[Tamar B]

Me and my girlfriend just broke up, we spend the past holiday together. We had some misunderstandings during this time but when returned home, I brought up something about the past that really hurt her. She said that I made her feel like crap, which I didn't try to do so instead of arguing I got my things and went back home. A day later I get a text saying that she didn't want to talk and that she needed some time to figure things out, I agreed.

I decided to call her a day later to clear up what she meant by the text. She told me that she wasn't happy anymore and that she needed to do her. I asked her why and she said that I will always bring up something from the past and that she is stressed. Our sex life has been horrible also because I still hold on to certain things. I love her and I don't want to let her go. I spoke to her once again after the break and she said that the break up is not easily on her either and that she loves me but the relationship is not working. We have been through this once before and I told her that I would do counseling but didn't follow up on it. Now that she is gone I'm hurting and I want us back,

I want to call her so bad or go and see her but I don't want to push her away even more. I know she is fed up but and I want to change that. What should I do? I feel that she didn't want to do this deep down inside but she feels that it is no more fixing the relationship. How can I get her back? I want to meet with her within a week. I want to change and forgive her about the past.

[talaniman]

You should have changed and forgiven her past long ago but since you didn't/couldn't now may be to late. Time will tell but it doesn't look good so work on you first and see what happens in the future, whether you get another chance with her or not.

[Tamar B]

You should have changed and forgiven her past long ago but since you didn't/couldn't now may be to late. Time will tell but it doesn't look good so work on you first and see what happens in the future, whether you get another chance with her or not.

This what happen, I met her in April of last year and I honestly felt like I met the right one... She was well educated has a masters in in physiology in has no kids the perfect woman until later after spending some time together I started getting these crazy text messages from someone that knew her and was saying that she was messing around I then asked her and she said that it was someone that she had messed with before me but no longer does but she then later sad that she had step out and cheated when we first got together and that she was sorry I decided to still stick with her because everybody up. But then later maybe done months we had a disagreement over someone she thought I was giving my number to in the club which crazy I explain to her that I wouldn't dare do that and understood but later that night after we talked things out she said that I'm not worried about because I have major then that far as me taking to somebody else I asked her what it was and she said that she had herpes I almost died I said why didn't you tell me this in the beginning she because she was scared because I took it hard when I going out she cheated in the beginning and also that she wanted me to love her first I was hurt all over again she told me she had this for a 2 years I felt I was cheated for love because she didn't let me choose and also that it wasn't fair... She said I didn't have it I asked her how she know she said that she has been protecting herself far as medication but she offered to pay for my test... My test came back clean but once again it took me awhile but I said and we talked to a doctor on ways to protect... What I'm saying is that I'm all ed up because I still love this person they have stolen my love but I can forget it I I can't believe want to still be someone like this my family would kill me I can't talk to friends well one friend now this is also why our sex life is ed up I have gotten better far as not bringing I up most of the old stuff but its still there

[talaniman]

You seem to be ignoring red flags, and getting caught up in past mistakes, but you can't help but wonder what's the next thing you find out about. But you can't have a healthy relationship if you live in fear, and keep the anger and the frustrations of the past in the present.

Maybe this break up is a blessing in disguise. Without her the drama stops, and you can recover and heal from her infidelity and lies.

[Tamar B]

Wow you really hit it on the nail, I totally understand... Very very good answer I really appreciate that 😉

She has made nessasary changes but it was just me and I understand why. We talked today the conversation was good no one brought the relationship thing but she made it clear that deep down inside in her heart she feel it is the right thing because I would never forgive get because all the anger which I have finally came to realize however I did ask to see her for closure seriously because I left her house on bad terms and I feel as if that needs to be done on my part I have really been feeling good about the breakup here lately because I'm opening my eyes and looking at myself Is meeting up for closure a bad idea? She also said that she would think about doing this also far a closure meet up... What should I do?

[talaniman]

I have been dumped a few time but never needed any closure. Acceptance that its over works better I think. But many feel leaving on good terms is best.

Talaniman rule - When you get dumped disappear from their lives.

I hate drawing out the drama, but what's best for you is what's important.