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Lalam1 · May 26, 2013, 06:09 AM

I have been dating the same guy for about 6 months. Overall great relationship, we both feel 100 percent comfort around each other, we enjoy each others time, sex is AMAZING. We have a few little issues with his lack of communication. Nothing major. So lets get to the meat.

Last week he and I got into an argument; he started cursing, yelling, hung up the phone. And in a fit of rage I broke up with him. He was being unusually mean. The words he said literally broke my heart. About a week later I started really missing him. Decided to reach out to him. No response, I tried again. No response. Finally just today he sends me a message saying... "it's not the silent treatment, I just need time and space"... What!? Shouldn't he be the one begging me back? I feel like I'm being reversed dumped.

I know typically saying he needs times and space is a nice way of breaking up. But I feel like this is a bit of a different situation. Did I hurt him so bad he is upset! What's going OK, and what does he mean he needs time and space? Does that mean he is no longer interested! BTW just a side note, I broke up with him earlier that day and he replied with no baby I love being with you. Then I refused and told him no I was done. Someone please help, why is he doing this! And what does this mean?

joypulv · May 26, 2013, 06:29 AM

Why can't you take him at his word? Sometimes needing space means needing space. You are the one who dumped him (twice in one day, enough to send me packing for good), and yet for some reason you are now all bent out of shape that your missing him should soothe the troubled waters because you conferred upon him the honor of being contacted. Methinks you anger too easily and expect too much.
I always go uh-oh when people start their first sentence with how amazing and wonderful the relationship is...
LEAVE HIM ALONE until he has time to think. Or he's gone for good. He might be gone for good, but I don't think so. Unless you don't leave him alone.

Lalam1 · May 26, 2013, 07:33 AM

Originally Posted by joypulv

Why can't you take him at his word? Sometimes needing space means needing space. You are the one who dumped him (twice in one day, enough to send me packing for good), and yet for some reason you are now all bent out of shape that your missing him should soothe the troubled waters because you conferred upon him the honor of being contacted. Methinks you anger too easily and expect too much.
I always go uh-oh when people start their first sentence with how amazing and wonderful the relationship is...
LEAVE HIM ALONE til he has time to think. Or he's gone for good. He might be gone for good, but I don't think so. Unless you don't leave him alone.

I had an epiphany today. I'm starting to realize we cannot expect men to act/say/do as a woman. We can't have such high expectations and a little but if insensitivity helps. If I could only go back and do it again. I miss him so much... Definitely going to respect his wishes and give him all the time and space he needs. I'm so confused... What should I do! I want to tell him but don't want to bother...

joypulv · May 26, 2013, 07:46 AM

Write him a letter (on paper, with a thing called a pen). Keep it under your pillow. Rewrite it often. Give it to him when he does contact you.

I'm old so I can remember those days... do you ever hit the Send key and then go OH NO WHY did I send it?

Wondergirl · May 26, 2013, 07:49 AM

Originally Posted by Lalam1

I had an epiphany today. I'm starting to realize we cannot expect men to act/say/do as a woman.

For more epiphanies, read Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus by John Gray.

Lalam1 · May 26, 2013, 07:51 AM

I'm just now realizing my mistakes and it's a horrible feeling! I just want to go back and do it again! What if he does not contact me again? How ever do I tell him I'm sorry!!

Wondergirl · May 26, 2013, 08:11 AM

Originally Posted by Lalam1

I'm just now realizing my mistakes and its a horrible feeling! I just want to go back and do it again!! What if he does not contact me again?! How ever do I tell him I'm sorry!!?

You believed he loved you unconditionally and was your soft place to fall. No matter what you said and how you said it, he would chalk it up to [whatever] and forgive you. Well, even he had his limits.

Do what Joy suggested and hand-write an apology note that you can give him if he contacts you after having this time and space.

And of course you will never play fast and loose with a guy's emotions ever again, will you!

odinn7 · May 26, 2013, 10:03 AM

So all through your relationship it was "amazing" and then with a fight, you decided you would punish him by breaking up with him... thereby showing him who's the boss.

Now the tables are turned, and you have seen that he seems to be living life without you so your angry plan didn't work. Now you're in a panic because you might have thrown it all away just to make a point.

Shouldn't play games unless you're ready for different outcomes.

You only have 2 choices now. Break up for good or give him his time and hope for the best.

Lalam1 · May 26, 2013, 10:53 AM

Well not exactly amazing the entire time. He is constantly not following through with plans. He plays on his computer almost the entire time we are together, and he has been saying mean things. It was just the tip of an ice burg for me really.

talaniman · May 26, 2013, 12:33 PM

Leave him alone, you dumped him already.

odinn7 · May 26, 2013, 12:34 PM

Originally Posted by Lalam1

Well not exactly amazing the entire time. He is constantly not following through with plans. He plays on his computer almost the entire time we are together, and he has been saying mean things. It was just the tip of an ice burg for me really.

I wouldn't even shed as tear over a guy like this. I'm sure you can do better.

joypulv · May 26, 2013, 02:11 PM

Aha, signs that panic mode has evolved into recrimination mode.
That was fast.
Good.
Now you can do as much thinking as he is supposedly doing, and both be surprised when you meet again... who knows what he will say? Who knows what you will say?

Lalam1 · May 26, 2013, 02:14 PM

Originally Posted by joypulv

Aha, signs that panic mode has evolved into recrimination mode.
That was fast.
Good.
Now you can do as much thinking as he is supposedly doing, and both be surprised when you meet again... who knows what he will say? Who knows what you will say?

It's the fear of " I need time and space" translated to see you later! And I won't get that chance. I'm dying!

joypulv · May 26, 2013, 05:32 PM

Keep busy. Walk it off, talk it off, go out with girlfriends.
Remember: if you contact him you are practically guaranteed to ruin it.
Go buy a card. Spend an hour picking one out. Write a tiny note on paper, but don't write on the card, so you can do it over and over. TINY note. Size of a postit.

If it starts to kill you (I guess it has; you say you are dying) then drop it in the mail.
Keep working on the letter.

talaniman · May 26, 2013, 05:53 PM

I tell the guys when they make a mistake to own it, and do better next time, and keep your dignity and self respect by not begging or making a pest of yourself. Yes its going to be miserable for a while, but you can pickup the pieces and move forward with your life and be a better person for it. Or drown in your own crap.

No you will not die, it just feels like it.

Lalam1 · May 27, 2013, 09:56 AM

I'm actually doing a bit better today. I keep remembering that I'm the one that did the initial split. Quite honestly I would probably be giving him the same treatment he is giving me if the shoe was on the other foot. The only thing I can do down is give him the "space and time" he needs. I have n