[toddcandi]

We get his son, W, every other week. This week we're supposed to have him but we are not getting him, here's why.

Sunday night I texted his ex-wife, R, to have W call me. I didn't say why in my text, but I wanted to make sure the stuff he took from our house on his field trip came home with him Monday. She texted back about 2 hours later saying "I'm getting W from school tomorrow and I'll talk to T about when he can see his son!!!" I texted back saying "oh dear whats wrong?"

This is not a new behavior for her, she's always mad about something. Anyway Monday she told T that they need to talk, and Tuesday, last night, they did. She told him that she is worried that I am doing something bad to W (I was sexually abused so she's always thought that I was going to do that to him).

She said that she asked W if I have ever touched him and he always says no "but the look in his eyes worries" her. She said that he is too uncomfortable around me to come home, and that he doesn't want to come over at all anymore. She said that he would like to spend sometime with his dad after work but go straight back to her house afterward instead of coming home.

There's some more but let me explain how life has been before this

W has never acted uncomfortable around me. In fact I am more uncomfortable around him. For example if I sit down on the couch with my laptop and am going to show him a picture, he'll sit next to me, instead of in his seat and let me turn the screen to him. No he'll sit next to me, closely. So I scoot away a little bit, trying not to be too obvious that I don't want to sit next to him (I don't want to hurt his feelings). He always scoots back next to me or leans in next to me. Its like that whenever he does sit next to me. He seeks out my company, if I am doing something he will come join me. I've started jogging every night and he does it with me whenever he's there. I didn't ask him to join me, he wanted to on his own accord. Why would he do that if he is uncomfortable with me? He loves to have conversations with me, he loves to talk. And he's not shy about anything. He'll talk to me about everything under the sun, on his own. How is that uncomfortable with me?

I would never do anything to that child, I love him as if he were my own. I am really hurt about the situation, but my confusion as to why he's all of a sudden uncomfortable with me makes me wonder if maybe she isn't brainwashing him. It wouldn't be the first time she's made me look bad in his eyes. When I first got together with T, before she knew me, she made W hate me. It was very hard to form any sort of relationship with him. It took over a year. Now he calls me step mom! That was something else she told T on the phone. That I am not W's step mom, I am simply just T's girlfriend. I've been taking care of this kid for 4 years now, she has been married less than a year to a guy she dated less than a year, but he's more step dad than I am step mom?!

There were a few other things that made her mad but they were pretty small.

Do you think she could possibly be brainwashing him so that he doesn't want to come over anymore? Do you think we need to prepare to take this to court?
Should we force W to spend time with us or leave him there like she says he wants? What if she is brainwashing him and the longer he's there the more he'll not want to ever come home?

[JudyKayTee]

"Do you think she could possibly be brainwashing him so that he doesn't want to come over anymore?
Do you think we need to prepare to take this to court?
Should we force W to spend time with us or leave him there like she says he wants?
What if she is brainwashing him and the longer he's there the more he'll not want to ever come home?"

For starters, you realize your boyfriend has the right to see his son. You do not, nor do you have any voice in this.

However, yes, of course she could be brainwashing him.

It's not "we" taking this to Court - it's "him" taking this to Court if he has proof. Sometimes a child behaviorist is very good proof - has the child seen a counselor?

What if - ? Hard to say until it happens.

If your boyfriend goes to Court and the mother claims he/you are unfit, she will need proof. That's a nasty allegation, and the Court won't be terribly happy with accusations in either direction if there's no proof.

[talaniman]

What if she is lying about the whole thing? Let your husband deal with his son. Stay out of baby mama drama as gf's have no legal standing any way. She doesn't like you so leave her alone.

[JudyKayTee]

Same boy? Should be combined - https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/childr...le-740103.html

[joypulv]

I see tiny problems with how you deal with the boy and his mother right from the start. It is not appropriate to call a parent and ask to have her have her child contact you (boy or girl of any age). At most, you ask her to please be sure the items are returned.

And it isn't appropriate to ask 'oh dear what's wrong?' when she mentions her ex.

These are matters for your boyfriend to deal with. This is not your son, nor your step son, which I believe is what you called him in a previous post.