[poppy1985]

OK,me and my friend (who I know a long time) had sex. After we finished, we noticed the condom was empty! :( I took the morning after pill today, which is about 40 hours since we had sex, as I couldn't get to a doctor on a Sunday so it had to be today (this is in a country where you need a prescription for the morning after pill). So it was Saturday evening we had sex.
We are really good friends and trust each other a lot, so here's where I feel totally irresponsible. He was staying with me for a few days, so we had unprotected sex (but he pulled out) two more times that night. We kind of figured that it was OK because I'd be going to the doctor anyway for the pill. I know, I feel stupid and really irresponsible!! But in the heat of the moment its hard to say no!
When I got the perscription, I actually never thought of mentioning it to the doctor, again, stupid I know.
What I want to know is because we basically unprotected sex 3 times (with pulling out, except the first time), is there a chance the pill might not work?? I know there's a chance it may not work anyway, but is it less likely to work if you had unprotected sex a few times before taking it?
I know I might sound uneducated and stupid about this, but I just need reassurance. Its not the right time for me to have a baby, but I wouldn't be very upset if I did find out I was pregnant. But as much as I love my friend (platonically), I don't think we could be together as a couple not to mention a family!! :(

[smoothy]

Pulling out isn't birth control... in fact you can VERY easily get pregnant that way.

Can you run to your neighbors in the rain fast enough to not get hit by any rain? Nope... and neither does Pulling out prevent all the sperm from leaking out from the beginning to the end.
I mans tool is like a leaking garden hose... you can't play with it without getting wet.

Incidentally... don't have sex with someone who you don't see as the other parent to the kid you are likely to have. Protection or not... it can easily happen. Not using protection at all is ASKING for it to happen.


And incidentally... I'm a guy... yes you CAN say no in the heat of the moment. Because I've done it many times and so have many others.

[poppy1985]

Well, we did have sex and I'm not looking for lectures here. Yes I feel stupid and irresponsible. But we are very close friends and we are both single, no one is getting hurt and if a child was to be brought in to this world, it would be very much loved by both of us! I am happy it was with him, and not some stranger on a drunken night out. We could have said no, and I've no excuse for our irresponsibility! I am just wondering the likelihood of the morning after pill being ineffective in my case...

[ScottGem]

well, we did have sex and im not looking for lectures here. yes i feel stupid and irresponsible. but we are very close friends and we are both single, no one is getting hurt and if a child was to be brought in to this world, it would be very much loved by both of us!! i am happy it was with him, and not some stranger on a drunken night out. we could have said no, and ive no excuse for our irresponsibility! i am just wondering the likelihood of the morning after pill being ineffective in my case...

Do you not understand how the morning after pill works? As I understand it prevents the fetus from growing by flushing out the uterine wall. So it shouldn't matter how many times you had sex. If the pill does flush the wall, then it will prevent the pregnancy.

Sex is not recreation. It is something shared by people in a long term committed relationship. Doing it with a friend, even a close one, cheapens it.

[Alty]

You already know that the morning after pill, just like any method of birth control on the market, is not 100%. The later you take it, the less likely it is to work.

Is it possible that you're still pregnant, even after taking the morning after pill? Yes, it's possible. Are you? We can't know. You'll have to wait and see.

Good luck.

[poppy1985]

Sex is not recreation. It is something shared by people in a long term committed relationship. Doing it with a friend, even a close one, cheapens it.

I'm going to be totally honest. No, me and my friend are not in a committed long term relationship. I was in a long term committed with a guy for 4 years, we broke up 6 months ago, and I haven't had sex since then with anyone. I only took the morning after pill once when I was a teenager so my knowledge of it isn't really up to scratch, ill admit. I have never needed it since then. I don't go out drinking all the time so I don't end up having one night stands with strangers, I am not looking to get into a long term committed relationship with a man right now (however, should my circumstances change, I will committ to a child, 100%!! Let me just make that clear)
Sex is a need for both men and women. It had been a while since I felt closeness with a man. Im still not excusing my irresponsibility. I am very close with this friend, he was feeling lonely, I was feeling lonely. Nothing wrong with sharing something special with someone you trust, care about and feel good with. He's not like a "f***-buddy".
Personally, I don't think having sex with my friend cheapens it. Its not sleazy! We were fulfilling eachothers needs. We didn't feel weird, awkward or dirty afterwards.
I don't know why I feel I have to explain this to you, but I just feel a bit judged here. And there's nothing to judge. I'm worried about this situation, and I don't need to feel judged on a help forum

[Alty]

There is a bit of judgement, because I don't think you realize what having a child with a friend, would mean to you or that child.

It's sad that in today's society marriage, family, doesn't seem to matter anymore. Women go around having sex with whomever they feel like, getting pregnant, and not giving a thought to the child and how that sort of life will affect them.

He's your friend now, you want nothing more than friendship from him. Do you care how he feels about having a child, or does that not matter at all? Is it all about your wants? What about him, what about the child (if pregnancy happens?). You're fine with getting pregnant, if it happens, do you care how he feels about it?

You can't think only about the pleasure of the moment. Yes, sex is fun, yes, people have needs, but when you're irresponsible about sex, it's no longer about you or even just the guy.

Have a child with some random guy that scratched an itch, you're linked to him for life. He may be your friend now, but have a baby he didn't want, ask him for child support, raise a child on your own (which isn't easy) and that friendship will soon turn to "He's the sperm donor, he wants nothing to do with his child, I have to do it all on my own, he doesn't even pay child support, how can I get him to terminate his rights?" The only person that loses out is the child.

Having a child with someone shouldn't be about a sexual need, it should be because you're in a loving committed relationship. That's what's wrong with today's society. No one seems to have family values anymore, it's all about doing what they want, when they want, and the children that are born as a result are the ones that pay the ultimate price. :(

[ScottGem]

Sex is a need for both men and women.

I'm sorry but I don't believe or agree with that. Yes, lust is a desire that men and women share. But its not a need.

As to being judged, this site is a bit different from others. We address not only the specific situation, but the whole situation.

I don't want to call what happened sleazy. And if you both feel comfortable with your choices and how it affects your friendship then that's your choice.

But, if you are going to engage in risky behavior, then you should educate yourself about the risks and how to minimize them.