[ER Mom]

Bless all of us Moms (and Dads that are in this situation) I can tell you from my experience - my son - 46 yrs old moved two blocks from our house after living 400 miles away. He has a big house, is responsible financially; but 2 1/2 yrs ago broke up with his fiancée - since then it seems like he has blamed us with passive aggressive behavior. Wanting to come over for Sunday meals, then complaining if I call too much (once a week). He is totally absorbed in himself. He has a great job; works hard, hates his job and sometimes I get the feeling he wishes he had never moved here (we certainly did not ask him to). We had a wonderful relationship when he lived away - now it's a roller coaster- and keeps me upset emotionally. He deflects many of the negatives back on me and my husband and I both feel like he puts partial blame on us for breakup with his fiancée. (He could not stand her family - but we kept our mouths shut as it was his life) (He complained constantly about her possessiveness (to us and he) etc. So recently he told us again about how he hates his job - feels trapped - even suggested that our latest dinner made him sick and he probably wouldn't eat here again for a long time. We'll I'm sure confused. Any thoughts - and I'd appreciate experience and not judgements. Thanks

[joypulv]

ERmom, your story is totally different from a mother's who does too much for a grown child. I can't think of any good way to deal with your son, who does seem to be needing something, someone, but who resents you for the simple fact that he is supposed to be an adult and not hanging around his parents, at least not out of neediness.
I might tell him that. It's normal enough (look at all the 20 year olds living at home and acting out angrily because they know they should be on their own) or at least common enough these days, but mostly for financial reasons, not emotional need. Tell him you plan to stop calling and want to have Sunday dinner together every other week, or whatever gets the message across that this was all his idea.
I wouldn't get into his job and how he hates it, but personally if I were he I would quit it, even if it means selling the house and living in a camper for a year while he finds one he likes! It could be why he broke up and why he takes everything out on you - and why he hasn't found someone else.

[ER Mom]

Thanks joypulv. He says he loves his home - what he always wanted - says he's grateful he didn't marry his fiance; but I think he's lonely for a partner and we live in a huge city and he hasn't been here very long - works evenings - guess hard to meet singles. So I mind my own business; but am available as I'm just down the street. Personally I wish he weren't strapped with house payments etc.; but he's done the hiking, biking, travelling etc. so he must be in a quandary trying to figure things out. Just want him to be happy like every parent. Yes I surely try to mind my own affairs and stay out of his. Please share your experiences out there; but not your opinions... opinions are like noses everyone has one; but they are all different. I don't need opinions thank you... just your experiences.