future as you shared it to me today.

I'm just attempting to reflect what God has already done for you. You said you "can't tell anyone." You can tell Him. Over and over if need be, He doesn't care how often, He just likes to hear from you. Thing is, you can do this two ways:

1. "Hi God, it's me again. I'm such a worm. I did a horrible thing. I know you've forgiven me but I can't let go of it. So I'm just going to keep doing this and beating myself up for as long as I possibly can."

That's the un-good way.

2. "Hi God, it's me again. I know I've done this a lot, but I'm claiming your forgiveness again, and I'm going to keep doing it until it's fully real to me and I find my way clear to move on and find what You have for me. In the meantime, there's this really goofy guy who made tons more mistakes than I have, and I know you restored him and made his life something excellent. Maybe you're heard of him? His name was Simon Peter. Please make your forgiveness as real to me as you made it to him."

That's the good way.

And don't hesitate to keep reaching out. But while you do, take what joypulv said about God's forgiveness and commit it to memory and recite it in your mind as often as necessary. You WILL get through this.

[Fr_Chuck]

Read your bible, prophets and men of God have done so much worst, You are forgiven when you ask. Next we are tempted, and we often fail, if you had had sex with her, you can still be forgiven.

The issue is to me, is your family putting incorrect pressure on you. Is their form of Christianity, which you call "traditional" actually and honestly, correct. Why would they not accept her if you love her ? And so what if they don't, if you love her, it is your life and choice to marry.

I can see many things I may consider NOT Christian in the familly behavior, by reading between the lines of what is happening.

In contact with women, we are tempted and often we fail. First it is just sin ( sorry but that is all) we are when we accept Christ forgiven, and saved.

Look at Peter, he denied Christ, not once but three times, ( how worst a sin can there be)
Look at the men in old testament that had children with maids, multiple wife's ?
And shame ? For what, doing what 1000's of others do, I do not mean to make light of this, but if your religion has you so terrified of a sin, that you would consider killing yourself, your religion is not Christian and it is wrong

[classyT]

Romans 8:1 is either true or it isn't. It states CLEARLY:

There is NOW therefore no more condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus.

When are we not condemned? NOW because of the work of the Lord Jesus Christ we are no longer condemened because Jesus was condemned for us. We need to walk in that truth, believe that truth. Because it is the ONLY way to stay out of a sin cycle. Knowing who you are in Christ will keep you from sin. And should you fall into it... he wants you back up and moving on as if it never happened. Staying in a state of guilt and condemnation is a tool the enemy uses to keep us defeated and focused on self. But we are givien the gift of no condemnation so I would suggest you take it and move on. Paul says to forget those things which are behind and press on.

[tsila1777]

Is that the only 'sin' you've ever committed since you've been born-again? Because with God there are not big sins or little sins.

Why can't you take this girl to church?

[N0help4u]

I have come to realize that it is all about what we learn from life lessons and how we deal with them. Do we repent and learn a valuable lesson? That is the important thing. If you weren't concerned about your spiritual walk, God's direction and forgiveness, etc you would not even be here asking this question if it didn't hinder you. God wants you to forgive yourself and grow closer to him, lesson learned. Also God could use this as a tool to help others. Its easy for someone to counsel people and they have no idea from personal experience. Not to say you should continue in mistakes, but use it to your life lessons.