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KingOfTheSea · Jun 8, 2013, 10:12 PM

There is plenty to this question. I've searched my mind, and many things I can think of, and still I wonder. It started about a year ago, along with other things. Firstly, I am a 24 year old male, I have never encountered intercourse, (beside the point,) and I am always worried, particularly about my sexuality.

I use to be a lot different back then, I feel like I have changed, and not entirely for the better. I know I'm a funny, nice charming young man, but I feel so anxious about everything and my esteem is in low regard. I wish I could just say, “I know I'm not gay, I’m highly attracted to women and either way I know acceptance is there," but damn, no matter how I look at it, it still sits there, withering my soul. I feel that the day a girl leaves me, or that I may truly never have a girlfriend, ultimately will lead to me turning gay.

I want to get married have kids and live as a family, if I’m so persistent, but what if I give up on women? I’ve given up so much in my life I feel like even if I got married, I’d try really hard to raise that family, but what if she leaves me? And my family with her? I know this is a lot, but I would like some sort of insight.

I at one point met a man at my work, he was gay and we conversed. One day I hung out with him, and he asked me if I would like attention from him. I did not reply, I was very uncomfortable, and began breathing very heavily. He later began touching me, and I then asked him to take me home. I did not feel attracted to him, but why couldn’t I just, know that right then and there? Why did I even visit him? I froze, entirely and was damn ashamed. I have no problem with gays at all.

staysea · Jun 8, 2013, 10:20 PM

What happens and I am going to be honest and I'm not trying to offend you. What happens is, when you feel like you are having difficulties attracting a woman, you blame yourself. You feel as if there is something wrong with you that they pick up on. If you are nervous around girls, weren't popular, can be socially awkward then it may be hard to find a girl. It seems you're so worried about a girl leaving you and you haven't even had the opportunity to date. You have to stop thinking so negatively about yourself. I can tell, you are an intelligent type of man, and will probably be a good boyfriend when in a relationship, but you need to boost your confidence just a bit. When you feel like you can't get the opposite sex, it's normal to question your own sexuality. And when a guy hit on you, it was the attention you liked not so much the gender. Some people become gay because they feel like they can't get a girl. That is not true. There is a girl for you out there, you just have to be patient. Plus, the more positive thinking you have the faster and positive results you will get. Good luck, don't over think the homosexuality part.Google how you can boost your confidence. ;)

KingOfTheSea · Jun 8, 2013, 10:53 PM

Thanks, this support helps... I think that if I did find a chick eventually I wouldn't even want to dream of leaving her, but cheating runs in my family. I promised my mother I would never cheat, and promised myself. That's not even part of it, sorry... but yea, that's where what if she did" came in.

Jake2008 · Jun 9, 2013, 12:15 PM

At the age of 24, are questions about your sexuality new to you? Can you say definitively that you have been attracted to men? Are you also attracted to women? Why and how have you ended up not knowing who you are.

You can't 'turn gay', you either are, or you aren't. Or, maybe you are bisexual, or bi-curious. But to worry about 'turning gay' surely means there is some doubt going on.

Many have unfortunately been in your place, where hiding from themselves, was a better alternative to being honest. Some go on to marry, only to find the same problem exists after marriage, as it did before marriage, only there are many lives affected, and life becomes a lot more complicated.

That you had no attraction to the man you had contact with, doesn't mean you aren't gay. You were simply not attracted to him- but have you been attracted to other men?

How long have you been struggling with this, and have you ever talked to anyone about it?

talaniman · Jun 9, 2013, 01:15 PM

Relax guy, you aren't gay, you just have few positive role models in your life to lead you to the path of good orderly direction that builds both character and confidence so you can take thoughtful risks and .

Just because you have nothing against gay people and few chances at romance is no reason to question your sexuality, and should view refusing the advances as a gay friend an affirming action.

Maybe your cheating family keeps you from pursuing females for fun dates, but that doesn't make you gay either. You just need a wider social circle to interact with. Let me guess and correct me if I'm wrong, but you live with mom, and don't party with friends.

KingOfTheSea · Jun 9, 2013, 03:08 PM

I started thinking of this a year ago, and was never such a strong thought until then. When I Get in a situation in which I qustion either probability, lately I have been forcing the thought to acceptance, in regard to knowing what it will come to in the end if I tell myself I accept it. It has gotten easier and I can be comfortable in some situations, if a I am, then so be it now... if someone tells me it will happen, I will not fear it at all

Thanks man, I replied but its being weird. And I party on fridays and stuff, pretty casual group party outdoor zombie tag for hours LOL really damn fun. And I live solo. But dude there's so much behind it, every corner I turn, theirs another damn possibility, and I want it to stop. But you see, Even that is easily said. I could say I like women, and all that stuff, but something inside could prove wrong in the future. Kind of like, If I tell myself I won't loose, and then I loose... same damn thing. People always calling me fake, a coward, and all that , and I actually believe it... I'm FAKE because I find a woman attractive and just trying to cover bieng gay, or Im just to damn cowardly to step up to a woman and be a man. Right there, what is even a damn man... sorry dude, thanks for the input though

talaniman · Jun 9, 2013, 03:27 PM

Relax and enjoy yourself without all the head games.

JudyKayTee · Jun 9, 2013, 06:05 PM

You are 24 years old and spend Friday nights playing zombie tag for hours? Is that usual where you live?

KingOfTheSea · Jun 10, 2013, 08:37 AM

Its not usual to everyone in our area, but our large friend group has a very casual meetup on Friday nights, for outdoor zombie tag

Oliver2011 · Jun 10, 2013, 08:43 AM

Originally Posted by KingOfTheSea

Thanks man, i replied but its bein weird. And i party on fridays and stuff, pretty casual group party outdoor zombie tag for hours LOL really damn fun. And i live solo. But dude theres so much behind it, every corner i turn, theirs another damn possibility, and i want it to stop. But you see, Even that is easily said. I could say i like women, and all that stuff, but something inside could prove wrong in the future. Kinda like, If i tell myself i wont loose, and then i loose... same damn thing. People always callin me fake, a coward, and all that , and i actually believe it... im FAKE because i find a woman attractive and just trying to cover bieng gay, or Im just to damn cowardly to step up to a woman and be a man. Right there, what is even a damn man... sorry dude, thanks for the input though

You seem to have many stressors in your life. When you decide to accept yourself for what you are, some of those stressors will go away. Whether you are straight, or gay, or whatever, you are attempting to label yourself as one thing and one thing only. Clearly you aren't one thing only. In your own words you said you were "I know I'm a funny, nice charming young man." Always remember that. If you are straight then straight is only a portion of who you are. If you are gay then being gay is only a small portion of who you are. You are defined by your actions, the company you keep, the decisions you make, and so forth. Never allow someone to define you as just a straight guy, or gay guy, etc.

And learn how to relax. Every decision you make is not a life or death decision. Every action you make is not a life or death action. Learn how to smile more and appreciate the simple things in life.

talaniman · Jun 10, 2013, 11:33 AM

The advantage of youth is to explore all the possibilities, and options, as well as opportunities. Then you will know what you want, and don't want. Everything has a risk and possibility of failure, that's the learning process.

My attitude is losing is not a big deal, but the worst thing is not to try. I think when you are just grateful for the chance to take a risk, and maybe get the rewards then you and the path you want is better defined, and you will no when to reject or accept your options better.

But never be afraid to live and be happy with who you are and what you do.