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    Ambaspam's Avatar
    Ambaspam Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    May 3, 2013, 12:09 PM
    Did I ruin my relationship with my best friend?
    I've been talking to this guy for about 3 months now. I have known him for about 2 years and we were relatively good friends before we actually started talking. It was said from the beginning that neither of is were looking for anything serious because we had both just gotten out of long relationships. We talked everyday, or rather texted because neither of us like to talk on the phone and we live two hours from each other. It started all fun and flirty. We exchanged sexy pictures and always joked about sex. However, the first time we hungout we almost had sex and probably would have if we didn't have an issue with the alcohol. That was all good and fine, we still cuddled that night like it was nothing.

    The next day everything was still good, in fact we almost had sex again after a game of strip poker but had no condom. We just chilled for the rest of the day, but he was really touchy. Like we were sitting on my bed and he kept rubbing my legs and stuff, not in a perverted way though. And then we had a really long hug before he finally left. A few days after that I texted him and told that I liked him but he had nothing to worry about because I wasn't looking for more than friendship I just thought he should know. He was cool about it, he just told me that he thinks we are better off as friends and he wanted to ho around since he never got the chance to do so before and what happened would probably never happen again because he didn't want to ruin out friendship and he felt kind of weird after.

    We ended up hanging out that same day because he just so happened to be in town and everything was fine. We went to lunch and then visited with his mom for awhile and then he left. It's been about a month or so since all of this happened and now things just aren't the same. We don't talk nearly as much as and when we do its kind of blah. He has a job now so that may be part of it, but it feels like more than that. I sent him a message the other day asking why he felt weird afterward and he said that it just wasn't right and he regretted taking it there. If that's the case though, why did it happen not just the one time?

    I have sent him a few crazy messages since all that went down, so I probably did this to myself, but I just want my best friend back. I would like for something more between us one day and I feel like there could be, but I don't know anymore. Before all of this happened he told me that he felt like we were getting closer and it kind of scared him, so I know he's probably thought about the idea of us. Did I completely ruin everything by telling him that I liked him or should I just give him some space?
    MissBehavior's Avatar
    MissBehavior Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #2

    May 3, 2013, 01:23 PM
    Yes I would actually have asked him what made him change his mind about your 2 year friendship but if he doesn't want to talk about it why force the issue. I mean just think if you guys were friends and either partner did not enjoy the intimacy. Then more than likely one situation could kill the entire building of a friendship. Do you know how hard it is for some women to have a platonic relationship but because you guys were friends for two years it does sound like some type of loneliness since alcohol had to be involved. If I were you I wouldn't sweat it and just keep it moving. I mean if he's going to be a jerk over something that didn't happen. Imagine if it did, and you had possibly caught feelings. Then how you feel now would be no comparison to how most girls feel when a friendship goes bad. I know best friends are hard to come by but which person wants a half best friend who doesn't know how to express him or herself after you guys had seem to been like a cushion to a seat. So I would charge it off as one of life's experience. It's like having a sister or brother who you don't get along and you meet someone whom you've always wanted as a brother or sister. You just don't let them get close to your sibling or it could ruin the friendship. So remember that the next time you build a relationship that you feel is compatible with yourself, that there are certain things best friends don't do to and with each other taken into consideration if it's the opposite sex. :-)
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,303, Reputation: 10854
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    #3

    May 3, 2013, 04:14 PM
    Give him space now, because obviously he needs it. Don't complicate things with feelings of wanting more because he probably isn't ready to explore more with you. Or use you as a convenient willing rebound.

    Sometimes friends shouldn't cross boundaries, or monopolize the friendship that will blur the lines between friendships, and romance.
    springfall79's Avatar
    springfall79 Posts: 12, Reputation: -1
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    #4

    May 3, 2013, 08:48 PM
    I think you probably ruined your friendship, you obvisously kicked your friend out of your life, people like you who ''meet new people and forget about the old ones'' are the kind of people who really annoy me! You didn't have to be so touchy with your new friend and talk everyday and hang out everyday, should've hung out with you friend.
    Cat1864's Avatar
    Cat1864 Posts: 8,007, Reputation: 3687
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    #5

    May 3, 2013, 09:25 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by springfall79 View Post
    I think you probably ruined your friendship, you obvisously kicked your friend out of your life, people like you who ''meet new people and forget about the old ones'' are the kind of people who really annoy me! You didnt have to be so touchy with your new friend and talk everyday and hang out everyday, should've hung out with you friend.
    Springfall, I think you may have misread the first part of the question. This is about one friend of two years who became a best friend about three months ago. She hasn't 'kicked' anyone out of her life.

    Abamaspam, he has said he wants to play the field which means he wants to have fun without entanglements. I don't think he wants to hurt you by turning your friendship into 'friends with benefits'. Arrangements of that type only work if both parties are on the same page. The two of you aren't.

    You seem open now to being more than friends. I don't think he is. If he is, then it is not want he thinks he wants.

    Go about your life and give him time to contact you. It may take a while, but if the friendship is strong enough, it will survive.

    I do think you need time to breathe and make certain that you aren't trying to turn feelings of friendship into something they aren't.

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